


Tomorrow's Way

by kyjr



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, KAT-TUN (Band), Kanjani8 (Band), NewS (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-19
Updated: 2010-12-15
Packaged: 2017-12-29 02:34:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 68,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/999831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyjr/pseuds/kyjr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ueda Tatsuya was nothing. Nothing, until Yamashita Tomohisa helped him fit in. He found him a band; he found him friends. This is the story of their rise to the top - the music, the troubles faced, the bonds formed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tomorrow's Way

It was a slow song. Long, unadorned fingers plucked at the strings of a battered old guitar, calling softly for attention among the many passers-by. His voice was soft and raspy, and could barely be heard above the rush of the people around him, but he continued. He continued to tell the story of tomorrow, of dreams, of the future. A broken guitar case lay on the ground next to him, open and hopeful.

Yamashita watched the man play from across the square. He himself sat upon a wooden bench, whilst the other man sat cross-legged on the floor, his back leaning against the cold wall behind him. There was a thin coat around his shoulders, but nothing else to stop the freezing cold. Yamashita looked down at his own padded jacket, which was wrapped around his form, and felt a twinge of sympathy for the man.

Every Thursday, during his break, Yamashita would come down to this square in the middle of the city, to eat his store-bought lunch and watch this man play. He didn't know what it was about him - something hidden in his wispy voice; some sort of raw emotion in the songs he sung. Yamashita watched as he finished his song, oblivious of the look he was giving him, and stood up. Holding his guitar in one hand, he tried to bend down to close the case, but something happened and suddenly he pitched forward, sending the money inside the case rolling. Yamashita could hear the laughs of the people around him, and could see the redness of the other man's face as he knelt down to collect his hard-earned money.

Yamashita could see how he tried to hide behind his long fringe, and he could see how his hands trembled as they gathered up the rest of the money. Yamashita approached him, shouldering people aside roughly even if they weren't in his way. He squatted down next to him.

The guitarist looked up in shock as another hand came into his view, reaching out to help him. Yamashita smiled gently at him, and carefully placed the collected money into the others' bag. He bowed his head in thanks, but otherwise kept his eyes downcast, still searching with shaking hands.

"You must be freezing," Yamashita said, causing him to meet his eyes, only to look down again. "Here."

Yamashita tugged off the black woollen gloves he wore, and handed them to the other. He shook his head resolutely, but Yamashita had grabbed his hands and forced them into the gloves before he had time to fight back.

The other stared at him for so long, Yamashita began feeling uncomfortable. Suddenly, he tore the gloves off again, and fit them neatly into one of Yamashita's coat pockets, lowering his head again. Yamashita sighed.

"My name's Yamashita Tomohisa."

"...Ueda Tatsuya."

The two silently searched for the man's remaining money, but since it wasn't much to begin with, they finished quickly. The man - Ueda - bowed slightly as he fixed his guitar case about his shoulders, and walked off stiffly. Yamashita could only watch as he suddenly fell forward again, but managed to fling out an arm and catch himself on a wall.

Yamashita found himself next to him in seconds, holding onto his arm.

"Hey, are you alright?" Ueda nodded, and wrenched himself out of Yamashita's grip.

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine."

Yamashita received a look. "My leg just froze up. I'm fine."

Just as Ueda had collected himself and was about to walk away again, Yamashita called out.

"Hey! Want to grab a coffee?"

Ueda turned around, hands fidgeting with the strap of his guitar case. "What?"

"Coffee. Do you want to go get some?" Yamashita leant against the wall which was now behind him, because he was certain his knees were about to give out.

"No."

>>><<< 

 

Fifteen minutes later, and with a lot of persuading on Yamashita's side, the two found themselves inside a small little coffee shop.

Ueda squirmed in his seat, checking his guitar every few minutes. Yamashita came back soon, carrying a tray with both hands and setting it upon the table. Ueda took his mug silently.

Yamashita sat down, hoping that his lunch break could be extended this long. He watched as Ueda took the mug in both hands, blowing on the steaming liquid and then taking a tentative sip.

As he put the mug down again to let it cool, he looked up at Yamashita hesitantly.

"I can't pay you back."

Yamashita laughed. "I know. Don't worry, it wasn't much anyway."

Ueda focused on his drink again, as Yamashita stirred his own.

"Why do you play on that street every Thursday?"

"Why do you come and watch me on that street, every Thursday?"

Yamashita was taken aback. "...you're peaceful to watch."

Ueda's eyebrows knitted together. "What?"

"I like to listen to your music because you tell a story. All of those big-name celebrities sing about love and parties and sex, but you... you sing with emotion. You sing about stories, about dreams. That's why." Yamashita was sure he looked calmer than he felt.

"Thankyou." Ueda graced him with a small smile. "You're the first one to tell me that. Thankyou."

"Uh...no problem."

 

>>><<<

 

They met every Thursday from then on, always at the same coffee shop. Ueda was enjoying himself a bit more, now. He had stopped continuously checking on his guitar, but his eyes would slide across to it every now and then. He was making more eye contact, and smiling. He wasn't sure what to make of this man, but he decided he should just trust him.

"Hey..." Yamashita started, making Ueda look up curiously. "Would you like to be in a band?"

Ueda thought for a long while. "I don't know. Why?"

"Because my best friend is in a band, and is looking for new members."

"Guitar?"

"I think so - hold on, let me call him." Ueda watched as Yamashita dialed some numbers, pressed a few buttons here and there on his phone, and held it to his ear. Ueda tuned out as he began talking to his friend, but then suddenly the phone was being pushed at him and he was forced to take it, wide-eyed.

"Hey - Ueda, was it?" A deep voice spoke out of the speaker of the phone, and he quickly pushed it to his ear.

"Ah...yes."

"Pi said you play guitar. Any good?" the voice asked.

"Um... I don't know?"

"Yes, he is!" Yamashita yelled out from across the table. Ueda flushed red, while the voice on the phone chuckled.

"Pass me to Pi, please."

Ueda cast his eye around. "...Pi?"

Yamashita flapped his arms around, gesturing that he was the 'Pi' the man on the phone was talking about.

"Ah. Sorry." Ueda clumsily handed the phone back to Yamashita, and promptly hid his head in his hands.

Yamashita cast him an amused look as the man on the other end spoke again.

"He doesn't really... say much, does he?" he asked.

Yamashita laughed. "Not really - he's all embarrassed now." Yamashita received an intense glare at that.

"Is he any good?"

"Very good. I don't know if he plays electric...?" Ueda nodded slightly, face buried under his hands. "Apparently he does."

"Cool. Can you bring him around on Saturday?"

"I'll ask," Yamashita covered the lower half of the phone, leaning across the table. "You free on Saturday?" He lifted his head and nodded. "Yeah, he's free."

"Tell him to bring his guitar. Are you coming too?"

"Of course."

The voice on the other end laughed. "Good. You're like our little cheerleader."

"Oh, shut up, Jin," he said, and promptly shut the phone.

"He says to bring your guitar on Saturday, at around ten," Ueda looked up and nodded. Once the two had figured out where to meet each other, they said their goodbyes and went their separate ways.

 

>>><<<

 

On that Saturday, Ueda was a nervous wreck. He stood at the corner of the street, once again fidgeting the strap on his guitar case. He had his bag at his feet, and every so often he would kick it lightly just to make sure it hadn't been stolen. He didn't take his eyes off the road (both ways), as he waited for Yamashita to pick him up. It was almost exactly ten o'clock, when a flashy white car hurtled down the street, screeching to a stop in front of him. Yamashita's figure sat behind the wheel, urging him to get inside. Ueda, wide-eyed, opened the door on his side.

"Throw your guitar in the backseat," Yamashita said, and Ueda complied, although much more carefully than Yamashita had suggested.

He slipped into the passenger seat, holding his bag steady between his feet as the car started up again. The interior of the car was uncomfortable, and squeaked whenever he moved. It was incredibly clean, and smelt strange. He looked up at the man driving. Yamashita wore simple clothes today, and he looked different without his business suit - he was wearing simple jeans and a grey shirt, with sunglasses covering his eyes.

"You nervous?" He asked, and Ueda nodded.

"I...I don't...do...too well with people..." he admitted, and turned to watch the trees beside the car blur past.

He heard Yamashita chuckle. "It's okay, you'll be fine."

Ueda wished he had the same confidence.

Once they arrived at the place, which turned out just to be his friends' house, Yamashita grabbed a hold of his guitar and walked right inside without knocking. Ueda, flustered, followed him after a while, muttering a small 'excuse me', as he entered. The house wasn't all that big, and he quickly found Yamashita, who was waiting for him down the hallway.

"We're going to the shed," Yamashita said, and Ueda just cast him a strange look. "That's where they're practicing."

Another knot formed in his stomach, and he reached for his guitar, practically wrenching it out of Yamashita's grasp. He needed to know that it, at least, was there for him.

Yamashita gave him an amused look, and continued on, walking through the kitchen and out into the backyard. A relatively large brick shed stood in one corner, with pieces of crude writings thrown all over it. The unmistakeable sounds of drums and laughter echoed out of it, and Ueda threw another, somewhat panicky, glance at Yamashita.

"Don't worry - I'll come with you," Yamashita said, putting his hand on Ueda's shoulder and steering him over to the 'studio'. He knocked once on the door, and opened it with a wide smile.

There was a large red carpet thrown on the cemented floor. Sheets of numerous sizes and colours hung around the walls, so that the bands' noise wouldn't escape the confines of the shed too much. There were two microphone stands upright in the centre of the mat - one microphone was missing. There were a few second-hand armchairs placed about the room; a guitar was resting on a particularly battered one. A mixing desk, and a computer, sat in one corner. Four people stood around - three stood and one lounged on another armchair - and all looked up as they walked in.

One man walked up to them - he was the same height as Yamashita, with long, dark hair swept up into a messy ponytail - and threw his arm over Yamashita's shoulders. "Hey, Pi, long time no see, huh?"

Yamashita laughed, and Ueda tried to slink into the shadows, but Yamashita grabbed him before he could.

"This is Ueda Tatsuya."

The other man took his attentions off Yamashita and onto Ueda, who noticeably cringed.

"Hey," the other said, and Ueda looked up. His eyes were soft and brown, with long eyelashes. They looked trustworthy enough. "We talked on the phone the other day, didn't we?" Ueda nodded. "Come on, I'll introduce you to the band." Ueda found himself being steered over to where the others were. "I'm Jin, by the way. Akanishi Jin."

"N-nice to meet you, Akanishi," Ueda stuttered out softly.

"Ah, so he _does_ speak!" one of the other men said, and stepped forward, throwing his arms around Ueda in a hug. Ueda, with both hands full, could only stand there and let it happen. "I'm Kamenashi Kazuya, by the way - bassist."

"And a touchy-feely person. Sorry," Yamashita said, and had to pry Kamenashi off Ueda. Ueda shot Yamashita a thankful look, and Yamashita laughed, waving a hand in front of his face. Kamenashi just pulled a face at him.

"This is our drummer, Koki," Jin said, gesturing to a short man with a broad face and black hair. His outer appearance seemed quite intimidating, but Ueda could tell from the softness set behind those eyes that he was a nice person. And that was exactly how Jin described him. They then turned to the one set upon the couch.

"My name's Nishikido Ryo, guitar." Ueda bowed slightly. The man, Nishikido, stood up, and gestured to Ueda's guitar with his chin. "Are you gonna play us something?"

"R-right now?" he asked. Jin nodded, and led him over to where he wanted him to stand.

"Do you sing?" Jin asked.

"Yes..." he answered, watching as Kamenashi grabbed one of the microphone stands and placed it in front of him, adjusting the height of it. Kamenashi flashed him a kind smile as he finished, and moved away to perch himself on the armrest of a chair.

Ueda was so nervous. It was one thing to sing to hundreds of people who weren't paying you any attention, but it was another thing completely to sing to these people, who were hanging on every little movement he made. His stomach turned, and he fumbled his guitar case, opening it and carefully lifting out his guitar.

He could hear Nishikido snort as he shifted the rather battered guitar around his body. Yamashita whacked him over the head harshly.

Jin threw a look over at Nishikido, and moved over to Ueda, who was breathing heavily. "You alright?" When Ueda nodded, he smiled. "We're a rock band, but just sing anything you're familiar with. Unless it's the blues. Then we're kicking you out right away."

At that, Ueda found himself laughing slightly, and felt himself relax.

He could feel the guitar under his hands; could feel the strings beneath his fingers. He knew this guitar, he knew these strings.

Yamashita smiled softly when Ueda started strumming his guitar. It was the same song that he played each week - he would always play it last, as if saving it. Ueda closed his eyes, focusing on the music. His soft voice filled the room, every so often out of tune, but with so much raw emotion. Jin, who had manouvered his way next to Yamashita, nudged him with his elbow.

When Ueda was done, he kept his eyes on the floor.

"You're in."

"Huh?" Ueda's head shot up.

"You're in," Jin said, smiling widely as he walked over, "Well, I mean, it wasn't as if we _weren't_ gonna have you - if Pi says you're good, then you're good - but now we know what he means. You're...something different."

"...Thankyou....?"

Kamenashi and Tanaka both clapped him on the back, and even Nishikido climbed up out of his chair to say, "Not so bad, Bambi."

 _Bambi?_ Ueda thought, but soon disregarded it as Yamashita threw an arm over his shoulders, and whispered, "Nice job there, Ueda." He smiled at Yamashita.

"Thankyou."

"Here, Ueda, how long do you think it'll take to learn this song?" Jin asked, pushing a few pieces of paper into Ueda's hands.

Ueda looked them over as Koki started to lazily hit the drums in an odd beat. "Maybe a week or so?"

Jin smiled. "Awesome! What about we meet here again next week, then, and practice?" Ueda nodded, feeling a wide smile spread across his features. "Actually, we'd better see if your voice goes with mine - maybe we can finally stop making Ryo sing."

"Hey!" came Nishikido's indignant cry from back on the couch, where he was plucking at his own guitar, which was much more clean and shinier than Ueda's own.

"Your voice doesn't fit with mine!" Jin retorted, and then, with a softer tone, turned back to Ueda and asked what songs he knew.

Ueda cast his mind about, listing off numerous artists he knew. Jin gave him blank look.

"Never heard of any of 'em," Tanaka said bluntly, twirling his drum sticks around, and Ueda chuckled.

"He's doing it on purpose! You brought an _evil_ one, Pi!" Jin exclaimed, laughing and walking over to his own microphone. "Okay, let's sing something simple." He mock-glared at Ueda's innocent face. "I'm onto you."

Yamashita laughed, glad that Ueda was finally opening up. However, it was hard _not_ to like Jin. His somewhat child-like smile and eyes were enough to make someone warm up to him, whether it was intentional or not.

The two chose a simple, slow rock song, and started after Kamenashi counted down. Both of their voices were raspy and raw - Jin's was deeper than Ueda's, but Ueda's voice accentuated the others'.

Once they had finished, Jin turned to him with both thumbs up. Ueda smiled widely, quickly ducking his head.

Maybe he would fit in here, after all.

 

\--end of chapter 1


	2. Tomorrow's Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ueda Tatsuya was nothing. Nothing, until Yamashita Tomohisa helped him fit in. He found him a band; he found him friends. This is the story of their rise to the top - the music, the troubles faced, the bonds formed.

Yamashita hadn't expected to see Ueda against that wall that week. But there he was, the same thin jumper pulled over his small frame, plucking the strings of his precious guitar. He finished faster than he usually did, though, and seemed in a hurry to collect the small earnings he had received. Yamashita walked over to him, through the throng of people, and squatted down next to him, lazily picking up coins. Ueda looked up, and smiled at him, taking the coins from him and stuffing them into his pockets.

The two stood up, and as Ueda slung his guitar around his shoulders, Yamashita asked, "So, do you want me to come and get you on Saturday?"

Ueda seemed to stiffen at that, but he nodded. "Please. I don't...really have a car or anything, so..."

Yamashita laughed. "Ah, it's fine. It's on my way, anyway."

Ueda smiled. "Can you pick me up from the same corner you did last time?"

"I could always come and pick you up from your place, if you want."

"N-no, it's fine, really..."

However, Yamashita was not one to back down, and he walked back to work with a slip of paper in his suit pocket, with Ueda's hastily scribbled address on it.

 >>><<<

That Saturday, Yamashita arrived at Ueda's apartment building. It was tall, but incredibly run down. Windows were broken; there were deep cracks in the plaster; and some form of plant had wound it's way up the side of it, clutching at the walls. Ueda stood outside of it, holding onto his bag and fingering the strap of his guitar case - Yamashita had noticed that he would do that if he was nervous or frightened.

He waved, and the other nodded at him, hurriedly making his way across the long, unmown grass. He didn't meet Yamashita's eyes.

The two of them walked to Yamashita's car, which seemed out of place in front of this building. Yamashita laughed.

"Wow...it's really quite shiny, isn't it?" He said, as he held up a hand to block out the glare the sun cast on the car. He watched as Ueda looked up, blinked furiously as the sun hurt his eyes, and flung the arm holding his bag in front of his face. Yamashita laughed again.

Once the two of them were in the car and on the way to Jin's, Ueda said, "I didn't really want you to see where I lived... it's kinda... uh..."

"Falling apart?" Yamashita added helpfully.

"Uh...yeah."

"No problem," Yamashita said, leaning over to turn the air conditioner on, "We all live differenty. It has... character."

"No, it has rats."

The two of them laughed, and Yamashita turned the radio up, exclaiming that he hadn't heard that song in _ages_. Ueda smiled, loving how relaxed the atmosphere had become. Yamashita sung along to the song loudly, making mistakes on purpose and singing out of tune. Ueda laughed at him, and he turned to him when they had stopped at a red light, starting to sing to him. Ueda hit him lightly, and Yamashita turned back hurriedly as the car behind honked at him to get going. They both still had smiles on their faces as Yamashita parked the car on Jin's front lawn.

Suddenly, Ueda's door was opened, and Nishikido was peering in. "Yo. Bambi, Pi," he said shortly, nodding to both of them and getting out of the way as Ueda attempted to get out of the car.

_Bambi?_ Ueda thought again, but busied himself with retrieving his bag and guitar.

"Ryo! How's everyone's favourite snarky man today?" Yamashita said as he came around from the other side of the car, slinging an arm over Nishikido's shoulders and leading them inside. Ueda trailed behind, looking at Nishikido's guitar case which he carried in his hands. It was a deep black colour, slightly scratched at the bottom corners. Compared to his own, however, it was beautiful. Ueda's was battered and splintered; it had turned a dreadful brown colour from all the times he had laid it in the dirt.

Yamashita disrupted his musings, turning around and smiling at him. Ueda smiled back, and the three of them found themselves outside the 'studio'.

Nishikido sighed. "One day... one day we will find an actual place to play. Stupid shed, stupid Jin, stupid spiders."

"Ryo's scared of spi---"

"I am not!"

"Right."

Nishikido glared at Yamashita, worming his way out from under his arm, and threw his own around Ueda, who stiffened and looked at him with wide eyes. "I'm abandoning you, Pi, and taking Bambi as my own." Nishikido steered Ueda into the shed, with Yamashita looking on with wide eyes.

"...Hey!"

>>><<<

Jin and Koki were already inside the shed as Nishikido entered with an uncomfortable Ueda. They looked up from tapping out tunes together when the two barged in, followed by a slighly disgruntled Yamashita.

Jin laughed. "What're you trying to do, Ryo, suffocate the poor guy?" Ueda threw Jin a grateful look as he wrenched Nishikido's arm off his shoulders. Ueda was someone who appreciated his space, and Jin could see that.

"Did you learn that song?"

"Ah! Yeah... I really like it." Ueda said, placing his guitar and bag down near the wall.

Nishikido already had his guitar out and placed it on his knee, plucking at strings randomly as he watched Ueda. "Hey, Bambi, why don't you grab your guitar and we'll see how it sounds."

Koki cast him a questioning look. "What's up with the name?"

Nishikido looked up from his guitar. "Don't you reckon he looks like Bambi? All wide-eyed and innocent?" He and Koki both cast their eye over to Ueda, who looked slightly flustered at all of the attention, and busied himself with tuning his guitar as he leant against the wall.

"What the heck is a Bambi, anyway?" Jin asked, coming over and settling on the armrest of the couch Nishikido was sitting in.

"You don--- Seriously, you guys haven't seen it?"

"Seen what?" Kamenashi asked tiredly as he walked in, sunglasses perched on his head and dragging a hand through his hair.

"Bambi!" Nishikido answered, throwing them all incredulous looks as they just gave him a blank stare. "Ueda knows what I'm talking about, right?" Ueda shook his head, earning a groan from the black-haired man. "Oh, come on!"

"What's it about?" Yamashita asked, passing Kamenashi a mug of coffee he had just made. Kamenashi thanked him, and rubbed his eyes.

"Oh, fo-- right, we're having a movie night. Next Saturday. Akanishi, move a TV in here."

"Eh? Why here?"

"It's your punishment."

"For what?"

"I haven't thought of it yet, but it's probably something stupid."

"...why do I keep him around?" Jin asked, not expecting an answer. "And what the heck happened to you?" he said, as he turned around and met a tired Kamenashi.

"Ugh... I couldn't sleep the entire week..." he answered, and sipped his coffee, grimacing at the heat. "You'll be surprised at how many origami cranes you can make at three in the morning."

"Shall we get started?" Koki asked, choosing to ignore Kamenashi. He moved from Nishikido's side to behind his drums, picking up his drumsticks.

The rest of the band moved into place, but Jin came and told Ueda where to stand. The microphone hadn't moved from the week before, and it was still perfect for his height.

"Goodbye, coffee..." Kamenashi groaned, setting his mug down before slinging the strap of his bass around his shoulder and moving to the back.

Yamashita sat in one of the armchairs, with a couple of papers in his hands. He watched Ueda, who was watching Jin's every movement. "Right, so, Ryo will start. Ueda comes in second; Kame third, and then Koki. Jin, you know when to start singing. Ueda, you sing back-up during the chorus, okay?"

Ueda flicked his eyes over to him. "Ah... alright." Yamashita nodded, and looked back at his papers. Yamashita then told them not to plug their instruments in. "Okay...Ryo, now."

Ryo started off, the guitar sounding strange and metallic. When Yamashita signalled for him to, Ueda started playing the notes he had learnt almost studiously all week, and soon after, Kamenashi followed. Koki started up with the beat, and then Jin was singing.

Yamashita smiled. They actually sounded good - much better than when Koyama was with them. And when the chorus rolled around, and Jin and Ueda were both singing, it sounded even better. Yamashita smiled. Until -

"Shit!" Kamenashi swore, as he suddenly found himself on the floor.

Yamashita leapt up, by his side in moments. "What happened? Are you sure you're alright?"

Kamenashi sighed. "I told you, I didn't get any sleep..."

Jin came and crouched next to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Tell us."

Noticing everyone else putting down their instruments, Ueda did the same, and hovered around the group on the floor worriedly. Kamenashi had been so kind to him the week before. Kamenashi smiled up at him.

"The flower shop isn't doing too well. My parents are making all of us pitch in more, so the shop can open earlier, and close later. I didn't get to bed until twelve last night..."

"Who the heck wants to buy flowers at ten o'clock?" Ryo exclaimed.

Kamenashi chuckled. "Some poor guy who forgot his anniversary? A late Valentines? I don't know, but it's slowly killing me and my brothers - especially with learning songs on top of it all."

"That's unfair. You don't even live there anymore!" Jin said, helping Kamenashi to his feet.

"Tell them that. Wait, no, don't - they don't need another reason to hate you," he said in a bitter tone. Jin just chuckled.

"Let's just stop for now. Come on, Kame, you can sleep in my bed," Jin said, unstrapping Kamenashi's bass from him and handing it to Yamashita. He led the smaller man out of the shed, one arm firmly around his shoulders.

Nishikido sighed, and threw himself back onto an armchair. "And just when it had started sounding good..."

Yamashita hit him over the head. "Stop it. You aren't perfect, either."

"Yes, I am," Nishikido mumbled, grabbing Yamashita's papers and glancing over them.

"You sounded awesome," Koki piped up from the back. Ueda turned around, surprised.

"Thankyou," he said, bowing his head slightly. Koki chuckled.

"You don't have to be so polite with us. We're your band, right?"

"R-right."

Koki stood up, and clapped him on the back. "We're like...your family now. I know we're not much, but that's all we have to offer, sorry."

Ueda cracked a smile at that. "No, it's fine... you're all great."

Koki smiled, and leant down closer, so he could murmur into Ueda's ear. "Even Nishikido?"

"I heard that!"

Ueda laughed. "Even Nishikido."

"Good!"

"Shut up, Ryo!"

 >>><<<

Jin came back later, after everyone had settled down slightly; a plastic bag in his hands.

"I brought lunch," he said, and placed the bag on a small table.

Koki and Nishikido dove for the bag first. Yamashita noticed that Ueda stayed back, not knowing whether to join in or not, so he grabbed a few pieces of chicken for him. Ueda threw him a grateful smile.

Yamashita then turned to his friend, who had just forced himself into the same chair he was in.

"Hey, Jin, are you alright?" Jin was looking harried and worn, and kept sighing around his chicken.

"Kame doesn't know what to do. He wants to help his parents, but then he wants to be independent at the same time. But Pi, they're really struggling. Like, thinking about abandoning the shop, kind of struggling. He wants to stay in the band, but I can see it's wearing him out. He crashed as soon as he hit the pillow," Jin explained, keeping his eyes downturned.

Yamashita put a hand on his shoulder. "Kame is one of the strongest people we know. There's no way he'd leave the band..."

"But it was him saying it! He was the one saying that he should leave! I don't know what to do; this is Koyama all over again," Jin exclaimed, looking around - Yamashita could tell that he was searching for something to throw.

"This is _not_ like what happened with Koyama, and you know it!"

"Um..."

Yamashita and Jin both looked up at the same time, into a pair of wide, brown eyes. "Ueda?"

"Um... I'm sorry for interrupting, but... if Kamenashi needs someone to work at the store you were talking about, I could help..." Ueda said timidly, twisting his hands around each other. Yamashita looked over at Jin, who was staring at Ueda.

"Really? You'd do that?" Jin asked, leaning forward slightly. Ueda nodded.

"I don't...really have a job at the moment... and Kamenashi seems like a nice person...I'd like to help him," he answered. Yamashita put a hand over Ueda's own, to stop him fidgeting.

"I don't know if they'd be able to pay you, though..." Jin said, face darkening again.

Ueda rushed to speak again. "No, it's fine!"

"Seriously?"

"Yes... It beats sitting at home every day, anyway." Yamashita's grip tightened on Ueda's hands, and an awed smile began forming on his face.

Jin leapt to his feat, unseating Yamashita as he did, and grabbed Ueda's shoulders, wrenching his hands out of Yamashita's. There was a massive smile on his face. "Will you?"

Ueda laughed. "Yes!"

Jin's arms enveloped him in a bone-crushing hug, and then he was running out the door and back into the house. Ueda just stood there, slightly stunned. Yamashita laughed.

"I think Jin got a little over-excited..." Koki said, tossing another piece of chicken to Ueda. He and Nishikido were still eating.

"Well, I think we should be off, then," Yamashita said, and Koki and Nishikido both turned to him. "What? Do you really think we're gonna be able to practice now?"

Nishikido sighed. "Guess not. Remember, movie night next weekend," he said, as he collected his things and prepared to leave. "See ya, Pi, Tanaka," he said, walking around the couches and looking Ueda in the eye. "Bye, Bambi."

"Ah...bye..." A strange emotion passed over Nishikido's face, but then it was gone, and he was brushing past Ueda without another word.

"Ooh, I should go too. No-one else is gonna feed those puppies, are they?" Koki said happily, hoisting his bag over his shoulder. "Thank Jin for the lunch for us, 'kay?"

Yamashita laughed. "See you, Koki." Ueda nodded at him, and Koki smiled at him sweetly.

"Come on, I'll drive you home," Yamashita said, and finally stood up from the armchair. Ueda collected his bag and his guitar, and the two walked back to the car, through Jin's house.

Jin barrelled down a corridor, smashing right into Ueda and sending them both sprawling onto the floor, arms and legs and guitar tangled together messily. Yamashita rolled his eyes as he pulled Jin up, and held onto Ueda's guitar as he got himself off the floor.

"Phew, I'm glad I caught you two before you left," he said, "Kame's really grateful for your help, Ueda. So am I. Thankyou, so much." Ueda felt uncomfortable at Jin's words, but pleased at the same time. "He says that they can't pay you right now, but after a while, they'll figure something out."

"Really, it's fine..." Jin shot him a big smile, patted both of them on the back, and retreated into the kitchen.

 >>><<<

The car stopped outside the rundown apartment block, and Yamashita turned to him.

"Thanks for that... with Kame and everything. That was really great."

"Why does everyone keep thanking me? It's fine; Kamenashi seems like a great person," Ueda said as he opened the door and retrieved his guitar and bag from the backseat.

"Ueda? Ueda Tatsuya?" someone called, from across the lawn. Ueda turned, waved slightly, dropped his bag, and jogged slightly to meet them in the middle of the grass. Yamashita couldn't hear what they were saying; there were exaggerated hand-movements and crossed arms and furrowed eyebrows.

Yamashita could only look on as the other person left, and Ueda stormed back over.

"Hey...you alright?"

Ueda's eyes were teary as he looked up from picking his bag from the ground. "No, no, I'm fine, really. Just great. Bye, Yamashita, see you next week!" He smiled brightly, sniffled, and turned away. For some reason, Yamashita let him go. He would think about it later; wonder why he didn't stop him, wonder why he didn't call out after him. Instead, he turned the car back on, waved to him, and drove away; Ueda's reflection in his rear-view mirror.

>>><<<

He couldn't sleep. Every time he tried, Ueda's glassy eyes floated back into his memory. Yamashita looked at the clock. It was almost three in the morning.

He found himself dressed and driving to Ueda's apartment block in no time. Yamashita ran across the overgrown lawn, and up the stairs to the number Ueda had written on his piece of paper. He knocked, but no-one answered. He knocked louder; he even called out a few times; but still no copper-haired man opened the door. A balding man opened the door next to Ueda's.

"What the heck do you want at this time in the morning?!" he exclaimed, eyes still hazy from sleep.

"I--uh--sorry, I was just looking for Ueda Tatsuya. Is he here?"

"How the heck am I supposed to know? All I know is that he keeps me awake, playing that bloody guitar of his! Go see the landlady; she's downstairs. Goodnight!" he shouted, and slammed the door.

Yamashita turned on his heel and made his way back down the stairs, which creaked with every step he took. He reached what he assumed was the landlady's apartment - it was the only door on the floor - and knocked. He knocked again.

The door was pulled open by a coughing middle-aged woman, who cast him a long look. "What."

"I'm looking for Ueda Tatsuya, he doesn't seem to b--"

"Ueda? That loser of a man?" She asked, scrunching up her face. "I kicked him out today - hasn't paid his rent in two months. Little fucker; all he does is sit there and tinker around with his guitar. Keeps everyone up."

"Wait - you _what?_ "

"Kicked him out. Sorry - 'evicted him'. That's what you prissy rich people say, right? Whatever," she said mockingly, "Are you done asking about your little slut now? Can I actually go and have a good nights rest?" She didn't wait for Yamashita's answer before closing the door in his face.

Yamashita was furious. His fists were shaking; his face was red; his jaw hurt from clenching it so tightly. He couldn't believe how someone could talk about Ueda - wide-eyed, shy Ueda - like that. Like he was a piece of trash. And then cast him aside.

_Where was he now?_ Yamashita thought, climbing back into his car. Where should he start looking for him? No wonder Ueda was looking so down when he returned to the car that afternoon.

Yamashita settled on driving slowly around the streets, his mind still whirling. Where could one small musician go? Where did he get his money from? He had said that he didn't have a job; how was he surviving?

There was a park up ahead, and Yamashita parked the car to search. It was rather large, with children's play equipment and benches spread out across the grass. There were trees casting their eerie shadows across the lawn; and Yamashita had to be careful not to trip due to the poor lighting.

An odd sight soon appeared in front of him. A large, golden dog stood on all fours, ears flicked up towards him. Yamashita stopped dead as the animal started to bark, it's deep voice resounding around the streets. It stepped forward, and Yamashita took a step back, until he heard it.

"Calm down, Eri."

"...Ueda?"

"...Yamashita?"

"Where are you?"

"Under the slide."

Yamashita moved around until he saw the opening under the slide. He walked towards it carefully, holding out a closed fist for the dog - Eri - to sniff. He held his breath as she sniffed it, looking up at him with large brown eyes. He breathed out as her tail started wagging slowly, and she turned away.

Yamashita squatted down next to her, and peered inside the dim makeshift cave. Ueda was resting against the side of the platform which led up to the slide, his knees against his chest and face turned towards Yamashita. Around his ankle was a leash, which in turn was attached to Eri's collar. He had two large bags with him, and both of his guitar cases. He smiled.

"Hey."

"Why didn't you tell me what had happened?" Yamashita demanded, moving to sit down properly next to him.

"It's my problem, not yours. I'll be fine - I just need a pl---"

Ueda was cut off as Yamashita grabbed his foot, wrenching the leash off, and threw both of his bags over his shoulder with the other hand. Ueda spluttered, watching on, when Yamashita stormed off across the park with his dog and his only belongings. All he could do was hastily pick up his guitars and rush along after him.

Yamashita yanked open one of the back doors of his car, throwing in the bags and helping Eri into it. He wordlessly took Ueda's guitars from him, then pushed him into the passenger seat.

The drive was a silent, awkward one.

That was, until Yamashita was parking and Ueda realised where they were.

"Stay," was the only word Yamashita spoke, and he ran into the house. Ueda could only sit in the car with Eri whining as he watched him go.

Yamashita used his spare key to get in, but didn't waste any time with pleasantries. "Jin!" he shouted, and kept doing so until he heard a thump.

A bleary-eyed Jin stumbled out from a room in nothing more than his boxers. "What?"

"Can Ueda stay here?"

"...Eh?"

"Ueda! Can he stay here?"

"Oi, I heard you, I just don't understand why you're asking me at five in the morning, crazy man," Jin muttered, moving into the kitchen with Yamashita shadowing him. "Coffee? Since I'm already awake and all..."

Yamashita shook his head, and Jin just shrugged, making some for himself. "Ueda was evicted. "

"Eh?" Jin's eyes widened. "Seriously?"

"Yeah... and he needs a place to stay. Can he stay here?"

"Sure - no-one else is here besides me," Jin said, stirring his coffee.

"Oh, and he's got a dog."

"Eh, that's okay. There's too much room out there, anyway."

"You know I love you, right?" Yamashita said over his shoulder as he ran back outside to collect Ueda.

"Pfft, yeah, right," Jin muttered under his breath, blowing on his coffee.

Yamashita bundled Eri out of the car, and tugged on Ueda's arm to get him to move. Ueda wouldn't leave without his guitars, so he let him grab them and his bags before practically throwing him into the house.

"Isn't...Isn't Akanishi sleeping?" Ueda whispered, following after Yamashita slowly.

"No, Akanishi is _not_ sleeping, although he would like to be," Jin said as they entered the kitchen. Ueda quickly averted his eyes - Jin still only had his boxers on.

"Jin's letting you stay here, for as long as you need," Yamashita explained, climbing onto a high chair, still with Eri's leash wrapped around his hand. Jin nodded at Ueda, who looked back at him with wide eyes.

"No, no, it's fine, I'll--"

"Oh, shut up. Koki gave you the 'talk', didn't he?" Jin asked, leaning against the counter. "Shit, that's cold," he swore, almost leaping off the counter again. "The one about the band being family and stuff like that?" Jin rubbed his hip, trying to warm it. Ueda nodded. "Well, this is my thanks for that thing with Kame before. Make yourself at home. Oh, but the dog is going to have to stay outside." Ueda nodded again, looking at Eri, who was busy sticking her nose into everything she could find.

"I have one condition."

Yamashita and Jin both looked at him in shock.

"You let me sleep in the shed."

"What?"

"The shed. I want to sleep there."

"O...okay..." Jin said, eyes still wide.

Yamashita hit him. "Don't let him sleep there!"

Jin leaned in closer to him. "Pi, he's scaring me; I'm doing whatever the heck he wants."

"You're pathetic."

"I'll...just have to put a mattress in there or something for you," Jin said, sipping his coffee.

"No! Don't le--"

"Thankyou," Ueda said, bowing slightly. "I don't want to impose on you too much."

Jin laughed. "It's okay. But I'm gonna have to force you to impose on me for dinner and breakfast." Ueda smiled widely, and nodded.

"Thankyou."  
  
 

\--end of chapter 2


	3. Tomorrow's Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ueda Tatsuya was nothing. Nothing, until Yamashita Tomohisa helped him fit in. He found him a band; he found him friends. This is the story of their rise to the top - the music, the troubles faced, the bonds formed.

"Woah...what the heck?" Nishikido demanded, as he walked into the shed, and saw Ueda's mattress lying on the floor, squashed near the wall. Jin had christened it "Ueda's corner", and had seen fit to scrawl it onto the wall.

"He's living here," Jin explained, handing the surprised guitarist a cup of coffee. "He needed somewhere to stay, so I lovingly welcomed him into th---"

"No, you were half-asleep and in your underpants when you agreed. I'm surprised you remembered he was here," Yamashita said from an armchair. "Oi, pass me a donut."

"No," Jin said, and gave one to Ueda instead, but Nishikido stole it from him. "Hey! That was for my beloved housemate!"

"Beloved, my ass. Thanks, Bambi," Nishikido said, but tore the donut in half, giving the other piece to Ueda. Ueda took it, surprised, and Nishikido looked at him. "What, you think I'm mean all the time?" He smiled widely, and Ueda found himself smiling, too.

"Thanks," he said.

"Puppy!"

The members inside the shed turned towards the door. There was muffled laughter from outside, and everyone exchanged glances. That was, until Koki burst through the door, laughing and picking grass out of his hair.

"There's a puppy out there, guys!" he said breathlessly.

Ueda laughed. "She's mine; her name's Eri."

Koki looked up at him with shining eyes. "Really? Cool! Can I go and play with her again?" Ueda nodded, and Koki rushed back outside.

When Ueda cast a slightly bewildered look around, Jin laughed and explained. "Koki loves animals. He volunteers over at the shelter; he's practically drawn to anything with fur."

"He doesn't...look like the sort of person who would," Ueda said, moving to the small window and standing on his toes to peek out of it. He could see Koki on his knees, playfully batting at Eri as she ran in circles around him, tail wagging happily.

"He really doesn't, but there's more to that man than meets the eye," Yamashita said, coming over to stand next to Ueda. He caught sight of a familiar figure making his way across the lawn. "Oh, Kame's here."

Yamashita moved off as Kame approached, but Ueda kept standing there, bracing himself against the small ledge. He saw Eri forget about Koki, who was now rolling on the ground, and rush over to greet Kamenashi. He smiled, and rubbed her ears, and she trotted off happily.

The door opened soon after, and Kamenashi walked in. "Hey, guys," he called, before taking his sunglasses off and dumping his bag on the floor. "What the hell is 'Ueda's corner'." It wasn't a question.

"Apparently, Bambi's living here now. Lucky bastard doesn't have to pay for train tickets to get here..." Nishikido grumbled, but suddenly brightened up. "Oh! Jin, remember we have to move your TV in here; it's movie night."

Kamenashi groaned. "Do we have to? I'm tired..."

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because---"

"Because you'll never hear the end of it if you don't," Jin finished for Ryo, earning a glare. "What time did you get home last night?"

"About ten, but I couldn't sleep," Kamenashi said tiredly, snatching a donut from the plate. "I made a paper dinosaur, though. I'm pretty sure I'll have an entire paper ecosystem soon." Jin laughed, and Kamenashi's face softened.

The peaceful atmosphere was disturbed by Nishikido, who suddenly wrenched open the door and yelled, "Hey, Tanaka! Are we gonna practice or not?" Ueda watched as Koki had to fight for the right to stand, and then had to distract Eri by throwing his shoe to make her leave him alone.

As he walked in, face bright and full of smiles, Ueda said, "You're never getting that back again." Eri was quite content gnawing on the sneaker.

Koki laughed, eyes shining. "Ah, don't worry about it. Here, give her this one, too; I don't need it anymore," he said, and toed his other shoe off, handing it to Ueda, who just looked at him. "....I'll go give it to her myself, then." Ueda nodded.

"Practice!" Nishikido roared, ready and standing in place.

The rest of the band leapt into place, and Koki joined them after he had thrown his other sneaker outside.

Yamashita sunk into an armchair, a blue pencil in his hands and papers resting on his knees. "Okay, we'll do it like last week. But I want Ueda and Ryo to swap."

"Huh?"

"Ryo, instead of going first, I want you to follow after Ueda," Yamashita said, scribbling something on the papers.

"....'kay."

Yamashita counted them in, and Ueda started, feeling nervous. Somehow, though, he felt the nerves dissapate as Nishikido joined in. Kamenashi followed, and then Koki. Jin started singing, then, with a small smile on his face as he looked at Yamashita.

They were making music again.

 

>>><<<

 

Jin and Nishikido set up the television and the DVD player into the studio whilst Yamashita went out to get them all takeaway for dinner. Ueda had offered to cook, but Yamashita was out the door before he had finished speaking.

"Hey, Ueda..." Kamenashi started, turning towards Ueda, who was packing away his guitar. "I just wanted to thank you - about the shop, and everything."

Ueda turned. "It's fine - I keep telling everyone. When do you want me to start? And how far away is it?"

Kamenashi beamed. "Thanks! It's just down the road, around the corner - you could probably walk there. And can you start on Monday, at around nine?" Ueda nodded enthusiastically, and Kamenashi threw his arms around him. "You've saved me from a life of making paper cranes!" Ueda laughed.

"I want a hug, too," Koki complained, and Kamenashi stretched out an arm to welcome him into it. Koki wrapped his arms around the both of them, and the three swayed dangerously, laughing.

"Okay, are you two trying to suffocate the new guy?" Yamashita asked as he walked back in with some paper bags, closely followed by Eri. The scent of meat and fries wafted in with them.

"Oh my God, food!" Koki exclaimed, worming his way out from under Kamenashi and Ueda.

"No! Leave some for the rest of us!" came Nishikido's muffled yell from somewhere behind the television. Yamashita laughed.

As Ueda forced Eri back outside, Yamashita put the bags down on the mattress, and Koki pounced on them. Ueda shut the door, and perched next to Koki on the mattress. Kamenashi and Yamashita followed soon after, and Nishikido backed his way out from behind the television. Jin then came through the door, holding a six-pack of beer triumphantly. Koki and Yamashita cheered around their burgers as Jin sat down, too.

"Wow. Who knew so many people could fit on one mattress?" he said, opening a can for himself and offering the rest around. Kamenashi passed him his burger, which he accepted happily.

Yamashita felt around in the bag, and passed Ueda's food over to him. He smiled at him, and as Ueda wiggled around to find a better position, Yamashita realised that he had really come a long way in these two weeks.

"Guys, shut up, the movie's starting," Nishikido said, and took a bite out of his burger. Kamenashi rolled his eyes at Ueda over the top of Nishikido's head, and Ueda laughed.

"Is this dubbed or are we gonna have to read?" Jin suddenly asked.

"Read! Shh!"

 

>>><<<

 

"Oh, so _that's_ Bambi..."

"What the hell is it?"

"It's a deer, Jin..."

"Aw, it's so cute!"

"Holy crap, Ueda does look like him."

"Told ya."

"W--what? No... I don--"

"Oh my God, I want that rabbit."

"What was that noise?"

"Um...Kamenashi just fell off the mattress..."

"...Just leave him there."

"...Okay."

 

>>><<<

 

That Monday was Ueda's first day working, and he was in a surprisingly happy mood; he had made breakfast for he and Jin, who had encased him in another crushing hug. He had also interrogated the other nervously, asking what he should bring and what he should do. Jin had just laughed, waving his hand, and saying that he just needed to be himself. Right.

Ueda stood outside the flower shop, ten minutes before his shift started. It was only small; seemingly crushed between the two apartment blocks which flanked it on either side. There were some flower bunches sitting outside in pots, waiting to be sold. A wooden sign stood above the shop, proudly stating it's contents. Ueda took a deep breath, and walked in.

A small bell rang as he opened and closed the door again, alerting the people who were inside. There was only a small girl sitting next to some pale yellow flowers, and she leapt up, rushing behind a curtain which seemingly separated the shop from the house. Ueda stood there awkwardly, fiddling with his bag.

Kamenashi ran out from behind the curtain soon after. A smile grew on his face as he saw Ueda there, and drew him in for a hug. Ueda was starting to get used to them, which surprised him. Kamenashi then showed him around, telling him how to use everything

"Thanks for this," he started, but Ueda threw a non-threatening glare at him and he quietened. "Right - you know the times and everything? You're okay?"

"I'm fine, Kamenashi."

"My brother's girlfriend will be here after your shift, so--"

"Really, I'm fine."

"Okay..." Kamenashi said, and left with a goodbye and a tingle from the bell as he walked out the door. Ueda stood there lost for a while, until he ventured behind the desk and put his bag down where Kamenashi said he could.

The day went by surprisingly fast. Few customers came in, and all Ueda really had to do was wrap the flowers and take their money. There were long periods of time where no-one walked past; where no-one even spared a glance at the little shop, and so Ueda would hum to himself.

It was half past five when he entered the shop, the little bell signalling his presence. Ueda looked up from doodling on a piece of paper, and his eyes widened.

Nishikido stood uncomfortably in the middle of the store, with his hands rammed into the pockets of his hoodie. His shoulders were drawn up, and his eyes darted around.

"Nishikido?" Ueda asked, surprised that the other was there. Nishikido's eyes flew up, and suddenly he whirled around, waving.

"Ah - sorry - nevermind, Bambi," he muttered, and was out the door before Ueda could say another word.

_That was odd,_ Ueda thought, but was soon distracted by another customer.

 

>>><<<

 

Ueda worked from nine until six in the evening every weekday. He was getting better; he was opening up to the customers more. He would talk to them, and give the occasional smile. Kamenashi was less tired nowadays, too - everyone could see it. Everytime he walked in the door to the studio with a big smile on his face, Jin would throw a thankful look at Ueda.

He hadn't told anyone about Nishikido coming to the shop - after all, why should he? It was none of his business if he wanted to buy flowers for someone. Even if he were to walk out almost as soon as he walked in. Nishikido himself wasn't acting any differently that Saturday - he was still sitting by himself, strumming his guitar; still bullying Jin; still calling him Bambi.

Yamashita let them practice with their instruments plugged in this time. Ueda felt some sort of thrill run up and down his spine as he did so, and an unexplainable smile crept up upon his face. Nishikido had the same smile, and made eye contact with him. Ueda hadn't seen that kind of a spark in his eye before.

"Let's rock," Jin said, and then they were playing. It was loud, it was jarring - but it was music.

They stopped after the first chorus, when Yamashita signalled to. "Guys, you're awesome, seriously."

"Are you trying to tell us we sounded awful before?"

"No - but Koyama is no Ueda," Yamashita said. Ueda looked at him questioningly, but he wasn't looking at him.

"Why'd you stop us? Jin asked.

"Ah, I gotta make a call," he answered, and turned to walk outside.

"Since our little mascot has just disappeared... let's pack up for today," Jin said.

"Eh? But we were just getting started!" Nishikido exclaimed. Jin shot a look at Nishikido, and nodded his head towards Kamenashi, who had sunk into an armchair with a groan. Nishikido sighed, but let it drop.

"Why are you so tired, Kame?" Koki asked, setting down his drumsticks.

"I'm not tired. I'm just... annoyed."

"Why?"

"...no reason. Family stuff. Oh, that reminds me - it's my shift soon." Kamenashi had packed and left almost as soon as he had finished speaking, throwing a wave over his shoulder as he passed through the door. Yamashita walked back in then, casting them a strange look.

"What's up with Kame?"

"No idea," Jin answered, eyes still on the door.

"Who'd you call?" Koki asked, moving over to occupy the seat which Kame had just left free.

"None of your business," Yamashita said, and hit him over the head lightly.

"Ah! Crap! I've gotta go! Babysitting duties!" Nishikido yelled, and rushed out the door.

"Babysitting?" Ueda asked, mostly to himself, but Jin heard him.

"Oh, don't worry, they're his sister's children. We wouldn't let him get near other small children, just in case he ate them," he said seriously. Ueda burst out laughing, and Jin smiled, throwing a look over at Yamashita.

The others left soon after, and since it was Jin's turn to cook dinner, he disappeared into the house, leaving Ueda alone. He hummed to himself as he packed away his guitar carefully. He was about to make his way over to the house to see if Jin needed any help, when the someone knocked on the door.

"Jin?"

"Hey. I...uh...kinda almost burnt down the kitchen... wanna go out somewhere? Don't worry, I'll pay," he added hurriedly. Ueda laughed.

"Almost burnt down the kitchen?"

"...yes. I don't cook very often, shut up."

 

>>><<<

 

They decided to go to a nearby ramen place, which Jin claimed had sustained him for years now. They perched themselves on two stools, and Ueda cast his eye about whilst Jin ordered for the both of them. It was small, but cosy, with a comforting smell about it. There were few people there, but their mutterings were drowned out by the noise coming from the open kitchen.

Their ramen came quickly, and the two dug in happily, making appreciative noises every so often. Their waiter had nothing else to do, so he stayed by them, making small talk. Jin answered accordingly, but as soon as the man left, he turned to Ueda.

"Ugh, I hate it when they do that. I like to eat in peace, y'know?" he said, dipping his chopsticks back into his bowl and pulling out the steaming noodles. Ueda nodded.

"I'm not really someone who can talk to other people..."

"Yeah, I can tell."

"Oh...sorry."

"No, it's no problem. I was like that when I was younger - Pi had to literally drag me out of the house sometimes," Jin said, resting his elbows on the table.

"Really?" Ueda asked, and turned to him with wide eyes. He was so friendly - so outgoing - and it was hard for him to imagine the other being any other way.

Jin nodded. "I used to freak out whenever anyone spoke to me. I was so scared... I don't know why. It's hard to explain. But eventually, I just... grew out of it."

"How?" Ueda asked.

"You just... I don't know. You get used to it, I think. My mother had this point of making someone smile each day, and I really admired that. It gave me strength, and I think I draw from that whenever I have to talk to someone. They're not as scary as they seem," Jin explained, with a small smile on his face.

"Do you... think I could do that? Do you think I could talk to people like you do?" he asked.

"Of course I do," Jin said firmly. "You're more than you think you are. You're capable of so much more, little man."

Ueda laughed. "At least you're not calling me Bambi."

"Ah, we tried, but Ryo almost bit our heads off," Jin said, chuckling lightly before reaching for his beer. "I don't know what's gotten into h--- Kame?"

"Kame? Kamenashi?" Ueda asked, looking around. Jin was staring out of the window next to Ueda with a puzzled look on his face. "Where?"

"Outside... Do you mind if I go see?" When Ueda shook his head, Jin rushed out of the place. Ueda peered out of the window, having to lift himself off his stool slightly to be able to see.

It was indeed Kamenashi standing out there. There was another, smaller person outside, too, but Ueda couldn't see much of them. He could only see Jin's face - Kamenashi and the other person were turned away from the window - and from what he could see, it wasn't a happy conversation. Jin's eyebrows were furrowed, and his hands were flying about as he spoke. Kamenashi was giving as much as he received, though; he seemed to be yelling and every so often he would push him in the chest.

Ueda quickly returned to his cooling noodles as Jin stormed back inside.

"Is everyth---"

"You done?"

"Uh..yeah..."

"Good, let's go."

Ueda hurried to get to his feet before Jin grabbed his elbow and practically dragged him out of the place. He tried numerous times to ask him what was wrong, but he would either ignore him completely or interrupt his question, so Ueda gave up quickly.

Jin shoved Ueda into the house, took hold of his elbow again, and steered him into the lounge room, before throwing him onto the couch.

Ueda looked up at him through a messy fringe, scared. He had never seen Jin like this - he was panting hard, pulling at the elastic which held his ponytail harshly. He almost _growled_ as he dragged a hand through his hair, and turned back to Ueda. Ueda shrunk back into the couch. Jin stood there staring at him for a while, before snarling and turning to look out the window.

"He's got a fucking _girlfriend_ ," he started, glaring out of the window. Ueda didn't speak. "A little princess-y thing with eyelashes too long and her skirt too short." He moved away from the window, and saw Ueda sitting just as he had landed. "I'm sorry - did I hurt you?" Jin asked, sitting next to him. Ueda shook his head, but didn't look him in the eye.

"A-are you talking about Kamenashi?"

"Yeah..." At least Jin seemed to have calmed down now. He was breathing normally and fidgeting with the hem of Ueda's shirt. "I--he didn't even tell me. I bet Koki knows... After all we've been through..."

They sat in silence for a while; Ueda watching Jin's long fingers as they played with the fabric.

"Hey, Ueda?" Ueda looked up. Jin was too close. Too close. He could see the pain etched into those brown eyes. He could feel Jin's breath on his own skin. He could see Jin's eyes flash down to his lips and then back up to meet his eyes again. He could see Jin leaning in slowly.

What he didn't see, however, was the front door opening. So focused was he on Jin's descending lips, he didn't see Kamenashi standing in the doorway of the living room, eyes wide.

 

 

\--end of chapter 3


	4. Tomorrow's Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ueda Tatsuya was nothing. Nothing, until Yamashita Tomohisa helped him fit in. He found him a band; he found him friends. This is the story of their rise to the top - the music, the troubles faced, the bonds formed.

"Akanishi Jin."

Jin froze, eyes wide, lips just millimetres from Ueda's own, and turned slowly.

Kamenashi's white face stared back at them, disbelieving eyes flicking from Jin to Ueda. He shook his head exasperatedly, and turned on his heel, slamming the door behind him again.

"Shit," Jin muttered, and leapt off the couch to follow the other.

Ueda's heart was still thumping too fast. He clutched at his chest, wondering why Jin had acted the way he had. His eyes darted about as he thought madly, trying to calm himself down. Jin had just tried to _kiss_ him. And he had almost succeeded, even though Ueda had leant back as far as he could. Why would he do that? Why would Jin want to kiss him?

Confused, and still slightly scared, he walked out to the shed, and without a second thought, let Eri in. She shot straight over to the mattress and sat upon it, waiting for her owner. Ueda walked in, and collapsed onto his bed, turning onto his back and hugging Eri.

"What's going on, girl?"

>>><<<

 

The next morning, Ueda was making pancakes for breakfast - Sunday was deemed 'pancake day'. The smell of cooking pancakes filled the house, and he hummed quietly to himself as he worked.

"Morning," Jin said as he entered the kitchen, carefully eyeing Ueda.

"Good morning," Ueda answered, but didn't turn from mixing the batter.

"Uh...abou--"

"Did you manage to find Kamenashi?" Ueda interrupted, pouring the batter into the pan.

"Oh... yeah. I explained everything..." Ueda was silent for a while longer, as he checked the pancake in the pan with a spatula. He put the utensil down, and turned to Jin, with his lower back resting against the counter. He had a questioning look on his face.

Jin sighed. "I... I didn't mean it - I didn't mean to try to kiss you... My emotions were all scrambled, and you were there..." Jin ducked his head to look into Ueda's unreadable eyes. "I'm so sorry."

Ueda finally lifted his head. "It's alright. You just... scared me. A lot."

"I know - you must have been so confused. I'm sorry. So sorry," Jin murmured from his place at the other side of the kitchen. Ueda smiled lightly. "Is there something I can do to make it up to you?"

"Probably not. However, you can clean the dishes once I'm done," he said, and Jin grinned at him.

"I can do that."

The two soon sat down to Ueda's pancakes, which Jin was determined were the best _ever_ , and ate in silence. When they were done, Ueda handed Jin the plates and he washed them as Ueda sat on the counter, swinging his legs.

"It's going to be awkward at work, isn't it?" Ueda asked.

"Probably. But he's Kame - he'll get over it. He can't be angry at anyone for too long, that's just the way he is," Jin said, smiling and wiping away a strand of hair which had fallen into his eyes with his arm.

"Why haven't you tied your hair up today?" Ueda asked curiously.

"Oh...no reason. Just couldn't be bothered, y'know?" Jin said, focusing on scrubbing the remains of the pancake batter out of the bowl. "What're you doing today?"

"Nothing. Practicing. Or writing something. You?"

"Grovelling to Kame, probably."

"Can I just ask... why do you have to 'grovel' to Kamenashi?"

Jin paused. "Kame and I... we go a long way back." Ueda looked at him blankly. He hadn't answered his question. Jin sighed. "Sit down, it's a long story." Ueda rolled his eyes.

Jin sat down on one of the stools, and Ueda spun around on the counter, crossing his legs and looking at him intently.

"So... Kame and I... uh..." Jin rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. "We've been friends since we were young - our mothers knew each other, so we'd always ended up playing together. We were so close... _so_ close. We shared everything together; one time, I remember he won an award, and he ran all the away from school at lunchtime to come and find me at my own school. He was so out of breath..." Jin had a wistful smile on his face; Ueda didn't think it suited him. "After a while, I dropped out of high school, got a job, moved out of home. His parents thought I was a bad influence on their little studious son, and tried to separate us. But our bond went deeper than that of best friends. I realised that after all these years, I loved him."

Ueda's eyes widened. "You...love Kamenashi?"

Jin nodded. "I told him, too. It was nothing special - I'm not really the sappy type. It was so hard figuring out if I should tell him or not; would he just laugh it off as a joke? Or would he get angry with me? Would he tell me that he never wanted to see me again? The thought that he might just return my feelings had never even crossed my mind."

"But he did?" Ueda said.

"We dated for three years - two of those were full of hidden touches and fleeting kisses. We were both scared that it wasn't real; that someone was going to find out and make it _too_ real. And, of course, that happened.

"My mother found us. It was completely accidental; we were fooling around in a store, and I said something a little too suggestive - and she overheard me. She was fine with it, but you know mothers - she told Kamenashi's parents offhand. They flew into a rage; screaming at me, at Kame, and then keeping him locked away as if I would hurt him. As _if_ I would hurt him." Jin sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. "Then they packed up and left town - I found out later that they were in Hokkaido. It was a nightmare; we're both still healing. Being separated from someone you love like that was... harsh."

Ueda nodded slowly, at a loss at what else to do. Jin smiled at him. "We couldn't rekindle our relationship when he came back. His parents are scary people when they want to be. We didn't want to end up hurt like we were before. So you see, I have to go and grovel to Kame, because I can't stand not seeing him at all. Even if it is from a distance."

"So that was why you were so angry last night?"

"Yeah...seeing him with that girl... was the last straw. I just snapped. I'm really sorry--"

"It's fine, Jin. Really."

Jin hung his head. "Thankyou."

>>><<<

 

Ueda was right. Walking into the flower shop that morning, and seeing Kamenashi's face without it's usually cheery expression, was awkward. They stood in silence for a while, before Kamenashi spoke.

"Jin told me what happened. The other night... I-- He-- We were tr--"

"He told me about your past," Ueda interrupted helpfully, and Kamenashi's face changed.

"Not so loud; my parents are back there," he said, jabbing a thumb towards the curtain behind. Ueda started. He'd never been told to be quiet before. "But I'm glad...it makes things a little easier to understand, right?" Ueda nodded. "Well...I'll be off, then. Have a good day, Ueda."

"Kamenashi! I just wanted to say sorry..." Ueda said quickly, before the other could leave.

He smiled. "It's alright. After thinking about that little 'scene', I realised that you looked really uncomfortable. You were almost bent backwards trying to get away from him, weren't you?"

"He was scaring me."

"He has little moodswings every so often. Next time, just whack him or something," Kame said with a grin. Ueda laughed hesitatingly, but waved as Kamenashi left.

He wasn't completely sure the air was clear between them - there was still something tense about the way Kamenashi had smiled. But it was a start; sometimes, smiling in the face of pain was the most difficult thing to do.

 

>>><<<

 

Yamashita was the first one there that Saturday, and he walked into the studio with a beaming smile. Ueda looked at him quizzically.

"I've got big news for everyone, but it'll have to wait until they all turn up," he said mischeviously, then added, "Koki's sneakers have been well-chewed."

Ueda laughed. "Do you want coffee?" When Yamashita nodded, he walked over to the bench and poured him a cup, handing it to him. Yamashita sighed appreciatively as he sipped at it.

It was never an uncomfortable silence between them. Yamashita was reliable; he was steady. Ueda looked up at him, and smiled. He would never be able to convey how thankful he was, about everything. It was too great to put into words.

Yamashita turned to meet his gaze. "Thanks for the coffee," he said, and Ueda nodded. "You know...you're doing really well. I can't wait to see you up on stage."

"Thanks, but...I don't think I'm ready for that just yet," Ueda laughed, but Yamashita stayed silent.

"I do. I mean, look at how much you've opened up to me. And Jin." Yamashita said.

Their discussion was interrupted by Kamenashi, who had just walked in. "It's getting hot out there, isn't it?" He said, then added, "What the heck's gotten into this weather? One moment it's cold, the next it's hot. I don't know... stupid global warming."

Yamashita laughed as the other tugged off his light jacket. "Yeah - it's gonna be hotter in here, especially once you guys start playing. Ueda, why don't you sleep in the house tonight? It'd probably be cooler, an--"

"N-no! No, I'll be fine, really," Ueda said quickly, glancing at Kamenashi's slightly distrustful face.

"What's going on?" Jin asked as he walked into the studio. "Man, it's hot in here."

"We were just discussing that," Kamenashi said.

Ueda ended up watching the two almost all the time; each interaction; each glance. Every touch lingered; every look was meaningful. If it hurt Ueda inside just to see the two fighting to stay away from each other, he couldn't begin to imagine what it must feel like to be them.

Suddenly, a voice in his ear said, "Bambi." He whipped around, almost hitting Nishikido as he did so. "Whoa! Calm down!"

"Ah, sorry!" Ueda said, eyes wide. "What was it you wanted?"

Nishikido smirked. "Just wanted to know why you were stalking Jin and Kame. You've been staring at them for the past hour."

"R-really? When did you come in?"

Nishikido rolled his eyes. "An hour ago."

"Oh..."

"So...why were you staring at them so intently?" Nishikido asked, shifting from foot to foot.

"I--I wasn't, I w-was just wond--"

"Alright, guys, practice time! And make it good today!" Yamashita interrupted, clapping Ueda and Nishikido on the back.

Ueda and Nishikido moved off to their respective corners, as did the rest of the band. They plugged their instruments in, and waited for Yamashita to tell them what to do.

Yamashita looked at his papers, then up at Jin. "We'll do the whole song today, okay? No breaks."

Jin looked at him, baffled. "What? You _know_ I'm gonna mess up--"

"Then have the words in front of you. I want you guys to do this - I wanna see how seriously you're taking everything." He handed Jin the sheet of paper with the lyrics on it. Jin took it doubtfully.

"Koki? You alright?" Yamashita asked, then.

The drummer looked up. "Yeah - I'm fine. Why'd you ask?"

Yamashita shook his head. "You just look a little pale."

"I'm fine, Pi," Koki said, flashing a smile.

"Okay - guys, we ready?"

Yamashita counted down, and Ueda started, playing the chords that were, by now, practically drilled into his mind. He played every day; his hands were calloused because of it. He loved hearing the moment Nishikido would join him, and then Kamenashi, then Koki. And then singing the chorus with Jin, hearing their voices blend so well, was amazing.

They managed to finish the song with very little mistakes. There were times when any one of them fumbled, but that was to be expected, Yamashita said. They had a break, in which Koki and Nishikido both ran for the bathroom, but the others stayed put inside the studio, except Yamashita, who had just darted outside. He came back soon after, though, looking pleased with himself.

Yamashita came over to talk with Ueda whilst Kamenashi fiddled with his bass. Jin had disappeared into the house when it was just Kamenashi and Ueda in the room.

"Hey, Ueda..." Ueda looked up from checking the music notes on a piece of paper. "Do you think you could sing the song with Jin, without the music to accompany you?"

"Uh...yeah, I guess." Yamashita smiled.

"Hey, Jin, he'll do it." Jin, who had just reappeared, smiled widely and walked over to his microphone stand, taking the microphone off it, and made his way over to an armchair. He gestured for Ueda to take his own microphone, and he did so after setting his guitar carefully down.

It was harder than Ueda had first thought, to sing without any music. It was just their voices, filling the studio and bouncing off the walls. They weren't pitch-perfect, Ueda's voice wobbled in nervousness, and Jin forgot the lyrics numerous times.

"Awesome!" Kamenashi exclaimed as they finished. "For a rock song, that sounded really beautiful."

"Thanks," Jin said.

"I wasn't talking to you, you forgetful oaf." Kamenashi said, waving the song lyrics in his face. Jin laughed, and shook his head.

"Man, Ueda, I love your voice. It's...calming." Koki piped up, having returned from the bathroom. Jin nodded.

"Oi, bugger off, I found him first," Yamashita said, laughing. "Oh! I gotta tell you guys something!" The others stopped what they were doing, and looked at him questioningly. "I've got someone I want you to meet." He walked over to the door under the careful eyes of everyone else in the room, and opened it.

A lean, black-haired man walked into the studio. He wore clothes which seemed unsuited for the dusty shed; shiny silver shoes and a long-sleeved white shirt with a black vest thrown tastefully over the top. "Hello," he said, a wide smile appearing on his face.

"Hello...?" Jin said, and stepped forward.

"This is Kato Shigeaki," Yamashita explained, leading the other in. "He's your manager."

"Our _what?_ "

"Manager!" Yamashita said happily, taking in everyone's shocked expressions. "I called him up a while ago, but I needed to make sure you guys were worth his time, y'know? And then I had to make sure that you all actually knew at least one song. And here he is!"

"Is this the reason you've been acting so funny lately?" Jin asked. "You've been rushing out and calling people at the strangest times..."

Yamashita chuckled. "Yeah, the company told me what times I had to contact him." Kato nodded. "Ah! Well, I suppose introductions would be good..."

Jin laughed. "Here, I'll do it. Hey...Kato, was it?"

"Just call me Shige," Kato said, and shook Jin's hand as he introduced himself, and then the rest of the band.

"And this is our newest member, Ueda Tatsuya," he finished. Kato's eyes fell upon his, and Jin gave him an encouraging look.

"N-nice to meet you," Ueda said. Kato smiled that wide smile again.

"You, too. Now, can I hear you all play?"

>>><<<

 

They still couldn't believe it. It had been two weeks, and yet, they still couldn't believe that they had a manager. Finally.

Kato, who had eventually given up trying to make Ueda call him 'Shige', had quickly fallen into step with them, and had become somewhat of another member. He had laughed wholeheartedly the first time he heard Ueda's nickname, and high-fived a slightly stunned Nishikido.

He worked them hard. Instead of the usual lazy Saturday practice, they had to stay there for the entire day, with occasional breaks. None of them particularly minded; the only trouble came when one of them had something urgent to do, and Kato was quite lenient.

After one particularly difficult song, Kato came up to Ueda as he was having a drink in the corner.

"Ueda...can I say something?" He asked. Ueda nodded. "This is going to come off as mean, and I'm apologising in advance, it's just that..." Ueda looked at him, confused. "Is there a way for you to boost your voice up? Make it stronger?" Ueda's eyebrows furrowed.

"What?" he asked. "What do you mean?"

"I--"

"Ueda's voice is fine," Yamashita said then, coming to stand next to Ueda. He brought his hand up to the small of Ueda's back, for comfort, and Ueda drew from that.

"I'm not saying his voice isn't fine, Yamapi. I'm just suggesting that he tries to strengthen it a little. At the moment it isn't backing up Jin's the way I want it to. It's too soft."

Ueda nodded slowly, and Kato walked away, to berate Jin for forgetting the lyrics again. Yamashita rubbed his back.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. But...I don't understand what he means."

"I think I do. Your voice - not that it's not good - it's very soft at the moment. You need more self confidence."

Ueda smiled. "Easier said than done."

"True. But we'll work on it, 'kay? Just - I don't know - shout into the mic or something. Try to get your voice at the same volume as Jin's. Just try again next week." When Ueda nodded, Yamashita smiled and left.

Kato let them off earlier that day, declaring that they needed to learn three songs by the end of the week. He bid them goodbye, and left. Koki collapsed onto one of the chairs, claiming that he couldn't feel his wrists. Kamenashi just hit him over the head and told him to stop being a drama queen. Ueda laughed, but he was still caught up with what Kato had told him before.

So, when everyone left, and Ueda and Jin had eaten dinner, Ueda returned to the studio purposefully. He stared at the microphone for a long while, until he unhooked it, and brought it to his mouth. He began singing the song they had been learning; all of it, not just the chorus. He struggled for a while, trying to pinpoint where he was going wrong. Kato had said that his voice wasn't loud enough...but he couldn't just shout into the microphone, like Yamashita had said, even if he had meant it as a joke.

"I just don't get it..." Ueda said to himself, falling down backwards onto one of the armchairs. "What else can I do?"

"Shout into the microphone," a voice said. Ueda jumped, whipping around to see Yamashita standing in the doorway. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I just forgot my phone here..." He walked around the studio, digging under the cushions of the chairs as he spoke. "Seriously, shout into the mic. Go on."

Ueda looked down at the microphone doubtfully. "That'd sound even worse though, wouldn't it?" Yamashita walked over to Jin's microphone stand, and gestured for Ueda to clip his microphone back onto it's stand.

"Listen to me, okay? This is you normally--" Yamashita sung into the microphone, his voice soft and uneven. "And this is how Shige wants you to sing--" He demonstrated that, too, and looked at Ueda. "Do you get it now?"

"I think so..."

"Here, I'll sing with you - not that I'm any good. I'll do Jin's parts, alright?" When Ueda nodded, he started singing. His voice wasn't the best, and it was flat in parts, but Ueda admired that determination. The determination to make him better. The chorus rolled around, then, and Ueda prepared himself. He could do this. He could show Yamashita that he wasn't taking any of this for granted; that he was extremely thankful for everything Yamashita had done. He could do this.

 

\--end of chapter 4

 

 


	5. Tomorrow's Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ueda Tatsuya was nothing. Nothing, until Yamashita Tomohisa helped him fit in. He found him a band; he found him friends. This is the story of their rise to the top - the music, the troubles faced, the bonds formed.

The next Saturday, Ueda nervously waited for the rest of the band to appear. He and Yamashita had practiced every afternoon, and he wanted to show everyone what he had learnt. He was quite proud of himself. He had finally understood what Kato had wanted of him, and even though he had taken it rather personally at first, Yamashita had helped him.

Yamashita threw him a massive smile as he walked in first. "Hey. You ready for today?" Ueda nodded enthusiastically. "Good. I can't wait to hear you with Jin. My voice is terrible."

"No, it's n--"

"Yeah, it really is," Yamashita laughed. "Hey, Jin, isn't my singing terrible?"

Jin, who had just walked in, nodded. "Yeah, it is," he said, and shuddered dramatically. Yamashita hit him.

Kamenashi was the next to arrive, then Nishikido, and then Kato, smile large on his face.

"So, did we learn those songs?"

"Yes, teacher, we did," Kamenashi said, smiling. "Where's Koki?"

"Ah, he texted me and said he couldn't come today," Jin said, busying himself with his microphone. "So we'll be drummer-less today."

Kato groaned. "Damn! I needed him to be here today!" He sighed, and gingerly sat down on an armchair.

"Calm down - we'll just practice to ourselves or something. Or, you know, Jin could actually learn the lyrics," Kamenashi said, earning a glare from Jin.

"We actually had good news to share, didn't we, Yamapi?" Kato said, and Yamashita nodded.

"We totally got you guys a gig."

"You _what?_ " Jin asked, almost dropping his microphone. Yamashita smiled at the astonished faces surrounding him.

"It's just a small thing at Koyama's bar," he said. "But it's a start."

"Are you serious?" Kamenashi asked, looking between Kato and Yamashita. "When?"

Kato chuckled. "Next Friday night. I'm gonna have to ask you guys to come back here during the week to practice, if that's alright." The group nodded.

"Pi, that's...that's fantastic. Thankyou so much," Jin said, hugging his friend. Kato coughed.

"Uh, I do believe that _I_ am your manager, Jin," he said.

"Yes, but you're not my best friend," Jin retorted, and they both smirked.

"Nicely played."

As the others talked excitedly, Ueda was panicking inside. It would be amazing to finally perform their songs in front of others... but it was too soon. He wasn't ready; what if he messed up; what if he did something stupid; what if...

His thoughts were thankfully interrupted by Nishikido, who stood next to him, leaning against the wall. "Breathe, Bambi." Ueda took a deep intake of air, and looked sideways at him. "You okay?" Ueda nodded.

They stood in silence for a while, watching everyone else talk happily. "You're nervous?" Nishikido asked, and Ueda nodded again. "Don't worry, everyone is. We're just happy that we get to perform. We get to show you off this time," he said, smirking. Ueda smiled.

 

>>><<<

 

They practiced that Wednesday, all nerves and shaky breaths. Jin had written to Koki, telling him the good news. He came in with a beautiful, wrinkly smile on his face, hugging the nearest person he could reach.

Ueda struggled at first, but eventually calmed down. He even managed to bring his own arms up to hug Koki back, as he swayed back and forth happily. Koki did eventually let Ueda go, patting him on the back whilst beaming at Kato.

"Way to go, Shige!" He said, bouncing over to him.

Kato laughed. "Calm down, Koki. You've still got to practice. Why weren't you there on Saturday? You know that's our rehearsal day," he asked from what was now his armchair.

"I just wasn't feeling too good," Koki answered with a little smile, "I didn't feel like throwing up all over Kame."

"Oh, why me?" Kamenashi complained, whilst the others laughed.

Ueda was the only one to see Koki turn away, smile dropping from his face momentarily. It was quickly replaced with a new one.

Ueda was distracted by Nishikido, who was standing at Jin's microphone and repeatedly calling his name. The rest of the band were already in place; they just needed him.

Ueda hurried to his spot, flinging the strap of his guitar around him and throwing a sheepish smile to Jin, who laughed. Kato told them which songs to practice; they only had about fifteen minutes onstage that Friday, so they could only have a few songs. They had previously decided on a list; the very first song Ueda had practiced with them being one of them.

Yamashita smiled at him encouragingly as he started to play. He knew how hard Ueda had tried that week. He was there when he had a small breakdown; he was there when his face lit up when he discovered that he could do it.

Yamashita wasn't sure what he was feeling when Ueda stepped up to sing with Jin. In that moment, Ueda locked eyes with him and smiled, still a little uncertainly, and his stomach twisted upon itself. It was an unsure feeling, as if it shouldn't really be there, but was there nonetheless.

Yamashita laughed at the looks the rest of the band were giving Ueda as he sung. Looks of utter astonishment. Kato was smiling widely, giving Ueda a thumbs up. Ueda beamed.

Yamashita had to get out of there.

He quickly bundled up his belongings, and rushed out, ignoring the calls and worried glances. He knew now what was happening; what he was feeling. And he was right - it shouldn't be there. This wasn't meant to be felt for friends. This wasn't right.

He jumped into his car, starting it as fast as he could and turning up the volume on the radio as far as it would go, as if bursting his eardrums would make him feel differently.

It didn't.

The rest of the band threw anxious glances at each other, but continued to play. Kato, who had leapt up as Yamashita ran out of the room, slowly sat back down, eyebrows furrowed. He gestured at the band to speed things up - they had slowed considerably, to the point that they were playing the right notes, but not in sync.

During Nishikido's guitar solo, Jin turned to Ueda, worry evident behind his deep brown eyes. Ueda just shrugged, even though he was concerned himself, and focused on playing his guitar. Jin slowly turned back to his microphone, obviously still thinking about his best friend.

"Alright Jin, you call Yamapi. The rest of you take a break and then we'll continue on with the next song," Kato said. Jin threw him a thankful look, and dashed out of the studio.

Kamenashi came up to Ueda as he downed a glass of water. "Hey, Ueda...is there something going on with Yamapi that we don't know about?" he asked.

Ueda's eyebrows knitted together. "Not that I know..."

Kamenashi nodded in understanding, then turned to lean against the wall. "You know, Ryo came into the store last night..."

Ueda turned to look at the other. "Really?" Kamenashi nodded, thoughtful.

"I don't know why. He just came in, looked around a bit, shook his head, and left," he said, casting a look at Nishikido, who was calmly reading the music notes and strumming his guitar softly.

"He...did that the other day, too," Ueda said, before Kamenashi could leave. Kamenashi shot him a look, mulling over the information in his head. "Except that he didn't look around. He just walked in, mumbled something, then left."

"That's odd... do you think he's got a girlfriend or something?" Kamenashi asked, eyes still firmly on the strangely peaceful figure and his guitar.

"I wouldn't know," Ueda said, with a short laugh. Kamenashi smiled. "You...have a girlfriend, though, don't you?"

Kamenashi's face suddenly darkened, much to Ueda's surprise. "Yes," he answered shortly. "Let's not talk about that, okay? It makes Jin... upset." Ueda nodded, slightly confused, but he dropped the subject.

"Alright, guys, let's get started - we need to think of a name," Kato said, as Jin walked back in.

"Is Yamapi alright?" Koki asked.

Jin nodded. "Yeah, he just...had something to do," he said, looking straight at Ueda, with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Guys!" Kato said forcefully, and they all looked at him. "You don't have a band name. What are they gonna introduce you all as?"

Ueda hadn't even noticed that they didn't have a name.

They sat in a wide circle, throwing random words and phrases at each other. Many names came about, but none of them seemed to fit. Jin was adamant that they call themselves after some form of vegetable, because apparently all the 'cool' bands were named after food. He didn't get very far in his explanation before he had a pillow thrown in his face, and a very satisfied-looking Kato on the opposite side of the circle.

"What about an animal?" Koki suggested.

"Like 'The Elephant Shrew's'?" Jin said, and fell over laughing. Kamenashi, who was sitting closest, hit him.

"Something from 'Bambi'?" Nishikido suggested, grinning widely. Jin snorted from his place on the floor.

"What about 'Butterfly'?" Kamenashi said, as Jin sat back up again.

"'Butterfly'? What the hell are we, high school girls?" Nishikido spat.

"'Le Ciel'."

The group turned toward Ueda, who had been quietly thinking the whole time. "What?"

"Le Ciel," he repeated. "It's French."

"For what?" Kamenashi asked, eyes wide. "Because it sounds beautiful."

"The sky," Ueda said.

"Guys... I think we just got ourselves a name."

 

>>><<<

 

That Friday rolled around quicker than any of them had expected. Jin had driven them all to the bar in his van, the six of them squashed between Koki's drums and Kamenashi's bass. Yamashita had said that he would meet them there, according to Jin; none of them had spoken or heard from him since he ran out.

The bar was small and empty, yet cosy. It had a faint smell of tobacco etched deep into the wooden floorboards and benches. The walls were of brick; and there were posters hung with tape over them. The stage was of an adequate size; there was another, larger poster hung up on the wall behind it. As Kato told them to wait, he walked through the bar, and out of another door, searching for Koyama.

As they waited, Ueda inspected the posters plastered all over the walls haphazardly. "What's that?" He asked to whoever was nearest him.

Nishikido was the one to answer. "That's a poster, Bambi."

Ueda sighed. "I know _that_..." Nishikido grinned, until Koki elbowed him out of the way.

"They're our posters," he said. Ueda looked at him. "Our band posters. What aren't you understanding, here?" Koki asked, as Ueda just stared at him blankly.

"That was fast, we only decided on a name a few days ago," he said.

"Yeah, well, Koki's a bit of a genius when it comes to computers. He did these on Thursday night," Jin explained, coming over to see what they were talking about.

The posters themselves were a deep blue colour. Cursive white font was beautifully placed on top of it, reading out their name. There were faint silhouettes of five people in the background, but had no particular features to tell them apart.

"I had to just made do with what I had - we haven't had any photos taken yet, so..." Koki said, embarrassed. Ueda smiled.

"They look amazing..."

"They're nothing compared to everyone elses'. Have you seen them?" Koki asked, smile fading from his face.

"Yes. I don't like them."

Koki's eyes crinkled up in another one of his beautiful, heartfelt smiles. "You're amazing, Ueda." Ueda grinned.

Kato came back, then, to tell them that they had to set up. It took many trips from the bar to the van and back again to collect Koki's drum kit, which had to be separated into many pieces.

A tall, lean man with ginger hair greeted them when they walked in again, laden with instruments. He had a happy, smiling face, with a sweet smile. His eyes sparkled with mirth as he reached over to steady Koki, who was about to topple over.

"Woah! Careful there, Koki," he said, and Koki smiled.

"Koyama! I haven't seen you in ages," he said, and gave the other a one-armed hug.

Ueda stood back as the tall man hugged the rest of the band, stopping as he reached Ueda.

"Ah, so you must be the new recruit, am I right?" he asked. Ueda nodded. "He's so cute!" Ueda felt embarrassed as he brought him in for a hug, and ruffled his hair. Nishikido put a hand on the others' arm.

"He's shy. Don't scare him," he said, lightly pulling the other off Ueda. Ueda shot him a thankful glance, but Nishikido didn't meet his eyes.

"Ah, sorry!"

Kamenashi laughed. "You just can't help yourself, can you?"

"You should talk," Jin said, earning himself an elbow in the stomach from Kamenashi.

Koyama was talking again, about where everyone was to be positioned and at what time they were playing. They were on after a few other bands, but nowhere near the end. Ueda felt his nerves resurfacing as he faced the stage. The stage that he would be performing on in a few hours.

"Don't worry - once you're up there, it's just you and the music."

Ueda whipped around, to a familiar smiling face. "Yamashita..."

"Thought I forgot about you?" he asked lightheartedly, moving around to hug Koyama.

"Pi! Are you alright?" Koki asked.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine; I just had something to do, that's all."

"Okay guys, why don't you go set up while Pi and I talk with Koyama," Kato said, and everyone moved off.

Ueda struggled under the weight of both his guitar and one of Koki's drums, and he could feel the drum slipping through his fingers. He awkwardly tried to balance the drum on his knee as he attempted to get a better grip, but the drum was quickly taken from him. He looked up, and saw Nishikido hurry off with it, practically throwing the instrument at Koki and shuffling off.

Kamenashi threw Ueda a puzzled look, which he returned. He busied himself with finding a place to set his guitar down, and then helped Jin with the soundcheck, feeling quite self-conscious whilst doing so. Koki was ever-present in the background, hitting random drums behind them to check how they sounded in the room. Nishikido was off near the bar, sitting on a stool and lazily plucking the strings on his guitar as he tuned it. Kamenashi was checking over his bass in a corner. Ueda had already tuned and fretted over his guitar obsessively, and he had to fight the urge to check it again.

Everything had to be perfect.

>>><<<

 

Ueda's nerves rose as the time ticked by. They had been informed by Koyama that they were playing for the opening of a new magazine; one which was targeted at young people. There were groups of people coming in - more musicians, looking put-out because of Koki's drumset; artists searching desperately for work; and the organiser herself.

Their little band sat in the corner of the room, huddled together in a tight circle. Ueda clung onto his guitar as if his life depended on it, throwing worried glances over towards the other bands, who were doing soundchecks of their own. There was another rock band, similar to their own; a couple of acoustic pairs; and one lone, unaccompanied singer. Koyama joined them soon, happily squeezing himself in next to Ueda and Kamenashi, and giving Ueda another toothy grin.

"Hello again," he said, and Ueda bowed his head slightly. Koyama turned to the rest of the group. "So, you guys are on first, in about fifteen minutes. You're playing four songs, right?" Kato nodded. "Fifteen minutes is all you guys have to show these people what you can do. I know you're great, but they don't. Good luck!" Koyama said, smiling at each and every one of them. "Also, great choice on the name. Whose idea was it?"

"Bambi's," Nishikido said, drawing symbols on the wooden floor with his fingers. Koyama threw him a confused glance.

"He means Ueda," Kato said. "I know - it took me a while to figure it out, too," he added, as Koyama raised his eyebrows at the name.

"Right. Well, it's a cool name. Better than anything we ever though out..."

"Koyama used to be in the band, too," Yamashita said, seeing Ueda's puzzled face. Koyama nodded.

"Used to be - I was pretty bad, though," Koyama said.

"No, you weren't," Koki piped up, but Koyama just waved a hand, and turned to Ueda.

"I didn't really have the time to practice or anything, so everything I ended up doing was halfhearted. It impacted on both me and the band. I'm studying at university at the moment, so I don't really have time for anything extra-curricular like the band. I used to play guitar, like you. So, I hope you've been looking after everyone for me," Koyama added, smiling kindly again. Ueda smiled back.

So that was why everyone kept mentioning the tall, lanky man. He had been a member of the band before him - Ueda himself had replaced him. Ueda had started feeling bad as soon as Koyama had mentioned playing guitar, but that soon disappeared as he saw his sweet smile. Koyama was the kind of person that you were forced into liking - it was impossible _not_ to feel instantly comfortable around him.

Koyama left after a while, having been called over by the organiser. Ueda bent his head at an awkward angle to check Kamenashi's watch - they had seven minutes to go. Kamenashi had seen him crane his neck around from the corner of his eye, and looked at his watch.

"Guys, we should set up."

>>><<<

 

Ueda was shaking as he picked up his guitar. They were standing on the stage, quickly giving their instruments a final check. Jin stood near Kamenashi, reading the lyrics off a sheet of paper. He knew he couldn't forget them now. There was a large, ever-growing audience in front of them.

Ueda's hands were visibly trembling as he attempted to plug his guitar in. A darker hand covered his own, leading the plug to where it was meant to go. He looked up, into Yamashita's eyes.

"Wow, you're really freaking out," he said.

Ueda nodded. "I...I just hope I don't forget something, or freeze up, or--"

"Oh, nonsense. You'll be fine."

"That's what everyone keeps telling me, but--"

"Then maybe you should pay attention to them," Yamashita said, a tender tone in his voice. Ueda nodded again, slowly.

"Maybe."

"Look - to be honest, this isn't the biggest gig in the world. And you'll get other chances. So even if you do stuff up, it'll all work out in the end."

"Thankyou," Ueda mumbled, searching for something else to look at. Yamashita's deep brown eyes, although full of warmth, weren't helping him to stop shaking.

Yamashita smiled at him one last time. "Good luck," he whispered, and moved away, heading to the bar where he perched himself on a stool. He ordered a drink, and watched the band manouvre around each other on the stage.

Yamashita sighed. Being away from Ueda during that week was harder than he had thought. He had missed his soft voice; those wide brown eyes; that awkward shuffle of his feet as he walked. He had spent the entire week mulling over that one emotion inside of him. He had come to the frightening conclusion that perhaps, just perhaps, he was falling for Ueda. Yamashita took a long drink of whatever liquid was placed infront of him.

Yamashita was roused from his thoughts when a female voice filled the room. The organiser, with her high black heels and tortoiseshell glasses, was introducing the band, accent heavy as she pronounced the foreign name.

Jin stepped up to the microphone after she walked off and the crowd clapped politely. He grasped the microphone with both hands, and leant close to it.

"Go, Bambi."

His fingertips felt out the ridges of the metallic strings of the guitar, his senses heightened as the adrenaline rushed throughout his body. His body moved to the beat Koki was making, his eyes only concentrating on the intrument strapped to his body. His hands remembered the chords before his mind did, as he pressed his fingertips onto the right strings.

Time flew by, and soon they had finished all of their songs. Panting, they stood vulnerable in front of the crowd. Sounds were warped and muddled; their ears having not yet tuned into anything but their own instruments.

Slowly, the sound sharpened, and shouts could be heard. The crowd was applauding them, shouting out their support.

Yamashita thought that Ueda had never smiled so brightly before.

>>><<<

 

The adrenaline was still pulsing through their veins as they returned home later that evening. The van was impressively loud; Koki and Jin were singing off-pitch to the crooning woman on the radio, and Nishikido was shouting at them to stop. They paid him no heed.

They had left Yamashita and Koyama at the bar; they had congratulated them numerous times, and Koyama had asked them to become regulars at the bar. It hadn't sunk in yet, but it would, come tomorrow.

It was almost midnight when everyone bid goodbye to each other at Jin's house, and Ueda took it upon himself to set up Koki's drums once again, as he wasn't tired. Jin had wished him goodnight and retired to the house, waking up a sleepy Eri as he did so.

Ueda placed his guitar gently down next to his mattress, and moved to unpack the drumkit. There was a faint smile still on his face as he hummed quietly to himself, undoing the clasps on the cases and pulling the instruments out.

There was a knock on the door. Ueda spun around, slightly scared.

"Bambi, it's only me." Nishikido.

Relieved, Ueda walked over and opened the door. Nishikido stood out there, still in the attire he wore for the gig.

"I left my bag here," he said sheepishly, and Ueda laughed softly, inviting him in.

Nishikido moved around the drumset on the floor, bending down to search for his bag which he had stowed away under an armchair. With a triumphant cry, he drew it out with a large smile on his face. Ueda smiled as he went back to work setting the drums free of their cases.

If he had thought that Nishikido would have gone after he found what he was searching for, he was wrong.

Ueda looked up as he realised he was being watched. Nishikido's eyes were unreadable as they bore into him, and Ueda could feel his heart speed up.

"N-Nishikido? What's wrong?" He asked, fidgeting with the clasp on one of the cases.

"Nothing."

It wasn't nothing, Ueda knew, but he decided to drop it. "We did well tonight, didn't we?"

"Mmm."

Ueda sighed, and stood up from where he was squatting next to the drums. "What's the matter?"

Nishikido moved closer, eyes leaving Ueda's own and flying around the room. "It's just - I don't know. I... uh..." Ueda had never heard the usually quick-minded Nishikido stutter before. He looked uncomfortable, his hands jammed tightly into his pockets.

Ueda took a step towards him. "Are you alright, Nishikido?" he asked, dipping his head to look into Nishikido's eyes.

Suddenly hands were on his shoulders. He found breathing quite difficult as Nishikido took another step closer to him, invading his personal space. The moment was too intimate; it was beyond something that would be considered 'friendship'.

"Tatsuya, I..." Ueda's eyes flew up to meet Nishikido's own. "I...like you."

Ueda's blood ran cold. "What?"

"I like you. Shit, I'm no good at this stuff--" Nishikido broke off his own sentence, and bent his head down. He was so close to Ueda's face that he could feel every stuttering breath of the other. Ueda's heartbeat fastened as he started to panic. Nishikido's deep eyes were looking right through him, as he moved his face even closer.

"I really like you," he murmured, a hairsbreadth away from Ueda's lips.

And then there was no space left between them at all.

 

\--end of chapter 5


	6. Tomorrow's Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ueda Tatsuya was nothing. Nothing, until Yamashita Tomohisa helped him fit in. He found him a band; he found him friends. This is the story of their rise to the top - the music, the troubles faced, the bonds formed.

It had been four days since Nishikido had kissed him, and he was still as confused as ever. Ueda stood in the flower shop, distractedly rearranging the flowers in their pots. What was he meant to do in this kind of situation? He hadn't been plunged into something like this before. He didn't even think he was attracted to members of the opposite gender.

Nishikido had left him feeling both embarrassed and puzzled. He had ducked his head and rushed out of the studio, while Ueda had stood there frozen. What was he supposed to say to Nishikido the next time he saw him?

And wasn't he moving too fast? Spouting out such nonsense when he had only known the other for a few months was ridiculous. How could Nishikido know what he was feeling when they hadn't known each other that long?

Ueda's heart constricted. The word 'feeling' seemed to echo throughout his body. Nishikido had confessed to him. His bandmate; friend; _another man_.

He sighed as the bell over the door signalled a customer. He wasn't in the mood to deal with fussy people right now. However, as he turned around, Kamenashi's warm eyes met his own.

"Hey, Ueda," he said, smiling. Ueda bowed his head back.

"Sorry, I was... thinking," Ueda said, standing up from where he was crouched next to the flowers. Kamenashi shook his head.

"It's fine. Uh... listen, Nishikido came in yesterday and said something very...un-Nishikido-like." Ueda stiffened at the name, eyes leaving Kamenashi's immediately and turning to walk behind the counter.

"Oh, like what?" Ueda asked, trying to appear nonchalant. By Kamenashi's raised eyebrows, however, it looked as though he wasn't succeeding.

"Right. Well. He told me... well, something rather personal. I think he should be the one to---"

"He told me he likes me," Ueda interrupted frankly. Kamenashi's eyes widened.

"What? When?"

"On Friday, after the show. He came back to get his guitar and..." Ueda trailed off, heat rising on his face.

"He confessed?"

"Y... Yeah..."

"What'd you do then?" Kamenashi asked, quickly leaning against the counter with his elbows and looking up at Ueda, completely riveted.

"Nothing...he ran away," Ueda said, searching for his bag.

"Really? Stupid little man... So, what're you gonna do about it?"

"Well... I don't know..."

Kamenashi came around the counter, and drew the insecure Ueda in for a hug. He rested his chin on the top of Ueda's head, and murmured, "It's okay. You know, you can tell me anything, alright? I can be your confidante. What do you say to that?" Ueda nodded, feeling oddly comfortable in Kamenashi's arms. Kamenashi then drew away, and looked into Ueda's eyes. "Now, tell me what happened?"

Ueda did, stuttering and messing up his sentences at times. It scared him, being able to talk to someone about something like this, but in a way, he appreciated it.

"So you don't know what to do?" Ueda shook his head. "Do you like him?"

"I don't know...do I? How do I know if I like someone? What do I do if I don't?"

"You just...know. Haven't you ever had crushes when you were younger?" Ueda shrugged. "You feel strange whenever they're around. Somehow, their touches seem to burn your skin. Their mere presence fills the room, no matter how big or small the room itself is. You're completely and utterly aware of them at all times, and you struggle to keep your eyes off them."

Ueda was quiet. He didn't feel like that toward Nishikido, he was sure of it. The kiss that Nishikido had stolen from him didn't send off any alarms in his head, crying out in high-pitched tones that he should fall for this man. The kiss had felt awkward; to the point where Ueda was slightly disgusted at having another man's lips against his own.

"I don't... I don't think I like him back..." Ueda murmured. "But what do I do now? I can't just te--"

"You have to tell him," Kamenashi said firmly. "There's no way around it. Just do it."

"But, I can't--"

"Yes, you can. You keep saying 'you can't', but look at everything you've accomplished so far," Kamenashi said, tucking a strand of hair behind Ueda's ear.

"Thankyou."

"No problem. Now, get going - it's my turn to sit here and collect dust," Kamenashi joked, moving to sit behind the counter. Ueda smiled slightly, and waved as he left.

 

>>><<<

 

Ueda was still mulling things over the next day, as he handed a small old woman her bunch of pale yellow flowers with a smile. He didn't know what he was going to say to Nishikido, and every time he thought of it, nerves would erupt inside his body.

He knew he would be seeing Nishikido that Saturday, and that fact scared him. He would somehow have to get Nishikido alone...

The bell above the door chimed, and he looked up. He stiffened.

"Hey, Bambi..."

"N-Nishikido..."

So much for seeing Nishikido on Saturday.

Nishikido walked further into the shop, not meeting his eyes. He came up to the counter, and leant against it.

"I...I came to apologise for the other night," he started. Ueda was shocked.

"Wha--"

"I know you don't like me... the way I like you."

"Y-You do? I mean... I'm sorry, but--"

Nishikido shook his head, a sad smile on his face. "Don't be sorry, Bambi. I was a little too hasty. I just...wanted to let you know."

Ueda hesitatingly put a slightly shaking hand over the top of Nishikido's own. He looked down, startled at the contact.

"Thankyou... for telling me," Ueda said, smiling gently.

"I got a little carried away, though...I even kissed you..." Nishikido said, ending with a short, uncomfortble laugh.

"...that part scared me the most," Ueda admitted, and Nishikido chuckled.

"Sorry."

Ueda took his hand away, but Nishikido gently held it again.

"Look...I'm not asking you to fall in love with me. But... I just want you to know that I will wait for you."

"What?"

"I'll wait for you."

To say that Ueda was surprised would be an understatement. But before he could say anything, Nishikido had freed his hand and turned away from him.

"That was all I wanted to say. See you on Saturday?"

"Uh...yeah..."

"Bye, Bambi."

And then he was gone, the sound of the bell above the door ringing long after he had left.

Ueda felt relieved, yet somehow sad at the same time. He was sad because he couldn't return Nishikido's feelings; something which Nishikido had seemed to realise, judging by the look in his deep eyes.

>>><<<

 

That Saturday brought incredibly hot weather. So hot, in fact, that Kato had decided to let them sit inside Jin's house with the promise that Jin and Ueda would sing every so often. Jin had his airconditioning going full-pelt, cooling the house down considerably. He had even let Ueda bring Eri inside, and she was currently lying flat on the tiles of the kitchen, tongue lolling out of her mouth as she panted.

Ueda was nervous once again as Nishikido signalled his arrival by cursing and tripping over Eri. He didn't want things to change. He liked Nishikido; he liked his little nicknames and his different ways of doing things. He didn't want to look at him in a different light.

But as Nishikido came into the lounge room, lay down on the floor with a groan, and started to bap at Ueda's shoelaces, he knew that nothing had changed between them. He smiled, and moved his foot so Nishikido would have a harder time reaching it. Nishikido laughed.

Jin came back into the room with a large container of iced water and glasses, setting them upon the table. He cast a puzzled look at Nishikido, and shrugged, stepping on him to get to the couch and ignoring Nishikido's small yelp.

Kamenashi was the next one to walk in, quickly followed by Yamashita. Kato had disappeared somewhere, to make a phone call.

"Why is there a dog rug in your kitchen, Jin?" Kamenashi asked as he walked into the lounge room. "And why is there a Ryo rug in here?"

Ueda laughed, almost kicking Nishikido in the face as he did so. Yamashita settled himself next to Ueda and Jin, wedging himself in the middle.

"I'm not a rug!" Nishikido protested, grabbing onto Ueda's leg. Kamenashi just sighed and set his bag down, moving to sit on the floor and complaining about the heat.

"I reject this heat," he moaned, fanning himself with his hand.

"Oh, calm down, princess," Kato said as he walked back in, tucking his phone into his jeans. Kamenashi groaned.

"Why the heck are you wearing _jeans_?"

"Because I want to."

"You're insane."

"Hey, Jin," Kato continued, ignoring Kamenashi, "Koki's not coming again. Is everything alright?"

Jin looked up, from where he was busy poking Nishikido with his feet. "Huh? Oh, okay then. It's probably a good thing, right? At least we won't have to make him drum."

"True," Kato said, and poured himself a glass of water, pressing it to his forehead and sighing in contentment.

"Again?" Kamenashi asked. "Does anyone know why?"

"Just ask him, if you're so concerned about it," Jin said, closing his eyes.

"Are you guys gonna do anything today?" Yamashita asked.

"No," Jin answered. "Why are you here, again?"

"I'm your mascot."

"Cheerleader."

"Shut up, rug."

Nishikido then sat up, took his shirt off, crushed it into a ball and threw it at Yamashita's head. Yamashita laughed, grabbing hold of the shirt and tossing it over the couch. "I'm not a rug!"

Jin then burst into song, much to the surprise of Ueda, who almost fell off the couch. Yamashita caught him, however, smiling.

"Don't worry," he said, over the singing, "He does this every so often. You get used to it." Ueda nodded, startled.

"Hey, guys, you've got another show on next Friday night, okay? I've organised everything with Koyama; you're set to appear for the next five or so weeks," Kato piped up from the floor, raising his voice at the end to be heard above Jin.

"Way to go, Shige!" Nishikido exclaimed, now intent on tying Ueda's shoelaces together. Yamashita hit him away.

"Yeah, well, we've gotta start learning more songs, and not just covers," Kato said, writing something down in a little notepad. Jin's singing became steadily louder, and he got up to pat Kato on the head before settling back down again.

"Are we singing the same songs as before?" Ueda asked. Yamashita leant in, to whisper in his ear.

"A little bit louder."

"Ah. Um... A-are we singing the same songs as before?"

"What?"

Ueda sighed, leant over Yamashita, who almost jumped out of his seat, and punched Jin on the arm. He quietened immediately, whining and rubbing his arm.

"Are we singing the same songs as before?....What?"

"Nice work there, Bambi," Nishikido said, smiling widely.

"No! It hurts! Fuck, Ueda, where do you hide those muscles?" Jin complained, still rubbing his arm. Kamenashi laughed, and Jin threw a glare over to him.

"Nishikido, could you please stop picking at my shoes?"

"No, it's fun," was the retort.

"Anyway, going back to Ueda's first question - yes, we are, for now," Kato said, looking at Nishikido who was now fiddling with the sole of Ueda's shoes, plucking off the worn rubber. "You guys are gonna have to learn new material, though."

"Yeah, yeah," Jin said, grimacing. "My arm hurts."

"...sorry." Ueda said, apologetically, "But it was the only way to stop you."

"Why hasn't anyone else thought of that before?" Kamenashi asked, sighing.

"Because now Jin won't stop whining," Nishikido said, now determined on pulling out Ueda's shoelaces. Ueda suddenly brought his legs up, and sat on them. "Oi."

"You're going to ruin my shoes."

"Too late for that," Kato said, sipping his water. "He's pulled most of the sole off."

"Eh?" He really had. "Nishikido!"

"Punch him! Punch him!" Jin exclaimed happily.

"Can I go home now?" Kamenashi asked. "It's too hot here."

"Oh, well, I'm terribly sorry," Jin said sarcastically.

"Ew, your hair is gross," Kamenashi said as he walked past, bag swung over his shoulder. He leant down near Jin, and took a lock of his hair between his fingers, which was again out of it's ponytail. "Why don't you just leave it in a ponytail?"

"B-because I want it out!" Jin spluttered, almost wrenching Kamenashi's hand from his hair.

"Fine, never mind. Bye, guys." And he was gone.

"What the heck was that about?" Nishikido asked, as Jin lifted his hand to check his hair.

"Nothing..."Jin trailed off, fixing his hair again. He quickly reschooled his features into a smile. "My hair is just disgusting."

Ueda was about to say something - Jin had looked slightly scared before - but was stopped by Yamashita's hand on his knee. He looked up in surprise. Large brown eyes met his own, and somewhere deep inside of them, Ueda understood that it was the time to be quiet. He nodded at Yamashita, who smiled.

The room was once again filled with noise; Nishikido had decided to leave Ueda alone and went to annoy Kato. Because, apparently, Kato "made the best noise when you poke him," according to Nishikido.

Ueda, however, couldn't hear any of that. It was strange, and incredibly terrifying, but somehow he managed to pinpoint the fact that it was because Yamashita had not yet removed his hand. He threw a glance at Yamashita himself, but he was busy talking to Jin. He didn't know why Yamashita's hand seemed to burn; the touch itself sent a strange chill up his spine, but the worst part was that it wasn't unwelcomed. Was it wrong that he _liked_ this feeling? It was both comforting and very frightening. He couldn't take it anymore.

Ueda slowly wormed his knee out from underneath Yamashita's hand, under the guise of pouring a drink for himself. Somehow, though, Yamashita's palm seemed to be etched into his skin; he could still feel the warmth his hand had emitted.

He sat back down next to Yamashita, trying subtly not to touch him, for fear of losing his senses again. Yamashita sent him a smile, and he returned it, albeit slightly shakily. Was he ill?

"Oh, by the way, I've gotten you guys a photography session for Tuesday," Kato suddenly said.

"You only tell us this now?" Nishikido barked, trying to find where Yamashita had tossed his shirt.

"Well, I couldn't do it when you were trying to force me to drink, could I?"

"You could have _tried_..."

"Anyway, I'll come and drive you all in the van to the studio at eleven. Just wear what you normally would, okay? And Jin, _try_ to wash that shirt..."

"My shirt is fine!"

"You've got a grass stain there..."

"Oi! Not nice, Ueda!"

"Just make sure Koki knows. I don't think I have his number..."

"Ah, don't worry, he doesn't have a phone at the moment," Jin said, "I'll tell him."

 

>>><<<

 

That was how Ueda found himself on the train the next day, with his bag clutched in between his feet and a piece of paper with Koki's work address in the other. Jin had quickly scribbled something down, and rushed out of the door, claiming that he was late for a family lunch.

Ueda hadn't protested much. He liked the train; he liked to observe people going about their day-to-day activities. There was a small girl in a red dress, who was swinging back and forth against a pole and ignoring her mother's desperate pleas to stop. The man beside him had his phone out, and was scrolling through messages, the strap on the phone clinking against it as the train rocked. A businessman across from them had his laptop out, and a serious expression on his face. Two tourists stood in one corner of the relatively empty train, talking fast and loud.

Ueda got off at the stop Jin had told him to, and followed Jin's directions around the streets. Luckily, the store Koki worked at was quite large and garishly decorated, so it was easy to spot.

The pet store was large and inviting, the smell of animals rich in the air. Small dogs were in small cages, with perspex screens. Ueda tapped at one of the cages, and a little Chihuahua puppy bounded up to him, trying desperately to lick his finger. Dog toys and accessories lined the walls, and birds screeched at him loudly from the other side of the room. There were few cats, each in one big cage together, with a scratching post placed in the middle.

"Welcome," a middle-aged woman said, "Can I help you?"

"Ah... I'm looking for Tanaka Koki?" he said, unsurely. He hoped this was the right store.

"Tanaka? Are you a friend?"

Ueda supposed he was, so he nodded.

"You don't know where he is?"

"No," Ueda said, quite forcefully. He had no patience for people like this; people who wanted to make a drama out of everything.

"Oh. He's in the hospital, dear."

"...what?"

"Look, here's the name of the hospital he's at - it's just a few streets away. Go there yourself, alright?" The woman took a piece of paper from a pad and wrote down where the hospital was. "I don't know what room he's in, but just ask the staff."

Ueda took the paper, only half-registering what was being told to him. Koki was in the hospital?

"Honey... are you alright? Look, don't worry your pretty little head about it, I'm sure he's fine. Just a little cough, okay?"

"O...okay."

"There's a good boy."

Ueda stumbled out of the shop, eyes flickering around everywhere, until they landed on the paper clutched in his hands, and he began walking towards the hospital. The walk soon became a run, and after a few turns, the hospital was in his sight.

The large, white and grey building was quite imposing, but Ueda ignored that, rushing through the automatic doors. He stopped by the front desk, where two bored-looking women sat in their pressed uniforms behind their computers.

"Can we help you?"

"C-can you tell me where Tanaka Koki's room is?" Ueda asked, panting.

One of the women typed the name into her computer, the machine itself whirring away. She looked up, and told him the floor and room number, and he thanked her before heading towards the elevator.

Koki was in the hospital. Why? Was this the reason he kept missing rehersals? What was wrong? He hadn't seemed sick, but there was definately something off.

Ueda made his way to Koki's room, his steps echoing on the laminated floor. His mind was reeling. Did anyone else know?

He finally arrived at the room, and took a deep breath before sliding the door open.

Koki lay on a stark white bed, his head and shoulders propped up. The room was quite empty, other than a bedside table and two chairs - a larger one for Koki and another one for visitors. There was only one bouquet of flowers, set in a vase, and even then they seemed to be withering. Countless tubes and wires hung from his wrist, connecting his body to the machines working around him, beeping away.

"Koki?"

Koki looked up from where he was writing in a small book, startled. "Ueda?"

Ueda, panting, just looked at him from where he stood.

"W-what... H-how...?"

"A lady from your work told me where you were," Ueda explained, daring to step closer to the man in the bed.

"Ah..."

"D...does anyone else know?" Koki shook his head, and the room fell silent. Uncomfortably so.

"Except Jin." Ueda looked up from where he was inspecting the damage Nishikido had done to his shoes. "Jin knows."

That explained why Jin had ignored some of the members' questions about Koki.

"Hey, come here."

Ueda walked forward slowly, to where Koki was putting away his book and pens. He patted the bed, and Ueda perched himself lightly at the foot of it. Koki smiled at him.

"Look, I know this may seem bad, but I'll get through it, alright? I still want to drum..."

"Koki, I--"

"Seriously, I'll be okay. At first, I was a little freaked out. But I've gotten used to everything. I have to come back to the hospital every so often for checkups and treatment and such, but it's not so bad." Koki looked at Ueda's wide, frightened eyes. "Okay, I'm lying, it's terrible," he said, laughing slightly.

"Koki..." Koki lay a hand on Ueda's own.

"I can get through this."

"Koki...what's wrong with you?" Ueda asked with a small voice.

"...I have cancer."

 

\--end of chapter 6


	7. Tomorrow's Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ueda Tatsuya was nothing. Nothing, until Yamashita Tomohisa helped him fit in. He found him a band; he found him friends. This is the story of their rise to the top - the music, the troubles faced, the bonds formed.

  
"...I have cancer."

It just wasn't registering in his brain. What? No. This wasn't happening.

"Ueda? You alright?" A soft hand on his shoulder shook him out of his reverie, and Ueda looked up into Koki's eyes.

"Uh...yeah..."

"Don't worry about it. I'll be okay. Hey, are you crying?"

Ueda lifted his hand to his face, his hand coming away wet. "I suppose I am."

Koki shifted closer to him, draping an arm over his shoulder carefully, so as not to pull out any wires. "Stop that," he said, and wiped his tears away. "These tears don't belong on your face. Alright?"

"O...okay. I'm sorry."

Koki shook his head. "No, don't apologise."

They sat there for a while, listening to the beeping of the machines strapped to Koki. Ueda's mind was buzzing with questions, but it was impossible to choose just one to ask first.

"Don't...don't tell the others, okay? I don't want to worry them any more than I have to," Koki said after a while, moving back to lean against his pillows.

"But--"

"Please, Ueda. I don't want them to know. Only Jin knows."

"I don't under--"

"Please."

"...alright."

"Thankyou."

>>><<<

 

"Why did you send me there if you knew Koki was in hospital?" Ueda asked, as soon as he walked in the door. Jin looked up from cutting a banana into slices.

"How is he?"

"Why did you send me?"

"Because I figured it'd be easier if you knew. I wouldn't have to keep secrets in my own house," Jin said, throwing away the banana peel.

"Shouldn't we tell the others, though?"

"No!" Jin exclaimed, shooting a look at him. "Don't you dare." His tone was threatening. Ueda felt slightly frightened under his gaze. Jin sighed. "Sorry. It's just that... Yamapi's father died from cancer. He's still quite touchy about the subject. Please, Ueda."

Ueda found himself agreeing to Jin's request. It made a small amount of sense to him - the fact that both Koki and Jin would try to protect their friend - but yet... they were still lying to him.

"But...what's going to happen when he loses his hair?"

"Change in hairstyle?"

"Jin - his eyebrows will fall off, too."

"...seriously?" Ueda nodded. "Maybe we just need to somehow bring that into style."

Ueda laughed, as Jin snorted at his own joke.

 

 

>>><<<

On the day of the photoshoot, everyone sat on Jin's porch, lazily waiting for Kato to turn up with the van. Koki had given Ueda a hesitant nod, and Ueda had smiled at him, causing a massive smile to erupt on Koki's face.

They hadn't dressed up for the occasion. Kato had told them that the people at the studio would be dressing them, which was something Ueda was quite scared about. He liked what he wore; he was comfortable in that. Noone else seemed to care.

The shoot was for the magazine opening they had played for - every artist had a section inside, promoting themselves. It was a big step for them.

Kato soon arrived, and they piled into the back, after Koki and Jin had a small scuffle about who was going to sit in the front. Koki won.

It was both exciting and nerve-wracking, as they walked into the buzzing studio an hour later. None of them had seen anything like it before - people were rushing backwards and forwards, carrying props and backgrounds and expensive-looking cameras with extra-long lenses.

"This is freaky..." Jin murmured, as he quickly dodged around a harried-looking woman, her hands full of files and loose papers. Ueda nodded, eyes wide as he observed the studio.

Kato took charge, asking people where their boss was and heading towards her when she walked through another door. She was a woman in her forties; hair dyed a dark brown, with more strands out of the confines of her ponytail than in it. There was a slight shadow beneath her eyes, but her eyes seemed warm as she looked at the band.

"Ah, you're here early," she said, smiling apologetically. "My name is Hyuga Maki. Sorry, we're still setting up. Come through, come through." She led them through to another room, with mirrors and tables lining one wall. There were racks of clothes resting upon the opposite wall, and there was a long couch and a coffee table in the middle of the room. A few women were huddled in one corner, organising their supplies and rushing around the room.

The woman ushered them into the room, seating each one of them infront of a mirror. "Okay, guys, here's the plan for today," she said, clapping her hands together as Kato perched on the back of the couch. "You'll do your hair and makeup, and then put on the clothes on the racks with your name. Then, once you're all ready, someone will come and show you to the right studio, okay?" The band nodded, slightly taken aback at her enthusiasm. She smiled, bowed, and left.

"Ew, makeup," Jin whispered, making the others chuckle before the makeup artists came up behind them and gave them reproachful looks.

It was a new experience for Ueda. His hair was clipped back, before they applied the natural-looking makeup to his face, making it feel heavy and suffocating. They turned his head this way and that, poking and prodding at him before they let him relax. And then they attacked his hair.

Ueda wasn't sure what the others were going through - he hadn't been allowed to turn his head - but judging by the way Nishikido was grunting next to him, he was sure the others were going through the same thing. Kamenashi seemed to be enjoying it, though; the room was filled with his happy chatter as the girl working on him engaged him in conversation. Ueda heard the girl working on Jin exclaim about an earring he had, but he quickly, and loudly, told her to ignore it. She didn't speak to him again.

Koki was the first one done, then Nishikido. Ueda was the third one finished, and he happily leapt off the chair, not bothering to look at the mirror. He hadn't looked at the mirror at all. Kamenashi and Jin followed soon after.

They all looked different, but still the same.

It was some unspoken rule that they had to wait for each other to tackle the clothes department. They found that their clothes were just slightly smarter than what they normally wore, thanks to Kato, who had advised the people in charge.

 

>>><<<

 

They were led into yet another room, once they were dressed. It was spacious, with trolleys full of camera lenses and many people bustling around. One of the makeup artists followed them, and perched herself on the side, waiting to be called on. There were many props lined up near a wall. The background curtain was grey.

The photographer was a greying man with wrinkles etched deep into his brown skin and small eyes. He introduced himself as Saito, and then asked for Nishikido and Koki, whilst telling the others to sit and watch.

Ueda looked on as Nishikido and Koki were told to sit on the floor. The man snapped photos of them left, right and centre as they moved ever so slightly, and soon he was calling on Jin, who high-fived Koki as he walked on.

"Jin gets solo pictures because he's the lead, that's all," Kato said, but no-one really cared.

And then Saito was calling on he and Kamenashi.

He dragged his feet after Kamenashi, watching him like a hawk. He seemed to know what he was doing.

"Alright, you two - firstly, just stand next to each other. Get comfortable; relax. Just look into the camera," the photographer said, a gentle tone to his voice. Kamenashi put a hand on Ueda's shoulder, and he snapped a picture.

They tried a few more positions, before Saito said, "What about you lie down?"

"Both of us?" Ueda asked. Saito nodded, and Kamenashi sat down obediently, tugging on Ueda's pant leg until he followed.

"How do you want us?" Kamenashi asked, once the photographer was in place.

"Hmm... what about we start with you two just next to each other, like that," he said, taking a picture. "Now, Ueda, could you put your head on Kamenashi's chest?"

"What?" Ueda could hear Nishikido protesting from the sidelines, too.

"Your head on Kamenashi's chest. Come on, it's only one shot," he said, and Kamenashi sighed.

"Why not? Come on, Ueda, it'll only be for a few seconds. Chances are, it won't be published anyway," he murmured.

Ueda's eyes darted about as he unwillingly lowered his head onto Kamenashi.

"That's great - now, look up, please."

>>><<<

 

The photoshoot was finished after they had a group shot - a 'v' formation, with Jin at the front. They all piled back into the van, but not before scrubbing at the makeup which was starting to suffocate their skin.

Ueda didn't speak.

>>><<<

 

That Thursday, Kato rushed happily into the shed, brandishing a copy of the magazine in his hands. Ueda looked up, startled, as he slammed the door behind him, practically jumping on an armchair. They had scheduled another practice session, as they needed to rehearse before the show the next night.

"Shige?" Jin asked, as he walked in with a bottle of beer. "Whatcha doin?"

"It's called being happy."

"Yes, but...you never do that," Jin smirked, and wisely ducked away before Kato could throw something at him.

"Jin, be nice to Shige," Kamenashi said, placing down his bag and taking his sunglasses off. "Phew, it's like a sauna in here."

"Yeah - poor Ueda has to sleep in it," Jin said, gesturing to the already perspiring Ueda, who just shrugged.

"I don't mind."

"Well, you should," Yamashita retorted, walking in with Koki under his arm. "Jin, let him sleep inside. He's not a dog."

"No, he's a deer," Koki replied, high-fiving Jin as he walked past and grinning. Kamenashi rolled his eyes.

"Oh, that reminds me, Kato," Yamashita said firmly, and everyone turned to look at him. Even Nishikido, who had just arrived, regarded the taller man with raised eyebrows.

"Since when do you call me 'Kato'?"

"Since you let this happen." Yamashita threw his copy of the magazine onto the floor, just before Kato's feet. "What the heck, Kato?"

"I don't--"

"Here, I'll show you," Yamashita said, flipping through Kato's copy and stopping at a particular page. "Here." Jin was behind him, suddenly, with a hand on his elbow.

"Calm down, Pi," he whispered, so no-one else could hear. "You're being incredibly obvious." Yamashita ignored him.

"Hey, isn't that me and Ueda?" Kamenashi asked, looking over Kato's shoulder. Ueda's ears flinched at the sound of his name, and he walked over to Kato and Kamenashi, looking at the magazine.

It was the one picture he hadn't wanted in the magazine. It was the one picture he hadn't wanted taken. But there he was, with his head resting awkwardly on Kamenashi's chest and the others' arm draped over his shoulders, both looking up into the camera.

Ueda was humiliated.

Kamenashi rested a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off, and stormed outside.

"Bambi!" Nishikido called, but Koki held out a hand, and he stayed put.

"I don't understand, Yamapi - it's just a photo," Kato was saying.

"Well, then, how come no-one else had to pose like that?" Yamashita asked, anger in his voice. "We're selling their music, not their sex appeal."

"The photographer liked that shot. I can't do anything about it - it's printed, now."

Yamashita shook his head. "You could have told him to stop!"

"I knew that guy was perverted," Kamenashi said suddenly. "He just had this...look in his eyes as soon as Ueda lay down. It was gross."

"And what's with Jin being the only one with an interview?"

"Hey, Pi, shouldn't it be the band getting angry at me?" Kato retorted. "They haven't kicked up a fuss."

"Oh, yeah - Bambi rushing out was nothing, was it?" Nishikido spat, grabbing the beer out of Jin's hands.

"I'm sorry, I am - but they only needed Jin's interview. Next time, maybe. Here, Koki, I've got the rest of the photos for you, so you can make more posters," Kato said, sighing.

There was a slam as Yamashita left the room, scouring the yard for Ueda.

"Ueda? Where are you?" he called. He was about to enter Jin's house when he noticed Eri's dog house. "I must be out of my mind," he muttered to himself, but made his way over to the house, which Koki had made for her.

Yamashita crouched down at the entrance, and peered inside. Sure enough, Ueda was curled inside of it, clutched onto Eri. He looked up at him with glassy brown eyes.

"What?"

"There're a few questions that are going through my head right now. The foremost one being - how the heck did you manage to squeeze yourself in here?"

"I'm little."

Yamashita had to shut his eyes tightly, as if to shut away Ueda's innocence. "Okay... can you come out so I can talk to you?"

"No."

"Ueda, you're acting like a five year old."

"I'm staying here."

"Fine." Yamashita settled himself outside of the kennel, cross-legged and resting against the kennel wall. "So what happened with the photoshoot thing?"

Ueda was quiet for a while, but soon he heard a shuffling noise. "I didn't want to do it."

"Do what?"

"The photo. He told us to lie down, which was alright, but then I had to put my head on Kamenashi..." Ueda trailed off.

"You okay?"

"No. I'm so embarrassed."

"And I'm so angry."

"...why?"

"Because they knew that you wouldn't be comfortable with something like that. I'm disappointed in Shige..."

More shuffling. "You shouldn't be mad at him." A muffled thump was heard, and Ueda made a small noise. "He was just doing his job."

"What about the photographer, then? Was that his job? To make you and Kamenashi practically make out on the floor?"

Ueda's head slowly emerged from inside the kennel. "We weren't... doing that..."

Yamashita smiled. "You really are innocent, aren't you?"

"I just...don't like talking about those things. They should be private."

Yamashita's stomach flipped. "Maybe. Hey there."

Ueda gave a small smile. "Hi."

"I'm not that angry anymore."

"I'm not embarrassed anymore. Well...not that embarrassed."

Yamashita felt a wave of emotions hit him. "How is it that you make me feel so calm?"

"Hmm?"

"Nevermind."

>>><<<

 

The band practiced a little that day, but decided to call it quits after a while. The air was still thick with an awkward atmosphere, even though Yamashita had apologised to Kato. Kato had waved it off, and in turn, apologised to Ueda.

Kato had quickly decided to change the setlist, and rearranged things so that they were playing songs they knew by heart. This time, they had a whole hour on-stage, and they were really scraping the bowl for songs they could play easily.

 

>>><<<

 

The next night was the night of their first real performance. Koki had made more posters, these ones made from the offshots of the shoot, and Ueda thought they looked amazing. The posters were similar to the other ones he had made, but their silhouettes were so easy to pick out this time.

They weren't the first ones onstage this time, and Koki was upset at the fact that he would have to drum on someone elses' drumkit. Koyama was as welcoming as he was the first time Ueda had met him - all smiles and bright eyes. He happily helped them with their instruments as they struggled in, and took them back behind the curtain separating them from the stage.

They were all buzzing with excitement and nervousness. Ueda was shaking again, and tried to use his hands as much as possible - Kamenashi, at one point, had to grab his hands from running through his hair for the upteenth time.

"Hey guys, I brought you water," Koyama said, as he reappeared, with three bottles of water. "You'll have to share, though... I thought I had more..."

"Thanks," Jin said, reaching over and grabbing a bottle. Nishikido threw one over to Ueda, who caught it.

"Oh, Pi's here, by the way. He's sitting by the bar," Koyama said as he walked away.

Ueda suddenly felt his anxiousness lessen. It was still there, definately, but he felt like some sort of pressure was lifted from him.

"Hey, guys," Kato said, rushing in. "I just checked the list over, and there aren't enough songs for the whole hour."

"What?"

"Can you guys improvise or something? We just need the last few minutes or so filled."

"How long?" Ueda suddenly asked.

"Uh... five minutes or so? You could probably fit in at least one song..." Kato

"C-can I do something?"

The band, and Kato, all turned to Ueda.

>>><<<

 

The hour was a long one, yet not long enough. They loved it - the lights, the people, the noise, the sweat dripping off their bodies. They remembered each song - some seemed almost engraved into their minds, and it was just a matter of making the right chord.

Yamashita sat on his stool beside the bar, beer in-hand, and watched the band play the music they lived for. He smiled at the crowd, who were loving the sound, and screamed their drunken approval for all to hear.

Their sound was amazing. Jin's deep, husky voice flowed out across the room, accompanied by Ueda's softer, sweeter one. The bass line seemed to reveberate through their bones, creating a strange feeling throughout their bodies. Both Ueda's rhythm guitar and Nishikido's lead guitar went right through them, shaking their bones.

What Yamashita hadn't expected, was for the lights to dim on the other members of the band, leaving Ueda alone onstage. He sat up, as Ueda swept the floor with his eyes, searching for him, and lighting up when he found him. He set his guitar down, accepting the accoustic one handed to him by Koyama. Kato helped him to set up a microphone near to the guitar. He stepped up to Jin's microphone.

"Yamashita..." was all he said, but it was all that was needed to be said, as he started plucking at the unfamiliar guitar with those slender fingers.

That tune filled his ears. Yamashita knew those notes. He smiled. It was the same song Ueda used to play, seated against the wall with his guitar set upon his knees and the harsh wind blowing at him. Yamashita smiled widely as the crowd screamed at him in excitement.

Ueda looked as peaceful as he did when he was playing the same song outside. Even though he was surrounded by so many people; even though the room was stuffy and hot and sweat was plastering his hair to his head; even though there was a great big spotlight focusing everyone's attention on him, he managed to look the same.

And Yamashita loved it.

>>><<<

 

The band stayed at Koyama's bar afterwards, adrenaline still pumping through their veins as they threw back drink after drink. Ueda looked awkward as Koki kept passing him drinks, but he declined them politely.

"Oh, come on, Bambi," Nishikido said, throwing himself next to him and sticking a drink under Ueda's nose. "Koki's not drinking, either - you guys are so boring!"

Jin was already drunk, and was now eyeing Kamenashi with a predatory look in his eyes. Koki had a firm grip on Jin's elbow, and did not let him out of his sight for the rest of the night.

When Nishikido collapsed against him, laughing creepily, Ueda jumped and looked at Yamashita for help. Yamashita let out a short laugh and pulled him off, patting him on the shoulder before sitting next to Ueda and moving Nishikido away.

"He's a giggly drunk," was Yamashita's explanation, patting Nishikido on the shoulder as he fell sideways onto the table, still laughing. Kamenashi rolled his eyes. "Oh, you're not drinking?"

"Fine!" Ueda snapped, taking Yamashita aback, and grabbed Jin's drink from him, downing it. "Happy?"

"Uh..."

"Aw...my drink's gone..."

"Stop laughing, it's creeping me out."

"Why'd you do that?" Yamashita asked, slapping Jin's hand as it creeped over to stroke his hair.

"Everyone's been annoying me all night to have a drink, and I've had enough of it," Ueda replied.

"Way to give in to peer pressure."

"I'm good like that." Koki passed Ueda another drink, and he sighed before drinking some.

"You sure you'll be alright drinking at that rate?"

"Nope - I get drunk real easy."

"Yeah...I can see that. This Ueda is going to be interesting," Yamashita said, smiling.

 

>>><<<

 

"I don't like this music!" Ueda complained three hours later, sitting in Yamashita's car.

"How can you not?" Yamashita asked. "Stay in your seat!"

Ueda wiggled in his seat. "It's uncomfortable. I'm changing the music."

"You little bugger," Yamashita murmured, but there was a smile on his face.

Ueda fiddled clumsily with the dials on the radio, complaining when he couldn't find a good station to listen to.

"Ah! Joan Jett!" Ueda exclaimed, a large smile on his face as the woman in question began singing in that deep, raw voice of hers.

"Haven't you had enough loud music for today?"

"No! Joan Jett isn't just loud music! She's awesome music!"

"Yeah... maybe you shouldn't have had that last drink."

"Hey, Jin! Jin! Jin!"

"Hmph?" Jin popped up from the backseat. "What?"

"Don't you think this is awesome?"

"What? Feeling like I'm about to puke?"

"No! Well, I hope not. The music!"

"Is she hot?"

"...dunno."

"Then I don't care right now."

"Aw..."

"Guys, we're home," Yamashita said, driving into Jin's driveway. "Jin, out."

"What about me? What about me?" Ueda asked, practically bouncing in his seat.

"I don't trust you with Mr. Horny over here. You're coming back to mine," Yamashita answered. "Stay in here while I get Jin settled inside, okay?"

When Ueda nodded enthusiastically, he rushed inside with Jin's wrist securely in his grip.

"Crap, I gotta puke," Jin exclaimed, and ran to the bathroom.

"Have fun!" Yamashita called, before locking the front door behind him. He knew Jin probably wouldn't come out of the bathroom for a while.

"Hi!" Ueda almost shouted as Yamashita started the car again.

"Hello," Yamashita chuckled, focusing on the road.

"I haven't been to your place before."

"No, you haven't." It was like talking to a child.

The car was silent for a while, and Yamashita looked over to the passenger seat to see what had happened to the other. He sat curled up in a ball, his head resting on the window as his fingers traced patterns on the glass.

"Ueda? You okay?"

"There's no more Joan Jett..." Ueda answered in a voice full of sleep.

Yamashita laughed quietly. "No, there isn't."

"I like Joan Jett."

"I've gathered that."

"Nishikido likes me."

"What?" Yamashita's heart thudded against his ribcage.

"Nishikido likes me. He told me. But I don't like him... like that, anyway..."

"Ryo? Ryo likes you?"

"Yes... he kissed me and everything..."

"He what?!" Nishikido was so dead. Yamashita's eyesight was clouded over with a strange sort of colour - jealousy?

"I'm tired, Yamapi. Stop making me repeat myself."

"You called me Yamapi."

"I'm tired and drunk. 'Yamashita' is too hard to say."

Yamashita decided to ignore the twisting, jealous feeling in his stomach as he spared a look over at Ueda's prone form. His eyes were slowly closing - he was losing his battle to stay awake. He was angry at Nishikido - but for what? Expressing his feelings? Wanting what Yamashita himself wanted? What was wrong with that?

The only thought that he was left with, in the end, was the fact that he did indeed want Ueda to himself. He wanted those eyes to see only him; he wanted him to look at him with need, with lust, with love.

When did his feelings become so strong?

His own emotions turned against him as he stopped out the front of his apartment building. Yamashita rushed over to Ueda's side of the car, carefully opening it so that the other wouldn't fall out of the car.

"...are we back?"

"Yeah. Don't worry, just go back to sleep. I'll carry you."

"Mmkay."

Yamashita attempted to piggy back the other, but his position in the car wasn't allowing it. He sighed in defeat as he hooked an arm under Ueda's knees and lift him up, using his other arm to worm around his shoulders and draw him close. Ueda mumbled, and buried his head into Yamashita's chest, sighing in contentment.

"Smells nice."

Yamashita chuckled as he managed to close the door with his foot and walked into the building. Luckily, his apartment building had elevators, unlike Ueda's old one, and so he only had to endure a few awkward minutes with a businessman stuck in the same one.

Yamashita managed to unlock his door somehow, and fumbled around for the lightswitch before moving to place Ueda onto his bed. He smiled as Ueda made a noise of contentment and curled up into a ball again. Yamashita placed the blankets around him, and left the room.

He sat on the couch for a while, staring at the blank television screen.

Yamashita Tomohisa was in love with Ueda Tatsuya.

Truly in love.

Well, fuck.  
 

\--end of chapter 7


	8. Tomorrow's Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ueda Tatsuya was nothing. Nothing, until Yamashita Tomohisa helped him fit in. He found him a band; he found him friends. This is the story of their rise to the top - the music, the troubles faced, the bonds formed.

Yamashita was sitting on his couch, coffee in-hand and watching cartoons the next morning, when Ueda stumbled into his living room.

"Good morning. How're you feeling?" Yamashita asked, stomach flipping. Mentally telling it to stop didn't work.

"Bleh," was his sleepy reply. He scrunched his nose up, and with one hand in his hair, asked, "Why am I wearing your jumper?" Ueda gestured to the large school jumper he wore, making it fall off one shoulder. His hands were barely visible under the too-long sleeves.

"Ah, sorry - you puked all over your shirt at midnight or so. I had to change it. I hope it's okay...?"

"Mm. It's fine..." Ueda mumbled, scratching his eyebrow.

"You hungry?"

"Yeah..."

"Good, I made breakfast. How's the hangover?" Yamashita asked as they moved into the kitchen.

"Okay... It's better after I throw up, and since I did that..."

"Right. No more talking about that."

Ueda laughed as he sat at the kitchen table, accepting a piece of toast. "Right."

It was a comfortable silence, in which Ueda would stare at his toast and Yamashita would stare at Ueda's lowered eyelids. Until Yamashita spoke up.

"So, Ryo kissed you, huh?"

Ueda's head flew up, and he almost choked on the piece of bread he was chewing. "What?"

"You told me last night."

"...sorry."

"What're you apologising for?" Yamashita chuckled, although his mind was brimming with angry, jealous replies. "You're a strange one."

"Did I do anything else weird?"

"You proclaimed your love for Joan Jett and called me Yamapi."

>>><<<

 

The band had to re-schedule their weekly rehearsal day, as Saturday was now impossible. Jin wasn't getting out of bed for anything the day after the show. Weeks passed, with the band performing for an hour every Friday night at Koyama's little bar.

It was only a matter of time before Koki came to practice with Jin's purple beanie jammed firmly on his head.

"Koki - it's the middle of summer, dude. What the hell," was Nishikido's response as the other settled behind his drums.

"It's nothing, Ryo," Koki answered, and threw Ueda a look. Ueda ducked his head, pretending to focus on the strings of his guitar, and _not_ the lack of eyebrows on his friend.

"You're going to _boil_ , Koki."

"I told you, Koki," Jin said, moving to set his coffee mug down.

"Fine, just...tell them then!" Koki practically roared, sending his drumsticks flying.

"Hey! Don't yell at me! It's not my problem!" Jin answered, slightly calmer.

"You're right! Don't tell me what I should do or not!"

"I could have told them a long time ago!"

"Hey!"

Jin and Koki whipped around, to see an unusually angry Ueda standing there, with the drumsticks in one hand. A furious aura was practically dripping off of him. Nishikido and Kamenashi's eyes were flitting back and forth, not understanding what was happening.

"You should have just been honest from the beginning!" Ueda yelled, pointing the drumsticks at Koki, before turning to Jin, who shrunk back. "And _you_ don't need to joke about these things!"

"...sorry..."

Ueda passed Koki back his sticks, as Jin tried to escape his glare.

"Guys... I have something to say..." Koki said, stuttering around his words.

"Yeah, we kinda figure---"

"Nishikido! Not now!" Ueda shouted. Nishikido jumped.

"I've got cancer. The beanie is for the whole 'lack of hair' thing - chemotherapy," Koki said, eyes on the floor. Nishikido's eyebrows shot up, and Kamenashi had a look of disbelief on his face.

"...seriously?"

"Yeah..."

"For how long?"

"A while now."

"And how come we weren't allowed to know?"

"Nishi--"

"Not right now, Bambi. So?"

Koki fiddled with the sticks still in his hands. "I didn't want to worry anyone."

"Stupid idiot."

"What about Pi?"

"Don't tell him. Please, Kame. Please."

"He'll only be angrier if you leave things as they are," Kamenashi said, as level-headed as always.

"Lets just...practice now, okay?" Jin said, back turned towards everyone. "Pi said that he'd come by later this afternoon - had something come up at work. But where's Shige?"

"No idea. Kamenashi Kazuya, stop with that look." Koki turned to Kamenashi, who had a mix between a disapproving and worried look on his face. He smiled slightly as Koki addressed him.

There was an awkward silence, then. No-one knew what to say; what to do. They just stood there, looking about. Koki seemed quite self-conscious, touching the beanie constantly and adjusting it over his bald head. Kamenashi seemed to be thinking deeply, and Nishikido kept shuffling from one foot to the other, looking bored but awkward at the same time. Jin still had his back turned. Ueda himself glanced from one person to the other.

"...Bambi's scary when he yells. Someone tell Bambi never to do that again." With that sentence, tastefully spoken by Nishikido, the atmosphere relaxed greatly, and smiles spread across everyone's faces.

>>><<<

 

The next Friday, as usual, Kato picked them up in the van, and with excitement and nervousness in the air, they travelled to the venue. It wasn't until they heard Jin's squawk did they realise that something was off.

"Where are we going?"

"Hm... you see, that would be telling, wouldn't it?" Kato chuckled.

"...Yes. So please do," came Jin's response from the front passenger seat. The rest of the bands' ears pricked up.

"Let's just say we're not going to see Koyama tonight," Kato said, and smiled, seemingly to himself. Jin's eyebrows furrowed, and he turned to look at the similarly confused band behind him.

"Eh?"

"Oh, you blithering idiots."

>>><<<

 

"Woah."

Ueda nodded as he looked up at the building in front of him. Koki nudged his side, and smiled at him. "Where are we, Kato?"

"Everyone, this is where you'll be playing tonight."

"What?"

"It's more of a...high-class bar than the one you've been playing in---"

"Koyama's bar is perfect!"

"Calm down, Koki," Kato said. "Keep your hat on." He chuckled at Koki's mock-glare, and flicked the absurdly large pom-pom balanced on the top of his beanie. "Anyway - there's going to be a completely different audience here. They may not like your sound. They may not like _you._ "

"What's not to like about us? We're adorable," said Jin, throwing his best wounded-puppy look at Kato.

"You really aren't. They might not like your perceived attitude, Jin. Koki's weird-ass face when he drums. Ryo's guitar. Ueda's quietness. Kamenashi's hair. I don't know - things like that."

"My hair is fine!"

"So is my guitar!"

"...leave my face alone..."

"Are we ready?" Kato asked, ignoring the grumbling band. Ueda was looking about, trying to see if Yamashita had arrived, or if he was coming at all. He was certainly not ready.

"Let's go, then."

>>><<<

 

Inside was a rather large bar. Compared to Koyama's, it was well-furnished, with different-coloured lights bouncing off various reflective surfaces. The owner was a well-dressed, short man, who led them to where they could set up. They were playing last that night, so Kato had to tell the bartender to not allow them any more than two drinks each before they stepped onstage. Ueda wasn't allowed to drink at all, which he was grateful for. There was already a band playing.

The bar was impressive, but Ueda certainly liked Koyama's better. Koyama's little bar had a nice feel to it - it was worn and torn and rusty but it was loved. This bar seemed sterile. Everything was either white or black, and made from plastic.

"Meiko?"

Ueda glanced to his side, where Kamenashi was sitting. He was looking at the dancefloor, searching for the one he called 'Meiko'.

"Who?"

"Ah...nevermind..." Kamenashi muttered, and sank back into his seat, throwing a quick look over to Jin, who was laughing with Koki. "Nothing."

It didn't look like 'nothing', but Ueda let it go, enjoying the band who was playing some form of electronical music that he really could not get his head around. After a while, however, Kamenashi sat back up, and followed a woman with his eyes as she was led off the dancefloor by a friend.

"I'll be back, Ueda, okay?" Ueda nodded, and watched Kamenashi walk off. That girl seemed familiar.

Ueda's head snapped up as he realised where he had seen her before, and shot a look at Jin. He was happily singing along to the song playing, smiling as Nishikido hit him. He hadn't noticed yet.

So her name was Meiko.

 

>>><<<

 

When it was their turn, three hours later, they stepped onstage and surveyed the crowd. Ueda looked about, and finally found the pair of eyes that he had been searching for throughout the night. Yamashita sat at the bar, with his usual drink in his hand, and he raised it as Ueda's eyes met his. Ueda bowed his head.

"Hello," Jin began, skimming over the crowd. Only about half were paying attention. "We're _Le Ciel_. I'm Jin. Kame. Ryo. Koki... Bambi."

Ueda saw Yamashita laugh, and could hear Nishikido's smug chuckle on the other side of the stage. He glared at Jin as he turned, but he just smiled.

"And here's our first song..."

They played for the better part of an hour. Kamenashi was definately not playing at his best, and Jin kept throwing him looks out of the corner of his eye. Ueda only focused on playing the notes he knew, letting his fingers find the right chords and strum them into existence. He could feel Yamashita's eyes on him, and as he raised his head to sing into the microphone, he met his eyes, smiling.

It was fine. Until Jin suddenly stopped singing.

The rest of the band kept playing, waiting for their leader to continue. Ueda watched his face. It had dropped as he saw something, and his eyes widened, but now he was glaring. Kamenashi looked slightly fearful.

The chorus rolled around and Jin still wasn't singing, just sort of glaring into the crowd. Ueda panicked; he didn't want to do the chorus by himself, he wasn't ready, this was impossible. Then there was suddenly another, harsher voice singing up without a microphone, and without looking to see who it was, Ueda stepped up to the microphone and began singing out the chorus.

Jin snapped out of his strange trance after hearing the other, foreign voice alongside Ueda's, and quickly moved to sing the next verse. Ueda looked over at the bar, and saw Yamashita with his eyebrows furrowed and Kato slumped against the bar next to him. Ueda just shrugged when their eyes met, and Yamashita pursed his lips.

The rest of the performance went well, and the audience still applauded politely, with scattered screams among the claps. They thanked the crowd, and left the stage, Jin's head still bowed.

Kato was the first one to rush up to them and whack him over the head. "What the heck was that?!"

"Sorry."

"That's all you can say? 'Sorry'?"  
"Yes."

"You're impossible, Akanishi!" Kato groaned. "Thanks Nishikido, for backing Ueda up, there."

Nishikido nodded. "It's fine. I could tell he was about to choke, too."

"It was you?" Ueda asked, shocked. Nishikido nodded again. "Thankyou."

"I used to back up Jin before you came along. I'm used to it. Really, it's fine." Nishikido muttered, focusing on his shoes as the band walked out of the bar after thanking the owner.

Yamashita battled his way out of the bar, finding the little group near their van, passing Koki's drumset into the back of it.

"Hey, guys - Jin, what's up?" he said.

"Nothing. I'm fine. Kamenashi, I need to talk to you," Jin answered frostily, grabbing Kamenashi and dragging him over to the other side of the carpark.

"Well, that was odd..." Nishikido huffed, taking Ueda's guitar from him and placing it into the back of the van.

"Nah, that's just Jin when it comes to Kame. Something must have happened..." Yamashita said, worry evident in his eyes. "He won't tell us, though, the bastard."

Ueda's mind was working overtime, putting all of the pieces together.

He was interrupted, though, by Koki grabbing gently onto his forearm and tugging lightly, signalling that it was time to go home. Kamenashi was back, already seated in the van with an unreadable look on his face. Jin was in the front seat again, head bent.

"Hey, Akanishi. Shouldn't the cancer patient get the front seat?" Kato joked, trying to lift the strangely heavy atmosphere.

"Shut the fuck up, Kato."

It didn't help. Not one bit.

>>><<<

 

Yamashita walked along the street in his suit, dragging his feet behind him. It was Wednesday, and his day had been worse than bad. His mind kept drifting - he knew what to, but he wasn't admitting to it - and as such, had made a complete fool of himself.

And he still didn't know what was wrong with Jin. Something had happened the other night; there was a strange look in Jin's eyes as he looked into the crowd.

Yamashita ambled down the street, lost in his thoughts once again. He almost walked past the little flower shop before realising it was there, and he backtracked slightly to look at it. It was Kamenashi's. He smiled, and opened the door.

"Yamapi?" Kamenashi was behind the counter, in the middle of tying a yellow ribbon around a bunch of white roses. "What're you doing here?"

"Hey, Kame. I'm looking for flowers. And good company. Moreso the company part," Yamashita said. Kamenashi smiled. "You free anytime soon?"

"Not at all," Kamenashi shook his head. "Sorry. You can sit down there and talk though." He pointed to a stool behind him. Yamashita wheeled it around to the side of the counter and perched himself on it. "So, what'd you want to talk about?"

"What's wrong with Jin?"

"Nothing." Kamenashi's answer was too quick for it to be 'nothing.'

"Right. So what was he glaring so angrily at the other night?" Yamashita asked, looking for any kind of expression on Kamenashi's face. He was an expert at hiding his emotions sometimes. "Or should I ask _who_?" Kamenashi's eyes darkened. "Aha!"

"Oh, shut up. My parents are back there, you know."

"I know. Stop using them as an excuse."

"...It was Meiko."

"Who?"

"My...girlfriend," Kamenashi answered with a strange look on his face.

"...ah. Yeah, that'd do it," Yamashita said, chuckling. "When did you get a girlfriend?"

"Look, I really can't talk about that--"  
"Kame."

Kamenashi sighed. "I'll come over and cook you dinner, okay? Then we can talk. I...have something I need to tell you, too."

"Fine."

>>><<<

 

Kamenashi did indeed bring over bags full of vegetables and various other ingredients for dinner. Yamashita gladly welcomed the other in, and watched as he rushed about the kitchen, stirring pots here and slicing vegetables there.

A while later, Kamenashi served up pasta, with it's thick, white sauce draped over the top of it.

"White sauce?"

"I don't like tomatoes."

"Oh, yeah."

"So - you wanted to know about Meiko?"

"The girlfriend? Yeah."

"Well...you know all about me and Jin. There's no need to dive into that story again. After all of that happened, my parents decided to try and fit me in better - move me away, get me different friends," Kamenashi said, stirring his pasta to make it cool down.

"When we moved back, it was like nothing had changed. I still loved him. I still _do._ You can't just think that taking someone forcibly away will change the way they feel about the other person. It's almost impossible.

"They realised at the start of the year that I was hanging around with him again. They couldn't ship me off somewhere - I'm not a teenager anymore - but they did the next best thing. One of their friends' had a daughter, and they practically threw her at me. They were basically saying, 'Here, take this one; she'll do.'" Kamenashi laughed. "

"So Jin didn't know of this?"

"Not at all. Until a few weeks ago. When he and Ueda were eating out, they saw us together...Jin didn't cope well, after I told him."

"What'd he say?"  
"Oh, he yelled a bit. But then I walked in on he and Ueda ab--- nothing." Kamenashi focused on his pasta.

"...Walked in on them doing what, Kame?" Yamashita asked in a steely voice, sitting further forward in his seat. "Kamenashi!"

"I...uh...ask Ueda?"

"That's not going to work right now."

"What's it to you, anyway?" Kamenashi suddenly asked, a suspicious look on his face.

"He's my friend - they both are. Of co--- _did you know that Ryo kissed Ueda?!_ "

Kamenashi leant forward with a dangerous glint in his eyes, gesturing for Yamashita to come closer. "Did you know that you're in love with Ueda?" he whispered conspiratorally. Yamashita jumped.

"What?"

"Calm down, calm down... Are you?" Kamenashi asked, sitting back and observing the other.

Yamashita ran a hand through his hair. "What, calm?"

Kamenashi rolled his eyes. "In love. With Ueda."

"Of--of course not. I'm--"

"--in denial? Seriously, I'm surprised no-one else has noticed. All those little glances you give him; you only watch him when we're on-stage, you know." Kamenashi smirked, before artfully twisting the pasta around his fork and taking a mouthful.

"I'm not-- oh, shut up." Kamenashi smiled. "But what about Jin and Ueda?"

"It's nothing, really. I--you know how Jin is. Wanting comfort from the neares--"

"Eh?"

"Oh my God, if you don't stop interrupting me, I'm taking your dinner away from you," Kamenashi threatened. Yamashita ate faster. "Anyway, I walked in on Jin trying to kiss Ueda. Nothing happened, though. And yes," he quickly added, seeing Yamashita open his mouth to say something, "I knew Ryo kissed him."

"Why does no-one tell me anything?"

"Oh...yeah. About that..."

"Eh?"

Kamenashi's tone turned deadly serious, and the whole atmosphere of the room changed. "There's something happening right now that I'm not actually meant to tell you because they told me not to but I think I really should and I think Koki will kill me and Ueda's quite scary when he y--"

"Kame, slow down. I caught none of that."

Kamenashi took a deep breath, and launched into Koki's story - as much as he knew, anyway. Once he finished, he looked up at Yamashita, whose face was pale. "...Pi?"

"Why the fuck didn't he tell me?"

"He didn't want to worry you. You know, with what happened with your father and all."

"My father? He has nothing to do with this! This isn't him - this is Koki!" Yamashita yelled. He couldn't believe that they had kept it a secret from him.

"I know, Pi, I know - and I'm sorry. I just - I thought it'd be better if you knew." Kamenashi rested a hand on Yamashita's arm. "Calm down. Think it over. Don't be angry at him - hell, he's dealt with so much by himself already."

Yamashita sighed. "How bad is he?"

"I'm not quite sure. He's not going into details. But he _has_ just lost his hair," Kamenashi explained, pouring himself and Yamashita some wine.

"Wow...that explains that absurd beanie the other night, then?"

Kamenashi chuckled. "Yep. Be thankful there's a reason for it. Jin just wore it because he liked it."

 

>>><<<

 

Yamashita never told Koki that he knew of his illness.

They were back at Koyama's bar. They played first yet again, and suddenly Yamashita found it difficult to elbow his way to the bar stools. People were crowding in, filling up spaces and leaving Yamashita wondering if the rickety old wooden floorboards were going to hold under the weight. Kato just smiled at him.

"It's alright. I'm sure Koyama knew what he was doing when he built this place up so high," he said, turning back to his drink. Yamashita smiled.

Then the band was coming on-stage and there were cheers and screams and flailing arms. Yamashita looked up into the eyes of a very surprised _Le Ciel_.

"They're screaming for all of you," he mouthed, as he caught Ueda's eyes. He just smiled, and focused on his guitar. Yamashita was certain he had no idea what he had said to him.

Kato laughed. "I knew it was a good idea to book them that show the other night," he said, above the sounds of Koki counting them in. "How long has Ueda been with the group now?"

"About four months or so."

"Really?"

"Yeah - shut up, they're playing."

Their performance was fantastic. Kato said that it was because he had told them to play perfectly, but they knew better. Yamashita joined them all backstage, as they prepared for the trip back already - Koki was tired.

Kato had a suspiciously wide grin as he stepped up to help them load the instruments back into the van. "Hey, guys," he practically sung, causing them all to stop. "I have something to tell you."

"What?"

"Meet Nakamaru Yuichi. He's your music producer."

"Hello." A tall, black-haired man came out from somewhere behind Kato, smiling gently.

"Hello," Jin said. "What music produc--- what?"

Kato sighed, and turned to Nakamaru. "I'm sorry, it takes him a while to figure things out."

"Shige!"

"I love your sound," the man said, looking at each and every one of them. "And I love your look. You're all so different. You each tell a story just in the way you _walk_.

"I want to sign you to my label."

 

\--end of chapter 8


	9. Tomorrow's Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ueda Tatsuya was nothing. Nothing, until Yamashita Tomohisa helped him fit in. He found him a band; he found him friends. This is the story of their rise to the top - the music, the troubles faced, the bonds formed.

"I want to sign you to my label."

Ueda's mind was buzzing. He could barely even register everyone's reactions - he was too busy trying to keep his own emotions inside. Signed? They were going to be signed? They hadn't even recorded a demo tape, or had any other amateur CD's made. And where did this Nakamaru even come from? Jin was feverishly shaking the man's hand, thanking him, with an amused Kato watching on from the side.

"Wow. Didn't see that one coming," Yamashita said, smiling, before elbowing Ueda.

"Yeah...wow."

"Well, that screws up my plans for tonight..." Yamashita said to himself. He had planned on cornering Nishikido about the Ueda issue, but he couldn't bring himself to ruin their moment.

Yamashita watched as Ueda, who had been standing next to him rocking backwards and forwards on the balls of his feet, suddenly clambered up into the back of the van. Yamashita smiled, and turned to Nishikido.

"Koki? Are you okay in here?" Ueda asked. Koki sat inside the van, half-asleep.

"Yeah, little guy, I'm doing fine. What's going on out there?"

"I think...I think we just got signed."

Koki's eyes flew open. "What?"

Ueda nodded. "Kato just introduced us to someone called Nakamaru. He said that he was a music producer, and liked us."

"Ueda, come here," Koki said, arms wide with one of his amazing, wrinkled smiles upon his face. Ueda hesitated, before walking forwards and awkwardly entering his embrace. Koki smiled against his shoulder. "Maybe you're our good luck charm?"

Ueda laughed. "I doubt that."

Koki let him go, still chuckling. "You never know. Wow... Really? Signed?"

"Yeah..."

>>><<<

 

The band were still in a daze about the producer, and what he offered them - even two days later. It was Sunday, and the band had once again met in Jin's shed, thankful that the weather had tuned down.

Yamashita was one of the last to arrive. He walked in, grabbed Nishikido's arm, and dragged him into Jin's house.

"What the fuck, Pi?" Nishikido demanded, as he was practically thrown into Jin's kitchen.

"Did you, or did you not kiss one Ueda Tatsuya?" Yamashita asked forcefully.

Nishikido's eyebrows shot up. "What?"

"Answer me."

"Why are you so worked up? Fine, fine - yes, I did," Nishikido answered.

"Why?"

"Why?!" Nishikido asked. "Why else would I kiss someone?!"

"I--I don't know - you tell me!"

"I'd rather not, thanks."

"Why?"

"Because it's fucking embarrassing, that's why! Jesus, Pi, leave it alone, please!" Nishikido yelled, before storming back out to the shed. Yamashita ran after him, stopping him before he opened the shed door.

"Look, I'm sorry, Ryo."

"It's... alright."

The two walked in together, pausing as they realised that Nakamaru was there, too.

"Nakamaru is going to sit here and listen to you play some more. Give it your all, guys," Kato explained, as Nishikido moved to grab his guitar.

"But you heard us play the other night," Jin said, sitting on the floor.

"Yes, but I'd like to hear the rest of your songs," Nakamaru said.

"Oh...okay..."

With that note, they took up their instruments, under the watchful eye of Nakamaru. Kato barked orders left, right and centre, telling them to sing higher; move more; _Akanishi, remember the goddamn words_.

Nakamaru clapped his hands once, and they stopped playing. "Was it okay?" Jin asked.

"Very. I like that song - I heard it the other night at the bar. Got any other ones that you wrote yourselves?" Nakamaru asked, moving to sit on one of the armchairs that Kato wasn't already in.

"We've only got a few," Koki said. "We haven't really sat down and written anything new together." Nakamaru nodded.

"Well, we're gonna have to change that," he said. "But later. For now, play the rest of your songs."

 

>>><<<

 

Nakamaru bundled them all together and drove them to his recording studio a week later. Situated in the city, it was a large, tall building, with many windows and many floors with many people rushing in and out of it. There were billboards and signs everywhere in the large city, promoting fashion and singers and women in swimwear which made Ueda look away, but Jin look closer. Kamenashi huffed in annoyance.

The city was bustling with people - Ueda wasn't sure that he had seen that many people in one place before. Yamashita, who was there as their mascot, as Jin had put it, had to hold onto the back of Ueda's shirt so he wouldn't fall out of the car window as he looked around in awe. He chuckled at the look of sheer astonishment on Ueda's face. The place Ueda used to play at was nothing compared to this.

They followed Nakamaru as he exited the car, and into a very lavishly decorated elevator at the end of the carpark. He walked briskly and importantly, unlike Ueda's own pace; he himself walked as if he wanted the ground to swallow him. Nakamaru had an air of importancy about him - every person they ran into around the corridors bowed their heads as he went past.

He led them into a room, where they were seated on a plush red couch. There was a bored-looking man sitting behind a table with many knobs and buttons on it, wearing large earphones, a sandwich in his hands and sunglasses perched on his nose. A large glass window was infront of him, allowing them to see into the actual recording booth.

The man was introduced as 'Junno', and he spared them a wave before focusing on his sandwich again. Kamenashi threw Ueda a look, which he returned. Nakamaru walked forward, hitting the man over the head.

"Hey!" The man said, before taking his earphones off.

"Be polite!"

"I'm Junno."

"That's not a proper introduction!"

"I-It's fine, really," Kamenashi said, stepping forward.

And that was how they met Taguchi Junnosuke.

>>><<<

 

They went back the next day, to actually record the song. The day before had been to get them used to the room; get them comfortable. They almost got lost in the large building, because Nakamaru wasn't with them, but Kamenashi led them in the right direction.

Ueda felt so obvious, walking around an expensive-looking building with his battered guitar case slung around his shoulders. They looked completely out of place, amongst people with their pressed suits and shiny black shoes. Yamashita put a hand on his elbow, to reassure him, but somehow, it made him feel more nervous, having this extra warmth heat up his skin. He still wasn't sure what made him feel like this, but he knew that it wasn't the same when Nishikido or Jin touched him at all.

His thoughts were interrupted when they found Nakamaru, who smiled at them and helped lead them to the studio they had booked. Junno was there again, this time sans his sandwich. He smiled widely at them as they walked in.

"Hey, sorry about the other day; I was half-asleep," he explained, gesturing for them to sit down. "So, who's who?"

"Akanishi Jin," Jin said, standing up to shake his hand. "I'm the lead singer." Junno nodded. "Kamenashi Kazuya, Tanaka Koki, Nishikido Ryo - he's angry all the time, don't take it to heart - and Ueda Tatsuya. Oh, and this is Yamapi, but he's not all that important."

"Hey!"

"Why are you even here?"

"So, for today, we're gonna see how you guys sound in there," Junno said, pointing through the window to the recording booth, "and then we're gonna start recording. We'll have to record all of you separately, of course. Have you guys got the song down?"

Jin nodded. "We've been playing it for ages. It's almost burnt into our memory."

Junno laughed. "Good. That means less takes. Right, you guys, go on in there. I'll signal you when to start."

Ueda was nervous again. Listening to Junno talk about recording here and there and layering and everything was a scary thought - this was really happening. It was possibly the most ambitious thing he had ever done.

They bundled themselves into the other room, carrying their instruments with them. They settled themselves into the formation they were used to - Jin and Ueda dragged microphones over from the side - and on Junno's signal, began playing.

The sound was different than what they were used to. The shed had sheets set up from the roof, in order to control the level of echo, but it was still a shed. The bars they had played at changed their sound once again. This room had no echo at all. It was quite surreal, Ueda thought, as he played with all of his might, and loving the sounds of the others joining him.

Junno called them back in, after they had finished the song. Nakamaru had an approving look on his face, and Kato was smiling.

"Sounds great," Junno said, throwing them a smile before turning to Nakamaru. "Shall we begin?"

Ueda's mind was buzzing. He wasn't sure what was happening anymore - he was blankly following the lead of the others. Yamashita's supportive smile helped calm him down, as he dragged him down onto the seat next to him.

"You okay?"

Ueda nodded. "Yeah. Just...this is all going over my head, you know?"

"Yeah. Don't worry - you've still got a little time to get used to it."

"Alright, Tanaka, you're going first. Are those drums in there okay?" Junno asked, gesturing to the room attached to the one they were in. The drums were not Koki's - they had been previously set up. They were flashy; shiny red and white, as opposed to Koki's own beat-up, dull black and brown set. Koki nodded, and stood up.

"So, I just go in there now?"

"Yeah, just go on ahead and count yourself in," Junno said, setting his headphones upon his head. "And put on the headphone set in there." Koki nodded again, and flashed a wide grin at them all before slipping into the other room.

It was strange, just watching Koki drum in the other room but not being able to hear him. Ueda's heart was beating unusually fast - he attributed it to the fact that he had no idea what to do, and he was more than slightly nervous - but then again...

He snuck a glance to his side, where Yamashita sat, watching Koki drum. He felt his stomach twist around itself, and he quickly looked away before he could catch him. He then looked over at Kamenashi, who was talking to Kato and Nakamaru quite happily. Maybe he should talk to Kamenashi about the weird feelings he was experiencing around Yamashita? He seemed to know what to do all the time.

Junno clapped suddenly, shaking him out of his thoughts. "Great, Tanaka! Come back here, now," he said. Koki came back into the room, flushed and happy.

"How was it?"

"Good. Did you make any mistakes? I couldn't tell..."

"Nah."

"Awesome. Less work for me..."

"Junno!"

"Sorry, Nakamaru..." Nakamaru sighed, rubbing his forehead.

"My turn," Kamenashi said, standing and stretching before patting Junno on the head and practically waltzing into the next room. Junno walked in after him, helping him set up everything.

As he came back in, and started fiddling with knobs on the desk in front of him, Jin asked, "He can't hear me, can he?"

"Uh, no."

"Right then," he said, staying in his seat with his elbows on his knees. "Stay away from Kame."

"Wha-- I'm not--"

"I don't care. If you t---"

"Stop, Akanishi," Kato interrupted. "Sorry," he added, to Junno.

"No, no, it's fine - Hang on, Kamenashi," he said quickly, into the microphone. Kamenashi nodded. "I'm not even...you know - I have a girlfriend."

"Jin's incapable of apologising," Nishikido said. Junno laughed, as Jin sunk into his seat and looked away.

"It's okay. Kamenashi, you can start now."

Nishikido came in after Kamenashi finished. It was even stranger watching Nishikido play - he would twist around and move his body, to music only he could hear. He really felt the music.

Ueda's turn was after his. Yamashita patted him on the back before he walked into the room. It was awkward, being in that echo-less room. There was no-one else there, and yet there were eyes watching him from behind the glass. He picked up the headphones which had been set down, and as he put them upon his head, sounds rushed up to meet him.

"Hey, can you hear me?" Junno's voice questioned. Ueda nodded. "You look like a deer caught in headlights." Ueda could hear Nishikido laughing in the background, and he stuck out his tongue at him, in a sudden surge of confidence.

He began playing as Junno said to. The music seemed to flow out, it was almost natural. It always gave him a sense of peace as he played, and it was even better in this little, enclosed world, not being able to hear anything other than the music.

Ueda had a wide smile on his face as he left the room. Yamashita, for reasons unbeknownst to him, enveloped him in a sudden hug, making all of the blood rush to his head.

"Y-Yamashi-ta?" Ueda stuttered out against the other man's shoulder. He brought his hands up to try to pull him away, but his hands ended up just resting on his back as he found Yamashita's embrace actually quite comfortable. And there was that weird feeling again.

"Oi, you two, stop that," Nishikido interrupted.

"Uh..sorry - I got a bit carried away..." Yamashita said, ducking his head and quickly making his way to the other side of the room. Ueda turned away from Nishikido as he looked at him with an undescribable emotion on his face. For some reason, Ueda didn't want Nishikido to see the way the hug had affected him.

Junno, who had been busy twisting dials and focusing on his own work with Nakamaru standing behind him telling him what to do, looked up then. "Okay, Akanishi. You get to go tomorrow. I need to mix these instruments together to actually make the song. Ueda, you're backup, right?" Ueda nodded. "You'll be coming tomorrow, too then. The rest of you don't need to come. "

"Yes, we do," Kamenashi said firmly. Jin nodded, and Junno just sighed.

"Alright, then."

>>><<<

　

They turned up yet again the next day - without Yamashita, as he had to work - and met a grumbling Junno at the front desk.

"Hey," he said, settling his hat lower over his face.

"Woah, dude, you look like crap," Nishikido said, desperately trying to peek at the man from under the rim of his cap.

"Shut up. I got no sleep last night."

"Sorry..." Ueda said quietly. Jin smiled next to him, as Junno's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"N-no. No, really, it's fine - I mean, it's my job and all," he explained, as he began leading them to their recording room. "That's the first time anyone has apologised for making me mix their music. Anyway, Akanishi, you're first today, after you all hear the music. We're going into another room, though. Come on, follow me. Kato is meeting us in the room, and Nakamaru will pop by soon - he's got something to take care of first."

He led them to a smaller room than the one the previous days - due to the lack of space and room for only a microphone and a stool, Ueda supposed that it was because it was specifically for vocalists.

Junno confirmed his thoughts as they all took their places on the, this time blue, couch. "We've got the lyrics here for you guys, courtesy of Kato, and you two know which parts to sing and everything, right?" Jin and Ueda both nodded. "Good. Look, here's the track." He walked over to his table, and fiddled with a few buttons and levers here and there, before the music was coming through speakers hidden around the room.

Another strange emotion passed through Ueda as he heard his own guitar sounding from these speakers. It wasn't nervousness, or anxiousness, or even happiness - it was pride. He could see it on the others' faces as well, as their instruments came in. It was a wonderful feeling - something Ueda hadn't really experienced before, being the music-lover son of a man who had wanted a lawyer. He was proud. Of himself. He had accomplished this.

"That sounds amazing," Kato said, a large smile on his handsome face.

"Holy crap, we're good," Nishikido said, and Ueda turned to him, nodding enthusiastically. "Woah, careful there, Bambi, or your head will fall off," he laughed, grabbing onto Ueda's shoulders before realising what he was doing and quickly letting go. Ueda didn't really notice it, though, as he had turned to Jin on the other side of him.

Junno laughed. "So, it's all good then?"

"It's fucking perfect, Mr. Happy," Nishikido said. Junno smiled wider. "You have a freaking massive smile."

"You should talk," Jin said, and raised his hand for a high-five which never came.

"Right, Akanishi, get into that box."

>>><<<

 

Ueda still wasn't done yet. He still needed to record his vocals, and he was even more nervous than before. He would be singing without a guitar to protect him, and in front of someone he had only met twice now. Nishikido sat up on the couch next to him, slinging an arm over his shoulder.

"Hey," he said.

"...Hi."

"How're you holding up?"

"Fine. You?"

"Better now."

"Now?" Ueda asked, confused.

Nishikido scratched his nose. "Ah, I was a little nervous yesterday, but now I'm good."

"I _was_ wondering why you were so quiet, Ryo," Kamenashi piped up, smiling mischeviously.

"You shut up."

Jin came sauntering back into the room, with a big smile on his face. "Totally got it right the first take. I am awesome," he said, clapping his hands.

"Oh, nice work, Akanishi," Kato said. "What about you do that at your next gig?"

"I try, okay?"

"Ueda, it's your turn now," Junno said, after fiddling around a little with some of the knobs and buttons on his table, and smiling at him. He took a deep breathe, and with Nishikido's pat on the back as encouragement, he walked into the room Jin had just come out of.

He thought the room would have been quite cramped, but it was more spacious than he had imagined. Jin had moved the stool to the side, and Ueda left it there, too. It was easier to sing standing up, he found. Those nerves he had before came bounding back in full force, twisting his stomach.

Ueda hesitantly put his headphones on. Junno gave him a bunch of instructions, and he tried to remember what he had told him, but it was almost impossible.

Junno must have pressed _something_ , then, because music was then flowing into his ears and he was listening to himself playing the guitar, which was an odd sensation. But there was that pride again, and he almost laughed to himself. Then there were Jin's vocals which definately hadn't been there before, and it sounded amazing. Really amazing. Like an actual band.

He supposed they were an actual band.

Ueda read the lyrics, which were on a music sheet stand in front of him, as Jin sang them through his headphones. Somehow he managed to block out the others, still sitting behind that glass wall and watching him. Maybe they weren't watching him at all. Perhaps they were all just talking to each other, or ordering lunch, or greeting Nakamaru if he had just walked in, or--

Ueda focused on the song in front of him and in his ears. The nervousness was gone, strangely enough. He thought about the time when Yamashita had told him that he made him calmer - the time Ueda had hidden in Eri's house because he was too embarrassed to show his face. He thought about the time that Yamashita had placed his hand on his knee and he hadn't been able to shake the weird feeling for hours. He thought about when Yamashita hugged him. He thought about when Yamashita had first helped him, all those months ago, as he picked up the stray coins which had fallen out of his guitar case.

He thought about Yamashita, as he sung. He sung with some form of strength he hadn't known he possessed; he sung with emotion and with gentle force. He sung with Jin, but really he sang from his own heart, a place which had been locked away for years; a place which he hadn't let anyone see for a long time.

A place which he knew Yamashita had found his way into.

　

\--end of chapter 9 

 


	10. Tomorrow's Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ueda Tatsuya was nothing. Nothing, until Yamashita Tomohisa helped him fit in. He found him a band; he found him friends. This is the story of their rise to the top - the music, the troubles faced, the bonds formed.

_Le Ciel_ recorded two more songs after that. Both of the songs Nakamaru had chosen were original songs of theirs - one was a slower song, with gentle drum beats and beautiful husky vocals from Jin, and the other was another fast-paced one, which had Junno tapping his foot as he recorded them.

Two weeks later, as Ueda worked at the Kamenashi's flower store, the phone rang. This hadn't happened before. Ueda looked around, wondering if he was meant to pick it up. When no-one appeared to answer it, he hesitantly picked the receiver up, placing it to his ear and greeting the person on the other end.

"Hello, Ueda?"

"...Kato?"

"Yes, it's Shige. You need a mobile phone," Kato said, his voice grainy due to the connection.

"Oh, sorry. I don't have much money," Ueda said, twisting the phone cord around his fingers.

"I know that - sorry. I just called to say that Nakamaru and Junno have finished with the tracks. I've got you guys booked in for filming for the music video, on Thursday. Is that alright with you?"

"Yeah, that's fine. Kamenashi doesn't have me working then," Ueda answered, now trying to untangle his fingers from the cord. "Ow."

"You okay?"

"Yep... just...no - it's fine," Ueda said, as his fingers came loose.

"Alright, then. After that, there's the photoshoot for the cover of the single, and the insert and stuff. It's gonna be more stressful than the previous shoot we had. You guys have to bring your instruments, alright? For both the shoot and the video. Don't worry, the shoot will be on another day."

"Okay..."

"I'll come and pick you all up again, and drive you to the place. It's at around eleven in the morning."

"Okay... Kato? Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, Ueda. What's up?"

"Uh...who is paying for everything?"

"Jin," Kato said simply.

"How?"

"How? His family has a lot of money. His mother owns her own perfume company, whilst his father travels around, writing travel articles. Where have you been?"

"Not asking the right questions, I suppose."

>>><<<

 

That was how Ueda found himself in another makeup room, having his face powdered and painted next to Nishikido and Jin. The makeup artists were having troubles with Koki and his beanie - they needed it to go, but he was having none of that.

"Tanaka! Just take it off for this, then you can put it back on again!" Kato barked.

"It's not like Yamapi's here," Nishikido added. Koki looked at them, and then slowly took his beanie off, not missing the smug smiles of the artists.

"Where is Pi, anyway?" Jin asked, turning around.

"Turn back around, Jin," Kato said from the couch near the other wall. "He actually has a job."

"So do I," Koki said.

"How do you keep getting time off?"

"They love me."

"Ueda, can you please keep still?" The makeup artist said exasperatedly.

"Sorry, but it's kind of hard when you're poking at my eyes," Ueda said, rather forcefully. Jin and Nishikido looked at him. "Anyway, why are you doing that to me?"

"It'll bring out your eyes," she huffed, and twisted his head so she could reach his eyes better.

"Stop that - you're hurting him," Jin said.

The girl sighed. "That's because he's not sitting still," she muttered, and kept an iron grip on his head as her other hand drew with a black pencil under his eyes.

Ueda was furious. Who was this woman to paint his face, and poke at his eyes? And then hold his head like he was a child. He grasped onto the armrests of the chair, knuckles turning almost white with the force he was exerting.

Suddenly, another hand was on his own. He looked down, using only his eyes as his head was still held in that tight grip, and saw a much darker hand over the top of his paler one.

Nishikido.

"It'll be alright, Bambi. Just...I don't know - try not to blink so much or something," he said, his tone harsher than his actions.

"Okay," Ueda murmured, focusing on the ceiling behind the woman's head. The hand around his own tightened, and he knew Nishikido was smiling. The feeling coursing through him was different than when Yamashita touched him - with Yamashita, his skin felt like it was on fire, but with Nishikido, he felt nothing like that.

What did that mean?

"Right, you're done," his makeup artist said, finally releasing his head. Before Nishikido could take his hand away, he squeezed it, and wormed his own from underneath his. Nishikido smiled at him. It was quite an intimate moment, he thought - an intimate moment which shouldn't be so.

He looked away quickly, and stood up, only checking his face then. His eyes were lined with a thin line of black, making his eyes seem bigger than they usually were. The rest of his face was pale and smooth, and his eyes really did stand out.

"You look good, Ueda," Kamenashi said, from the couch next to Kato.

"Yeah, you do..." Nishikido said, not looking him in the eye. Jin chuckled.

"How come no-one else got that treatment?" Koki asked.

"We thought that he'd look good. And we were right," the woman said, packing away her things.

He thought he looked feminine. And he hated it. He grimaced as he saw his reflection in the mirror, and poked his tongue out at the unknown person shown there. Nishikido and Jin laughed.

"There's our Bambi."

>>><<<

 

They were led into a warehouse-type building, where there were lights and cameras and steel poles leading to complicated looking contraptions everywhere. It looked quite run-down, but it was managed quite well. They were met by a stressed-looking man, who smiled at them and told them to stand in front of the cameras.

"That's a lot of cameras," Kamenashi said, as they stood there, feeling slightly exposed as the rest of the crew looked at them and welcomed them. They bowed their heads politely back at them, but they had already looked away, busily setting up things here and there.

"Hey guys, my name is Tegoshi Yuya - director," a small, petite man said. He had large, brown eyes and fair skin, with light brown, curly hair accentuating a pretty, round face with a sweet smile. "Right, over on this table are the boards for the video."

The man led them over to a spindly little table in a corner, showing them a large sheet of paper with concepts drawn hastily on it. They looked it over, as Kato explained to them.

"For now, you're going to play here, in this empty space," he said. They nodded. "Then you're going to move off, and film solo shots and stuff like that."

Tegoshi nodded. "Of course, none of your instruments will really be plugged in. Just play the right chords and such. And mouth the words at the right times. I know it'll feel a little weird to lipsync, but you have to, okay? Hikaru, please get the instruments."

A tall, lanky teenager with a pimpled face rushed off, as Tegoshi led them to the bare space where they would play. Koki's drums were already set up, and he ran a hand over them. Tegoshi rattled off a few more instructions, and flashed them a bright smile, before leaving them and settling himself into a chair somewhere behind the cameras. Kato gave them a tight smile.

"I'll wait over there, okay?" Kato said, pointing to a table. "Come over during breaks or whatever."

"Alright, Shige, we've got it. Shoo," Nishikido said, pushing the other slightly in the direction of the table. Kato huffed, but went nonetheless. "Just because you don't have any friends..."

The teenager came back a little while after, carrying both Ueda's and Nishikido's guitars. They quickly took them from the boy, before he raced off to find Kamenashi's bass.

"Be more careful with my guitar," Nishikido muttered, and stalked off to plug it into the amplifier. Ueda moved to do the same. Jin had already found the microphone stands and moved two over, setting his own up before moving to set up Ueda's.

Once everything was in place, they stood there for a while before it hit Ueda. They were about to make a music video. People were going to see them.

"Alright, you guys. Ready?" Tegoshi's voice boomed out of the slight shadows. They nodded, already in position. Strangely enough, Ueda didn't feel all that nervous. He supposed it was because he didn't really have to speak or sing at all; he just had to _pretend_ to play. He didn't even have to play well.

Tegoshi started to count down, and then Ueda was playing, concentrating on the strings of his guitar. It was still amazing, listening to himself play, and it was even more incredible to hear it in such a large room, hearing it echo off the walls. He could hear the others join in, and then Jin's vocals come in.

Ueda focused his eyes on his guitar, only looking up every so often when he wasn't playing or to look around. Tegoshi didn't seem to mind this - he had said that he would interrupt if something was going wrong - so he kept it up.

He almost jumped when he heard the chorus. He was so used to stepping up to the microphone to sing, he had almost forgotten that he was meant to mouth the words. Hearing himself through the speakers was yet another amazing thing he never thought possible. He tried hard not to smile to himself as he sung, but it was almost impossible, and a small smirk made it's way onto his face.

"Alright, cut!" Tegoshi's call came, once the music had finished. "Great, guys. I think we'll do it again - guys, can you move the cameras around? Yeah, there, thanks - and this time, put more energy into it. I know it's nerve-wracking, but guys, you've got to sell yourselves. You're good-looking. You're cool. You're a fucking rock band. Add some snarls and jumps and whatnot. You know?" The band nodded, but Ueda knew that none of them were going to change what they were doing. They were all too head-strong for it.

"Here, Tegoshi, let me talk to them," Kato piped up, moving into the light. "Koki! Hit those drums harder! Kame! Move or something, you were making me yawn just watching you. Ryo! I've seen what you're like when you play - come on! Jump around and twist and do whatever the hell you do. Jin! You looked like you were half-asleep or something, put some emotion into it! Ueda! Look more motivated," Kato said forcefully. "I did like that little smirk you gave the camera, though,"

"Ueda smirked? And I missed it?" Jin cried.

"So, are we ready, guys?" Tegoshi asked. Ueda wondered if he actually knew their names, or if he was content on calling them 'guys' for the rest of the day.

"Yeah," Jin said, shuffling his feet.

They played the song again, and the band seemed more alive, somehow, with everyone taking in Kato's words. He knew how to push them, to get them to do what he wanted. Ueda could see from the corner of his eye Nishikido moving to the music, as he always did, and smiled again. Kato could even get the most stubborn person to do as he wanted. With that thought in his mind, Ueda concentrated on the song, and on his own disembodied voice floating down upon himself as he sang.

Tegoshi made them do another take, this time with different lighting and new camera angles. He tried to change their positioning - moving Kamenashi to the other side of Jin, with Ueda, instead of the side with Nishikido - but they wouldn't stand for it, and Tegoshi gave up after a while, moving to bark orders at poor Hikaru again.

They were then led to their dressing room, where Kato quickly found them. Nishikido muttered something about him having no friends, and he hit him over the head.

The makeup artists from before came out of seemingly nowhere, attacking their faces again to touch up. Ueda sat still, but as soon as the woman left again, he muttered, "I really hate that woman."

Nishikido promptly burst into laughter. "Ah, you're fantastic, Bambi," he cried.

"She pokes around at my eyes and gets powder up my nose. I'm allowed to hate her," Ueda responded, making Nishikido's grin just that little bit wider.

They had watched back some of the footage of themselves playing, and they looked good. Tegoshi and Kato had been right - their first take was very wooden, as they were nervous and unsure, but after a while, they had almost forgotten that there were about four cameras zooming in and focusing and rushing around them. The effect that the dim lighting had on the filming was incredible - it made everything look run-down and broken, yet still managed to catch the shine of Nishikido's guitar and highlight the dents in Koki's drumkit.

Spindly Hikaru came into the room, calling for Kamenashi, to film his solo part. He smiled, and asked them to wish him luck as he grabbed his bass and followed the teenager. He came back a while later, and Jin was called, then Nishikido, and then Ueda.

Koki patted him on the shoulder as he stood up to walk on after the younger man, guitar firmly in his grip. He led him silently over to a corner, which sported a small, rectangular window near the roof. Strips of light forced themselves in through the window, making everything golden and seemingly magical. But Tegoshi didn't care about that.

Tegoshi greeted him with a smile, and gestured for him to move into the empty space. "Ueda, is it?" He asked. Ueda nodded. "Cool. Just play that guitar like you were doing before, okay?"

Ueda nodded again. "Um..."

"Yeah?" Tegoshi asked, distractedly, as he checked through some papers.

"What do I do when I don't have to play?"

When Tegoshi chuckled, Ueda felt embarrassed, and ducked his head. "Look around, look into the camera, dance around. Like you do on stage."

"Okay.." Ueda said in a small voice.

"Hey. You alright?"

"Yep. Yeah, I'm fine," Ueda said, and moved off. It was stupid to be so embarrassed about something so trivial.

"Okay, Ueda."

Once Ueda finished his part, Tegoshi called him over, to check the footage. It was unnerving to watch himself play - it had been embarrassing to sing into no microphone, and it was even more embarrassing watching it back. Tegoshi looked at him expectantly after the footage had ended, and Ueda nodded, telling Tegoshi that it looked fine. Tegoshi's face erupted into a fantastic smile.

"Awesome. Now, I'm gonna get you to sit in the corner, there, if you don't mind." Ueda went over and sat where he thought Tegoshi wanted him. The other man checked through the camera, and furrowed his fine eyebrows. "Hmm... a bit to the right? No, no. Come here for a second."

Ueda stood up and started to walk over, but suddenly Tegoshi _screeched_ and Ueda was left wide-eyed as he practically flapped over to him, pushing him roughly back and setting him against the wall.

"There," he breathed, as he went back to his camera. "That looks amazing."

A young woman came over to place his guitar next to him, and Ueda thanked her before reaching for it, keeping it leaning against the wall, but with a hand still on it's neck.

"Okay, Ueda, just look around," were his directions, and Ueda had to wonder if this man was really a professional. He didn't really care, though, as the music started, and he stood in the light, glancing around. His eye accidentally caught the camera, though, but instead of glancing away, he looked into it, before lowering his gaze again.

Tegoshi was almost bouncing in his seat as Ueda finished. "Okay, cut. Oh, that looked great."

 

>>><<<

 

They hadn't seen the final cut yet. Kato had, however, and refused to show them, saying that they would have to wait "like the rest of the world." Ueda highly doubted that the rest of the world would be seeing their video. Nishikido shared the same thoughts, but instead of keeping his doubts inside, hit Kato over the head.

It was Saturday, and the day before they had done another gig at Koyama's bar. Kato had gotten Koki to quickly add onto their posters that their CD was coming soon, and Jin and Koyama had both mentioned it to the over-excited, slightly drunken, crowd. Kato had just come around to Jin's, and piled everyone into the van once again for their photoshoot.

The shoot was in the same warehouse that they had had their filming done in, but the inside was completely different. Instead of long poles with fluffy-looking microphones attached to them, there were white objects similar to umbrellas being carried around, in order to help with the light in the photograph. There were trays of cameras and lenses being rolled around, and there were trolleys full of props set up in the corner.

The band were led back into the makeup room - there were different makeup artists there this time, and Ueda breathed out a sigh of relief. He sat in the chair next to Kamenashi and Koki this time, and the artists barely spared them a glance before they were all over them, touching their faces and tugging at their hair, changing their appearances to something more appealing to them.

They changed into the clothes they had been wearing the other day, for the music video filming, before walking back out to the set. They were met by a sweet-looking man, with beautiful, brown eyes and short brown hair which fell across his scalp lightly. He was introduced to them as one Masuda Takahisa, and threw them a fantastic smile which crinkled his eyes up into crescent shapes.

"Hi, everyone," he said happily. Ueda liked the man right away. "I'm the director for this shoot. This shoot is for your new single?" They nodded. "Right. If you guys have some kind of formation or something, please get into it, over there," Masuda said, leading them to the place in front of the camera.

Koki's drums had been set up for them at the back of the room. They each took their instruments and set up as if they were about to play - Jin at the front, Kamenashi and Nishikido to his right, Ueda to his left, and Koki behind them all. They plugged their instruments into the amplifiers, and Jin set up the microphones.

Masuda had them stand there, instruments in-hand, and he snapped photos here and there, moving his own body to get the right shot. He ordered some other people to move around, fixing Kamenashi's hair or changing Nishikido's jacket, or to move lights about the place.

After fifteen minutes of just standing there looking into the camera, Masuda let them see the photos. Ueda felt as though all this was happening too quickly - it still hadn't sunk in. After everything, it was still confusing and unusual - all these people were working to help create this single. He was looking at himself, standing in a band of completely different yet similar-minded people, looking as though he belonged there. And he knew he did, as Kamenashi slung an arm over his shoulders to lean against him, and it wasn't uncomfortable.

Masuda was calling them again; they were to have solo shots now, since none of them had complained about his other photos. They all waited in the makeup room again, where they were touched up by flighty makeup artists, until they were called.

When it was Ueda's turn, his stomach twisted, but he walked out with his head high and determination shining in his eyes. Masuda was sweet - he led him to the place he wanted him to stand, smiling happily. All of his orders were more like requests.

"Ueda, here," he said, and an assistant dragged over an unplugged amplifier for him to lean against. "Do with it what you will," he said, before getting someone else to artistically drape Ueda's battered guitar over the amp.

Ueda looked about, unsure. He hesitantly sat down in front of the amp, to the side, and looked into the camera awkwardly. Masuda nodded, with those upturned eyes of his, and snapped some photos, twisting himself around so that Ueda had to move with him. Masuda then got him to sit upon the amp, and took some more photographs.

Looking into the lense of the camera was fine. The fact that he was looking through the lense of the camera and straight into Masuda's eye was awkward, however. Masuda wanted him to give his most 'seductive' look, but Ueda was incapable of it. Not just because it was embarrassing to look at someone he barely knew like that, but because he had no idea _how_ to look seductive. He supposed that was another thing to ask Kamenashi.

"Thanks a lot, Ueda, could you go and call out Tanaka now?"

>>><<<

 

Ueda was missing Yamashita.

He couldn't understand why, or how. He hadn't seen the man since the last time they had a show, but even that meeting was brief and rushed. So when Yamashita walked into Kamenashi's flower store that week, Ueda almost dropped the watering can in shock.

"Woah, hold on there," Yamashita chuckled, reaching forward and helping Ueda with the can.

"Yamashita? What're you doing here?" Ueda asked, setting the watering can down and walking back behind the counter. For some, unknown reason, Ueda wanted to be enveloped in those arms again; he wanted to be closer to Yamashita. So he did the only thing he could, and distanced himself from him.

"I just... I don't know. I was walking past and thought I'd drop by," he said, resting against the counter.

"Oh, well...hi."

Yamashita laughed. "Hi. How's everything going? I'm sorry I couldn't stay long the other night - I had too much work, and had to rush back."

Ueda shook his head, and leant on the counter. "It's fine. Everything's great."

"How'd the photoshoot go?"

"Oh, it was alright. We just had to stand there and move whenever they told us. The filming was fun, strangely enough..."

"Oh? Why?"

"I don't know - maybe because we were still playing music? I'm not sure. But I don't like the makeup," Ueda said. Yamashita chuckled, a strange look in his eyes. "What?"

"I think that's the most you've ever spoken to me in one go."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Maybe you're finally feeling comfortable with us?"

Ueda nodded. "I really...enjoy everything. Everyone. The music. Thankyou so much. It's because of you I have all of this," Ueda said, and bowed so deeply, he could touch his knees with his nose.

Yamashita rushed over to him, straightening him up. "What're you doing, you crazy little man? It's fine, really. I love seeing you play music. It's what you were born to do, and I firmly believe that. Don't thank me - all I did was push you in the right direction. All the rest was you and your talent."

Ueda felt his eyes start to water, as he looked into Yamashita's eyes. "Thankyou." He couldn't express in words how much he appreciated everything he had done.

"Do you want a hug? You look like you need a hug," Yamashita said, holding his arms out.

Ueda barely hesitated before he was in Yamashita's arms, gripping the back of his suit jacket as those strong arms engulfed him. He sighed, resting his cheek on Yamashita's shoulder and closing his eyes.

He had never felt so safe, or comfortable, before in his life.

 

\--end of chapter 10

 


	11. Tomorrow's Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ueda Tatsuya was nothing. Nothing, until Yamashita Tomohisa helped him fit in. He found him a band; he found him friends. This is the story of their rise to the top - the music, the troubles faced, the bonds formed.

The hug had Ueda thinking that maybe there really _was_ something wrong with him. He knew he was going to have to talk to Kamenashi soon.

That was going to have to wait, though, as Kato burst into the shed, with a widely-smiling Jin in tow.

"Hmm. A happy Jin is never good," Nishikido said suspiciously, setting down his guitar and looking at him with narrowed eyes. "What have you done?"

Kato laughed. "Nothing. He's done nothing. The single inserts have been done, though," he said, waving a hand as if it were nothing.

"What?" Kamenashi asked, practically bouncing over to the two.

Kato smiled, and reached into his pocket, pulling out a little booklet. "This, my dear band," he said dramatically, "is the insert of your new single, to be released in two weeks."

"Seriously?" Kamenashi screeched.

"Oh my God, Kame, turn it down a notch!" Nishikido cried, covering his ears.

"Oops, sorry," Kamenashi apologised.

"Two weeks?" Ueda asked. "Is that all?"

Kato nodded. "We're going have to tell _everyone_ we know about it. Sell yourselves. I've contacted as many people I know as well as some companies and stuff, but you're going to have to help, okay?"

They nodded as a group, and Kato beamed before slamming the little booklet down on one of the tables. They all crowded around it, and Kamenashi deemed himself the 'page turner'.

The cover art was amazing. The lighting made the picture look blue and grey, with dark, black shadows. Each of them were staring through the camera, with deep eyes and dark looks. Underneath the photo of them was " _Le Ciel"_ , in the same cursive writing Koki used for their posters, as well as the words " _Yell"_ , in a larger font, proclaiming the name of their single loudly and boldly. Nishikido nudged Ueda with his elbow, and threw Ueda an amazed glance, which Ueda was sure was mirrored on his own face.

Kamenashi turned the page carefully and daintily. There was a page for lyrics, which were written beautifully and neatly on a dark blueish background, in tiny white text. The page opposite was a picture of Jin, sitting atop the amp with a microphone dangling from his hands.

"It's me! It's me!" he cried, pointing at the picture.

"Yes, we know," Koki said, and poked Kamenashi in the back to make him turn the page.

The next one was a double spread, of Koki and Kamenashi. Kamenashi was standing, leaning against his bass, while Koki sat on the floor on the opposite page, drumsticks in-hand and looking menacing. Koki giggled at his own photograph.

"Don't giggle, it ruins the photo," Kato said.

The next photo was Ueda's. It was the one of him sitting by the amp, leaning against it, with one hand outstretched to his guitar. He was slightly embarrassed to see his own picture - he could spot every flaw and every annoying nuance he had - but even he had to admit that it turned out well.

Nishikido's was on the second to last page. He sat cross-legged on the floor, with his guitar in his lap and practically _glaring_ at the camera.

"Oh man, why am I the last one?"

"What did Masuda say to get you so angry, Ryo?" Kato asked. Nishikido pinched him.

"Oh hey look, there's an extra one at the back," Kamenashi said, flipping to the next page. It was a group shot, very similar to the first, but had been taken without their knowledge.

Ueda remembered the scene in the photograph. It had been when Masuda had called upon someone to bring him a different camera lens, and the six of them had started laughing over something Nishikido had muttered under his breath.

This photograph was his favourite.

All of the others were staged - they had no personality. They were just a grey-blue background, with a man and his instrument thrown into the foreground with pretty shadows and flashy lighting. There was nothing special about them, Ueda thought. But this one picture here, showed each of their personalities. It was fantastic. And beautiful.

 

>>><<<

 

Ueda was once again working in Kamenashi's store when the man himself walked in, hat set jauntily upon his head and bag slung over his shoulder. He greeted him with a smile and a small wave, as he was busy fixing some flowers for a young customer.

"Hey," Kamenashi said, as soon as the customer had disappeared down the street. "So guess what?"

"What?" Ueda asked, placing the money in the till expertly.

"We're finally able to pay you."

"What? Really?" Ueda exclaimed, turning to face the other. Kamenashi nodded.

"Yup. You won't get that much, though," Kamenashi grimaced, "but it's better than living off Jin for your entire life, right?" Ueda nodded. Asking Jin for everything was embarrassing. The other didn't mind, but Ueda needed to prove that he could stand on his own.

"Thankyou so much," Ueda said, and bowed deeply. Kamenashi laughed.

"You're so adorable. Seriously, don't sweat it."

Before Kamenashi could disappear into the back room, Ueda quickly stopped him. "Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot," Kamenashi said, setting his bag down before sitting upon the little stool behind the counter.

"I think there's something wrong with me."

"Hmm. That's never a good way to start a conversation," Kamenashi said, crossing his legs and signalling Ueda to continue.

But Ueda didn't know how to continue. How did one point out that one was feeling almost ill around someone else without it sounding terrible? "I...uh..."

"Okay, sweetie, tell me who or what it's about."

"Um...Yamashita..."

"Yamapi? Alright then, that's a start. Now, what about him?" Kamenashi asked, a gentle tone in his voice.

"W-well...I... I'm not sure...yet. Uh..." Ueda was turning red; he could feel the blood rushing to his face.

"Yeah?"

"I don't - I don't know how to pu--"

"When I'm around Jin," Kamenashi interrupted, standing up and fingering the silken petals of the flowers around him, "I feel safe. I feel as if nothing could ever harm me again. And I know that's stupid, because I'm a man, too, and I should be able to protect the person I love, but I can't help it.

"When he used to touch me, before we were a couple, it was like he was lighting me on fire. After we confessed, it was as if every touch was reminding me that he loved me, so I wouldn't forget. And now... now that we're so far away from each other even though he's always _right there_... it breaks me. Now, every touch is fleeting, yet it lingers for so much longer than it should. His touch now is like he's trying to hold onto me, but let me go at the same time."

Kamenashi turned to Ueda with a sad look in his eye. "You're talking about Yamashita, right?" Ueda nodded, feeling upset for the other man. "I know you. You're afraid to figure out what's happening inside that pretty little head of yours, even though your heart figured it out long ago. Enjoy what you're feeling - enjoy that burning when he touches you; that twist in your gut when he looks into your eyes and you know he's looking past that - he's looking into your soul and knowing you inside out before even you do." Kamenashi walked to him, putting his hands on his shoulders and looking into his eyes. "You love him, Ueda Tatsuya. That's all there is to it. Nothing more, and nothing less. What you do with that little piece of information is your decision, but I say that you should act now, before something happens and you waste your chance."

Ueda felt as though a tonne of bricks had just settled themselves in his stomach, and he slid to the floor, Kamenashi following him. He...loved Yamashita? His eyes searched for the answer, in vain, on the floor, before sliding up to meet Kamenashi's. "...What?" he whispered.

Kamenashi smiled that gentle smile of his. "What do you feel around him?"

Ueda blinked. "I...feel...safe. I feel safe," he said, eyebrows furrowing and catching Kamenashi's eye again. "I feel safe."

"What about if he touches you?"

Ueda thought back to the time Yamashita had touched his knee. "My skin feels like it's on fire," he whispered. Kamenashi ducked his head to be able to hear him.

"What about the other day, when he hugged you?"

"I liked it..."

"What about any other time?"

"He hugged me again, the other day..." Ueda's voice had turned slightly wistful by this point. His brain had finished trying to keep up with his rapidly beating heart, and so it had left Ueda with a strange, peaceful sensation running throughout his body.

"Oh?"

"Yeah... He asked me if I wanted a hug, and I was in his arms before I knew it."

"How did you feel then?"

"Safe. And comfortable. And warm. It was like hugging a big teddy bear." Kamenashi chuckled. "Do I love him?" Ueda asked, the word 'love' heavy yet sweet on his tongue.

"Do you?" Kamenashi just asked, cocking his head.

Ueda thought. And thought. Until he remembered what Kamenashi said before about his heart already knowing, and looked inside his heart. There was this thump whenever Yamashita was mentioned, whenever he looked at him or smiled or even just sat next to him. His palms would sweat, and he wouldn't know where to look unless they accidentally caught each others eye, and smiled. There was this certain way Yamashita would look at him, with this internal warmth radiating out, and it gave him butterflies.

And every time he said his name, it was as if his name was said differently. As if he were saying it just for him; as if his name were something precious upon his tongue. He knew that was stupid - it was just a name.

"I...love him?"

Kamenashi smiled that knowing smile of his. "You do."

His stomach flipped. "What do I do now?"

"I told you, it's up to you. No-one else can live your life for you, little one. You figure this one out yourself. I've already meddled too much into this." Kamenashi stood up, and helped Ueda off the ground. "I love you - I hope you know that, okay? But, you know, just as friends and all."

Ueda rushed forward and enclosed his arms around the startled Kamenashi. "Thankyou," he said, tears pooling in his eyes. Kamenashi wormed his arms out from between them and hugged him back.

"Don't thank me, you idiot," he said, but rested his head upon the others'.

"Thankyou."

>>><<<

 

The fragment of his heart that he had just discovered would not let him rest. Now awoken, he was plagued with thoughts of a certain businessman, and it was annoying him, to be perfectly honest. He couldn't focus on anything - the band, the upcoming single release, talking, walking, sleeping. Anything.

Ueda wondered if this was normal.

He wasn't able to finish his pondering, as Yamashita and Jin both barged their way into the shed, arms flailing and practically skidding around the corner.

"Ueda! Ueda!" Jin called.

"Yeah?"

"Come quickly! Now! Come _on!_ "

The two dragged him into Jin's lounge room, where the rest of the band were sitting.

"What's going on?" Ueda asked, as Jin and Yamashita forced him onto the couch.

"Shige just rang. They're gonna show our video soon," Kamenashi explained from the floor, and gestured to the television, where a flashy American pop singer was dancing. Ueda thought she needed more clothes on than that.

"Can't wait, can't wait, can't _wait_ ," Nishikido chanted, bouncing up and down in his spot on the floor, next to Kamenashi.

Yamashita collapsed onto the couch next to Ueda. "How're we doing?" he asked, turning sideways to Ueda.

"Alright," he answered, acutely aware of his thigh touching Yamashita's own.

"Excited?"

"A little." He was more nervous.

Strangely enough, finding out about his feelings towards Yamashita made talking with him difficult. Kamenashi laughed.

"Jin, where are you?" Kamenashi asked.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Jin said, and rushed into the room. "Are we on yet?"

"Not yet," Kamenashi said, taking Jin's beer bottle as the other lowered himself to the floor.

"Thanks," he said, taking his beer back. Kamenashi smiled.

"Guys, shhhhhh!" Nishikido said, then, and hit Kamenashi over the head. "Listen!"

They all turned to the presenters on the television. "The next band is just about to release their debut single," the woman in her early-twenties said. "It's on sale next week, and sounds amazing." The girl then rattled off their names, causing each of them to develop a strange smile on their faces.

The screen went black and Ueda's stomach flipped again. There was no music, but there was Nishikido looking into the camera. He faded out, then Kamenashi faded in. Then Ueda, then Koki, and finally Jin. And then the guitar started.

They were all there, sitting in Jin's small lounge room, spread across the floor and the couch, watching their very first music video for the first time. Ueda couldn't believe it.

The colours were the same as the single inserts - blue and grey with dark shadows. The main part of the video showed them playing their instruments, but integrated into the video were their solo parts. Ueda's little smirk at the camera was the final thing seen, before it faded to black.

"When the heck did Bambi start smirking like that?" was the first comment, from Nishikido. Jin laughed.

"That was so cool!" Koki shouted, almost deafening Ueda. "We're awesome!"

As the others spoke about how everyone looked good and how it sounded, Yamashita turned to a silent Ueda.

"What's up? Didn't like it?" he asked.

"I loved it. It looked great."

"Then what's up?"

Ueda shook his head. "Did you see that one bit where the camera zoomed in on my guitar?" Yamashita nodded. "Well...when you could see the raised surface of it - all of the scuffed laquer and the pieces raised off of it... it made me feel like I had accomplished something."

 

>>><<<

 

The single was released at midnight that Monday. None of them could sleep.

Kato had appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, to tell Ueda and Jin (during lunch, when they were sprawled outside on the grass with Eri) that they had sold at least twenty copies already.

Ueda was ecstatic. Jin threw his arms around Kato, whilst Eri bounded over to them excitedly, nosing her way into the slightly one-sided hug.

"Twenty copies already?" Ueda asked, and Kato nodded.

"Yeah. See, I told you guys you were amazing. Not bad for a first single, eh? Alright, sorry, but I've gotta go and annoy Ryo now," Kato said, and saluted before rushing away.

Jin and Ueda were still for a few moments more, before they both broke into laughter. Twenty copies may not have seemed much for leading artists, who seem to sell millions upon millions of CD's, but to these men, who had nothing but each other and a dog, it was everything.

Those twenty copies started something that could not be undone.  
  
Those twenty copies would be the start of their new life.

 

\--end of chapter 11

 


	12. Tomorrow's Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ueda Tatsuya was nothing. Nothing, until Yamashita Tomohisa helped him fit in. He found him a band; he found him friends. This is the story of their rise to the top - the music, the troubles faced, the bonds formed.

By the second week, they had sold two hundred copies of their single.

Ueda was browsing the local music store. Not to buy anything, but to just run his hands over the spines of the CD cases. There were so many different types of music; so many people working to make something work.

He had suddenly found himself with money, and he had no idea what to do with it.

Of course, he did have some previously, but it was barely enough to pay his rent and feed himself and Eri. And then there were the bills and other necessities. Jin refused to let him pay for anything, and would ignore him if he didn't want his money. Ueda was thankful for that - Jin had even paid for his new clothes and a collar for Eri - but he was happy that he was finally earning his own.

So Ueda had just left it; hadn't touched it since it had appeared in his bank account. It was too precious to use - there still wasn't that much of it.

He came across a very familiar-looking CD, and smiled widely, pride blossoming inside as he looked at his band. It was one of the few with it's cover facing outwards, with a little tag underneath praising it. Ueda was sure that it was only there because they were locals, but it didn't really matter to him. It was still exciting to see himself there, amongst many other bands. He ran his fingertips over the cover, smiled, and kept walking, hands still trailing over the spines of the other CDs.

A young girl and her boyfriend walked into the run-down store, giggling and pressing herself closer to him, not that he minded. Ueda watched them from the corner of his eye as they wandered around the store. Suddenly, she squealed and rushed towards the aisle Ueda had just been in.

"This is the band I've been telling you about," she said, turning to her boyfriend, who looked vaguely interested. "They're so cool... and the lead singers' hot." Ueda smiled, and wondered if she should be telling her boyfriend that. "But I like the guitarist," she continued. "He's _so cute._ And an amazing player."

"What're they called again? I can't pronounce that," the boy said, peering over her shoulder.

" _Le Ciel_ ," she answered, and Ueda's eyes widened.

"So, are you gonna buy it, or stand here gushing about this guitarist?"

"Both," she said cheekily, before rushing over to the cash register. The boyfriend chuckled, but followed her. "They call him Bambi - how cute is that?"

Ueda was pretty sure that the guitarist she had been talking about wasn't Nishikido. She had called him 'cute', and that word wasn't applicable to Nishikido - not in Ueda's mind, anyway.

He had a fan.

Ueda's smile grew a little more.

>>><<<

 

Kato had deemed him the songwriter of the group. He had quickly discovered that Jin had quite a grasp of the English language, and so he would ask for the others' help when he thought the song needed it.

Ueda loved writing songs. He always had, ever since he learnt how to interpret those dots and lines that represented music. He would let Eri into the shed, and she would sit next to him on his mattress, cocking her head at the sounds the strings were making as he strummed them. Ueda would pause every so often, to quickly jot down notes on a crinkled piece of paper lying beside him.

Today, however, found Ueda on a train alone, with his guitar case between his knees as the train rocked backwards and forwards. He was going to visit Koki, who was back in the hospital again. Ueda thought that maybe Koki needed the company and anyway, he needed help with the bass and drum parts of the songs he was working on.

The path to the hospital from the train station was well burnt into his mind - he had been visiting Koki almost every day since he was re-admitted. Ueda walked slowly down the road, mind elsewhere as he weaved inbetween the people coming the opposite way.

His feelings for Yamashita hadn't gone away, as he'd hoped they would. He had hoped that if he had ignored them, if he had ignored that twisting in his gut, that his feelings would change. However, they had only gotten stronger.

Ueda didn't know what to _do_ about them, though. There was no way he could march up to Yamashita and demand that he should feel the same about him. There was just no way. He knew that he couldn't ask Kamenashi - this was something he had to figure out for himself.

Before he knew it, he was standing out of Koki's hospital room. He blinked, wondering how he got there so quickly, but awkwardly slid the door open with both hands full. Koki's face lit up as he saw who was at the door, and Ueda smiled.

"Hey," Koki said. Ueda stumbled inside, closed the door, and settled himself into the chair next to Koki's bed.

"Hi," Ueda said, a little breathlessly. Koki chuckled.

"You know, you don't _have_ to trek all the way from Jin's to here with your guitar," he said.

"I do if you're going to listen to this song," Ueda replied distractedly, as he fished for his pencil and music book in his bag.

Koki started bouncing in excitement. "Do I get to hear it? Is it done?"

"Yeah..." Ueda said, setting his book on Koki's table. "Do you think the nurses mind about my guitar?"

"Nah, they said it's fine - they can't hear it. You're only here for a few hours, anyway. It's not like everyone's asleep," Koki said, flipping through Ueda's book as the copper-haired man brought out the instrument.

"Good," he said, crossing his legs and settling the guitar upon them. "Can I have that?" Koki gave him back the book, and he flipped to the song he wanted.

The song was slow at first. Ueda focused only on the thin book in front of him, and the harsh feel of the strings underneath his fingers. He sung quietly, but loud enough to be heard above the strumming of the guitar. The chorus was more powerful; he raised his voice, his strumming became louder, rolling together and morphing into a wonderfully strong song.

He looked up at Koki once he was done. Koki smiled. "That sounds great, Ueda," he said, leaning forward to once again pick up the little book and flick through it. "Need help with the drum parts?"

Ueda nodded. "And the bass. Please."

"No problem," he said, and asked Ueda to play again. Ueda watched Koki out of the corner of his eye - he was tapping his hands against his thighs, trying to work out a beat for the song. Koki nodded his head once after Ueda finished, and jotted down some notes on Ueda's page. "Go again?"

They sat there for hours, with Koki hitting the table in front of him as makeshift drums. Koki was a lot of fun to be around, even if they were in a hospital - he would make him laugh, although it should have been the other way around.

Ueda went home with a smile on his face and a song done.

>>><<<

 

Ueda trekked back to the hospital a few days later, in a foul mood. He had shown Kato some of his songs, and he in turn had sent them off to Nakamaru. Ueda didn't know how all of that worked - something to do with computers and the mailing system - but Nakamaru had said that he wasn't happy with the songs. He had liked two out of five.

Ueda practically stormed into Koki's room, making the bald man jump. "Hey, you alright? You look like death."

Ueda scowled. "Nakamaru didn't like the songs."

"Eh? How? They were great!"

"I don't know," Ueda said, sitting down and putting his head in his hands. "I don't know _what_ he wants."

"Neither do I. But it doesn't matter. Just keep writing the things you like, and there's bound to be something that he will," Koki said, stroking his head. "Don't worry that little head of yours about it."

"...okay," Ueda murmured, but he only turned his head to smile slightly at Koki before burying it again. Koki chuckled.

"What're we doing today? Besides sulking?"

"...sulking."

"Stop that," Koki said forcefully, pulling Ueda's arms away from his face. "I have an idea."

And that was how they now found themselves on the roof of the hospital, Koki dragging his drip behind him.

"What're we doing up here?" Ueda asked, looking around. It was a plain, concrete slab, with benches scattered around here and there. The view was wonderful - there were no clouds in the sky, it was just a vast blanket of deep azure blue, uninterrupted.

Koki looked at him from where he was standing, right at the edge of the roof. He rested his hands on the concrete railing, and just yelled. Ueda was quite taken aback. Once he had finished, he said, "That's what we're doing. We're yelling our troubles to the world. Because those guys down there don't give a damn about what we're feeling." Koki pointed down to where there were many people bustling around. Ueda nodded slowly. He really didn't want to do it, though.

"Won't people worry?"

"Let them. Come on, Ueda," he urged. Ueda shook his head. "Fine, we'll sing something, then. Something that'll make both of us worked up enough." Koki then chose the song - one of the ones they had been performing for a while.

Ueda moved away from Koki, to the other side of the roof, so that the other couldn't see him. If he thought that Koki wasn't watching him, maybe he could do it. Suddenly, he heard a tapping noise, and realised that Koki was hitting out the drum parts on the rail. Ueda's foot started to tap out the rhythm, too, before he could stop it. Then there was this voice; this sharp and unrefined but absolutely _beautiful_ voice floating through the air to him, and Ueda had to turn to see if that really was Koki singing. It was.

Ueda, even though he was against it completely, found himself mumbling the words to the second verse alongside Koki. And once the chorus rolled around, his voice had gotten stronger slightly.

He was angry; he was upset; he was frustrated. Just what did this Nakamaru want him to do? His voice escalated. He didn't understand. He had written seven perfectly good songs, but only two of them were any good? Why was Nakamaru the one to decide this? Ueda wasn't singing anymore; he was shouting over the railing, no longer caring about who heard them or who saw them. He vaguely registered Koki's voice rising, too.

Ueda's voice was hoarse by the time they finished. His face was flushed, his chest was heaving, but there was a smile on his face. He turned around to face Koki, who was faring the same.

"Feel better?" Koki asked. Ueda nodded.

"Thankyou."

"No problem - can we get back to making music now?"

Ueda laughed.

>>><<<  
 

When Ueda got home that afternoon, he wasn't expecting to hear an argument in Jin's house. Raised voices floated down the hallway as he walked in, until he reached the kitchen at the end of the house. He hid behind a wall, not wanting to interrupt.

"Why are you getting angry at me for?" That was Jin. He could tell his voice anywhere.

"You're the one kissing random girls in the middle of the street!" Ueda's eyes widened. Kamenashi.

"I was not!"

"My father saw you!"

"You really think that whatever he says about me is true?"

"Are you calling my father a liar?"

"Yes! For fucks sake, Kame, when has he ever said anything good about me?"

Kamenashi paused. "Are you telling the truth?"

"Of course - anyway, I'm not the one with the girlfriend."

"What?!" Kamenashi exploded. "Don't you dare bring her into this!"

"And this isn't about her how?"

"What?"

"You get a girlfriend and don't tell me--"

"We've been through this! You know - after you tried to kiss Ued--"

"Seriously? You're going there?"

"Yes! Jin, I don't know what's with you these days--"

"Because you're messing with my head!"

Ueda tried to hide himself as he ran to the backdoor, hugging his bag to his chest, but Kamenashi caught sight of him and he stopped dead as he called for him.

"Ueda? How long have you been there?" Kamenashi asked, looking slightly lost with his hands in his hair.

"Uh... not too long..."

Kamenashi nodded. "Sorry..."

Ueda shook his head violently. "No - no, I should be sorry. I didn't want to interrupt. You have nothing to be sorry about."

Kamenashi smiled sadly. "You're so sweet. Why couldn't we have found you sooner?"

Jin coughed behind Kamenashi, arms folded. "Go and put your stuff away, and then we'll have dinner." Ueda nodded, and left, but not before seeing Kamenashi give Jin a long look.

Ueda set his things down inside the shed, making sure they weren't going to be damaged in any way before moving to go back to the house. He hadn't meant to listen that far, and he was incredibly embarrassed about interrupting what seemed to be quite a serious fight.

He was halfway across Jin's backyard when he realised that Eri hadn't come to greet him. He stopped, eyebrows furrowing, and changed direction, searching for her.

"Eri?" he called, looking in her doghouse and only finding her blanket. "Where are you, girl?" Ueda kept searching, worry creeping in.

He finally found her five minutes later, lying amongst the trees at the back of the yard, covered by the leaves of the branches. He rushed over, calling her name, but she was unresponsive.

"Eri? Come on, girl, what're you doing?" Ueda said, kneeling next to her and stroking her shoulder. She opened her eyes and lifted her head, meeting Ueda's eyes for a moment before placing her head back on the floor. "Wha--" Ueda lifted his hand from Eri's back legs, coming away sticky.

His hand was red with blood.

"Oh my G-- Jin! Jin! I need your help! Now!"

>>><<<

 

Ueda and Jin, with Kamenashi's help, had gotten Ueda's precious dog over to the nearest vet as soon as they could. Ueda was so scared that his hands were shaking as he stroked Eri's head. Kamenashi cast him a worried glance, and put a hand around his shoulders.

As they arrived, the vets came out to meet them - Kamenashi had called ahead - and helped them to drag the heavy animal inside. Kamenashi stayed in the reception hall with Jin, whilst Ueda just followed wherever the vets were taking his pet.

They pulled her into a separate room, where the rest of the vets disappeared into another room off that one. One vet stayed behind, and Ueda stood back with his hands tangled in his hair as she crouched down next to the injured dog and checked her over.

"What happened?" The vet asked.

Ueda shook his head. "I don't know. I just came home and found her like this."

The vet clucked her tongue, and ran her hands over the dog. After a while, she concluded that Eri had been run over by a car.

"How? She was in the backyard - I don-- I don't underst--"

"I don't know, but I've got to get her into surgery now."

>>><<<

 

"How? How could she have gotten out?" Kamenashi asked.

"And when?" Jin added.

"I d--don't know," Ueda said, pacing around the reception area, his hands still in his hair. His eyes started itching; he knew tears of frustration and worry were starting to form.

"Ue-- Tatsuya, honey," Kamenashi said, standing up to catch Ueda mid-pace, "You have to calm down, okay? Breathe." Ueda breathed in deeply. "Now, sit down and think everything through."

Ueda sat down on the plastic chairs, in between Jin and Kamenashi. "Di--did you guys see or hear anything?"

They shook their heads. "No - I think we were yelling so loudly we couldn't hear," Jin said. "I'm sorry, Ueda."

Ueda didn't say anything. All he could do was stare at the door through which they had taken Eri, tapping his foot on the floor until Kamenashi had to hold his knee down. "I just...want her back."

"How long have you had her?" Ueda knew Kamenashi was trying to get him to ignore the seemingly endless frustration building up, and he let him.

"Ten years."

Kamenashi smiled. "Have you had her since she was a puppy?"

Ueda nodded, eyes still on the door. "I found her when I was younger, and she followed me home. My family didn't want her, but she wouldn't leave. She became so annoying that my father just gave up and let her in." Ueda wiped the tears that were slowly making their way down his face. "She's my best friend. I tell her everything. How could I let this happen?"

"Hey, shush now. None of this was your fault," Kamenashi said, stroking Ueda's hair. Ueda sniffled.

The doors opened, then, and the three of them leapt up as the female vet came through. Ueda's eyes shone with hope as she neared.

"Her injuries were... too extensive. There was internal bleeding, and since she was getting old... I'm sorry, Ueda-san, but she didn't make it."

Suddenly Ueda was kneeling on the floor and Kamenashi was calling his name and he was breathing too fast, too fast. And then he couldn't breathe.

"Eri's...dead?"

"I'm terribly sorry..."

Ueda vaguely registered Jin moving away with the vet to the counter, but concentrated on not vomiting all over the linoleum floor. He couldn't believe it - his Eri was dead.

"Kamenashi?" Ueda asked through the tears, clawing at the others' shirt.

"What is it? What can I do? I'm so sorry--" Kamenashi had tears running down his face, too.

"Y-Yamashita."

"What?"

"Call Yamashita!" His cries were desperate, haunting. Kamenashi nodded and dug his phone out of his pocket, flipping it open and pressing buttons until he pressed it against his ear.

"Pi? I've--"

"Yamashita?" Ueda grabbed the phone from Kamenashi with a desperation that was heartwrenching. "I-- Er--I can't - I don't--"

"Slow down, Ueda, I can't understand you," came Yamashita's fuzzy answer.

"I need you."

"Give the phone to Kame."

Ueda gave the phone back, and looked about, lost and hugging himself. He shrugged Kamenashi's arms away as the other tried to hug him. There was only one person who could comfort him now.

It seemed like forever until Yamashita came. He ran through the doors, and collapsed on the floor next to Ueda, ignoring the others there and quickly bundling the smaller man into his arms. Ueda breathed out a sigh as he felt that familiar warmth, and then the tears multiplied.

"Shh...it's okay...I'm here..." Yamashita murmured, lips against Ueda's hair. His heart broke as he heard and felt the other's chest-wracking sobs, and wished that there was something else he could do. "I'm here."

Ueda moved closer, and Yamashita drew him in so that Ueda was sitting in his lap, arms tight against Yamashita's chest and his head buried in the crook of his neck. Yamashita's hands ran up and down his spine soothingly, as those sobs came silently. He unconsciously rocked back and forth, trying to comfort the other.

"Come on... shh... I'm here... breathe... everything's going to be alright..."

　

\--end of chapter 12


	13. Tomorrow's Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ueda Tatsuya was nothing. Nothing, until Yamashita Tomohisa helped him fit in. He found him a band; he found him friends. This is the story of their rise to the top - the music, the troubles faced, the bonds formed.

Ueda felt empty.

He sat in the middle of Yamashita's bed, sheets surrounding him as he rubbed his eyes of sleep. He sighed. He missed Eri.

"Are we awake?" a muffled voice asked, on the other side of the door.

"Yes."

"Can I come in?"

"Yes."

Yamashita gingerly opened the door, and stepped into his own bedroom. "Hey," he said gently, placing a tray infront of the other and crawling onto the bed with him. "I brought you breakfast."

"You didn't have to do that."

"Yes I did. It's practically law that one must have breakfast in bed when it's raining this hard," Yamashita replied. Ueda smiled weakly. "See? There's that smile." Yamashita passed him a piece of toast before speaking again. "Eat up quickly; I have a surprise for you."

Ueda didn't really feel up to any more surprises. Eri's death had only happened the day before - after collapsing on the floor in the veterinary surgery, Yamashita had taken him home and held him until he had fallen asleep, tears staining the pillowcase underneath his head. He just wanted Eri back.

Ueda felt Yamashita's hand on his head, and he turned to him. "Hey...you alright?"

"No. My best friend died last night," he said sharply. Yamashita's eyebrows shot up. "And I'm incredibly embarrassed about how I acted yesterday... I'm sorry," he added, in a softer tone. Yamashita smiled.

He didn't know why he made Kamenashi call Yamashita yesterday. There was just something inside him, screaming for Yamashita's embrace. He had felt so helpless, so useless, so desperate. Yamashita seemed to make everything feel right again.

"It's no problem," Yamashita said, pressing his side against Ueda's. "And if you don't mind... I could be your best friend..."

Ueda turned to Yamashita, eyes wide. "Really?"

Yamashita hadn't realised how much it would mean to Ueda. He nodded, slowly, and Ueda smiled widely. Yamashita, seeing Ueda's eyes bereft of tears, smiled to himself.

Ueda was the child at school that no-one wanted to be associated with. He had carried on, however, and made friends with the library staff at each of his schools. He had never had a true friend, other than Eri. But now...

Ueda drew from the warmth of the other, still pressed against his side. His heart thudded against his chest. "Thankyou," he said, and took a bite of the toast. "It's delicious."

"I know, I'm amazing," Yamashita laughed, nudging Ueda. "Oh, and sorry about the flower," he added, nodding towards the single yellow flower in a small crystal vase in the tray, "I crushed it with the kettle."

"How did y--"

"Don't ask."

>>><<<

 

An hour and many wrong turns later, Ueda stood in front of his surprise, eyes wide and mouth gaping.

"Yamashita..."

They were at an animal rescue centre.

"Look, you don't have to - you can just look around or something, if you want..." Yamashita trailed off as he looked at Ueda's face, and his stomach flipped. "I-I just thought that maybe you--"

"Can we go in?" Ueda asked. He wasn't sure about Yamashita's plan, but decided to go about it anyway.

Yamashita led them inside the building, and immediately the comforting smell of animals filled their nostrils. The place was full and noisy - children ran around, chasing each other; telephones were ringing; parents were talking loudly above the noise; and the constant barks of numerous dogs floated in from outside.

"Can I help you?" a young woman asked, a pretty smile on her round face. Yamashita smiled at her and nodded.

"We're looking for a dog," he said, and she laughed, pointing out that almost everyone was there for one. Yamashita pouted.

"Big one, small one? Black, brown, white? Female? Male?" She asked, as she led them outside. Yamashita gulped, and looked back at Ueda, who just gazed around.

Rows upon rows of cages sat in the afternoon sun, each one presumably housing at least one dog. There were barks and whimpers coming from every direction. A horse whinnied somewhere in the distance, and the two looked up to see that paddocks stretched behind the shelter, where two horses, a donkey and a goat stood chewing grass lazily.

"So, are we looking for a puppy or something bigger?" The woman asked. Yamashita turned to Ueda, but he had disappeared. Yamashita smiled.

"Just leave us to it - we'll find you if we decide on anything," he said. When she had left, he started his search for the smaller man. "Ueda? New best friend? Where are you?"

"I'm over here," a small voice said. It took Yamashita a while before he found Ueda, trailing down the rows of dog cages and peering into every single one.

"Hey," Yamashita said as he reached the other. "Find anything?"

Ueda shook his head. "No... I'm not so sure I want another pet right now..."

"I know," Yamashita said, patting Ueda on the shoulder. "But let's just look around, okay?"

Ueda nodded, and walked along the aisle. Sad little eyes peered out at him from behind steel bars, but he couldn't bring himself to take any of them home. What Ueda really wanted to do was go home and wallow in his own self-pity, but Yamashita wouldn't let him. He supposed that this was a good thing, but he still felt slightly annoyed at it.

Each dog that he passed reminded him of Eri, and he realised that he definately did not want another dog. Maybe later down the track, but not so soon. He wandered around, quickly losing Yamashita who was fawning over the puppies. Ueda let his legs lead him, and he soon found himself standing at the fence of the paddock.

Ueda felt peaceful, looking over the green hills and seeing the horses contentedly chewing. He wondered what their story was - each of the dog cages had signs, explaining their situation. The horses had nothing. Ueda wondered if they were abused; if they were dumped there; if they were born there.

His eye moved over the sleek-looking animals, and onto the little ruffled donkey not so far off. It was cute, in a way. The animal looked oddly disproportionate - ears too big, legs too short, head too big - but it was endearing. He smiled as the donkey looked up at him with it's deep eyes, but was startled by something tugging at his pants.

Ueda looked down, into a pair of large, brown eyes. "Hello," he said, moving slightly so that his jeans were freed from the goat's mouth. It looked at him, cocking it's head and snorting. Ueda laughed, and knelt down, reaching between the fence slats to scratch it's forehead. The goat closed it's eyes, enjoying the sensation. "What's your story?"

"How did you manage to find the strangest creature this place has?" Yamashita asked, as he sat next to Ueda, laughing. Ueda ignored him. "The girl that was with us before said that he was abused," Yamashita said. Ueda looked at him, silently telling him to carry on, as the goat nudged his stilled hand. "The owner just left him in the backyard - didn't feed him, or clean up after him. They left him there and moved to America."

"America?" Ueda asked. He felt sick. "How could they...?"

"Dunno," Yamashita sighed, before standing up.

Ueda watched Yamashita's retreating form for a while before getting to his feet. He smiled at the little goat, who was still watching him intently, and turned to follow the other man. Both he and Yamashita stopped dead, however, when an ear-piercing wail sounded, and they turned to see the goat, standing on his back hooves with his front ones resting against the top fence rail, bleating sadly at them.

Ueda turned slowly to Yamashita, and the other sighed. "Those goddamn doe eyes," Yamashita muttered, before telling Ueda to wait while he went inside. Ueda went and stood near the fence again, stroking the goat's neck and ears, and Yamashita came back soon.

"What was all that about?" Ueda asked. Yamashita smiled widely, and Ueda's heart flipped. He waved some papers at Ueda, and he flinched back. "What?"

"Ueda Tatsuya, you'd better come inside and find a leash for that goat, because we're taking him home."

 

>>><<<

 

"Hey, guys, is that you? Did yo--- holy fuck, is that a goat?" Jin asked, skidding on the kitchen tiles in his socks as he rushed to greet them.

"Yep!" Ueda said proudly, a long red leash in his hands. The goat looked about calmly, watching Jin with those eyes. Jin pulled a face.

"It has creepy eyes! What's wrong with a _poodle_ , Ueda?"

"Ueda's not normal, you know that, Jin," Yamashita explained. Ueda beamed.

"Uh...okay. Just...get that thing outside, will you? I've fixed the gate."

After Eri's death, Jin had shouldered the blame himself. He had scoured the backyard high and low, searching for the possible gap that Eri could have escaped from. With the help of Kamenashi - their previous argument completely vanishing - he had found that the gate to his backyard had rusty hinges, and easily swung open. No-one ever used that gate, and that was the reason why no-one had noticed. Eri had.

"Okay!" Ueda said happily, and lead the goat outside. Once there, Jin turned to Yamashita.

"Did he just _giggle_?"

"Yeah. He's been doing that ever since I bought that goat..."

"Wait. You bought it?"

"Yeah."

"You've got it bad, dude."

"...shut up."

"...there was something amazingly amazing that I was meant to tell you--"

"--and you've forgotten it?"

"Yes."

"Oh, that reminds me - you are officially down to second-best friend."

"What? Why?"

"Because Ueda is more awesome than you."

"He is not!"

"Have you got a pet goat?"

"...no."

>>><<<

 

The 'amazingly amazing' thing that Jin had forgotten was, in fact, the recording of a new single.

Luckily, Nakamaru had called back, and Ueda, being the only one home, was able to answer the phone. The producer wanted them to record two of Ueda's songs, and one of their older ones. It had been a while since their last single, and Nakamaru thought that it was time for a new one.

The band assembled themselves in Jin's shed later that week. Koki was now out of hospital again, and he almost squealed as he saw Ueda's goat standing on top of Eri's old dog house.

" _Is that a goat_?" he cried, as he rushed into the shed. Ueda smiled, and nodded.

"Yamashita bought him for me," he said, as he tuned his guitar.

"What's his name?" Nishikido asked, shuffling through some papers that Jin was passing around.

"Uh..." Ueda looked suddenly uncomfortable, and Nishikido pounced, eyebrow cocked.

"What? What is it? Is it something pervy? Ah, that'd be great! Or - did you let Yamapi name him? That'd be even more embarrassing! Or--"

"Oh, shut it, Ryo - his name is Thumper," Kamenashi snapped. Nishikido's grin widened.

"...Really?" Ueda nodded.

"Guys, come on, we've gotta rehearse," Kato said, shoving past Nishikido. "You're recording next week. I've also booked you guys some more shows - not just at Koyamas. Koki, do you think you'll be alright with that?"

"Eh?"

"Will you be well enough?"

"Oh, yeah, I'll be fine. I've gotta go back in for an operation soon, though," Koki said, making it sound as though it were nothing. The band paused.

"What?" Jin asked.

"They're gonna see if they can cut it out," he explained. "Hopefully they'll get it all."

"Seriously? When were you thinking of telling us?" Kamenashi asked. Koki shrugged.

"The day before his operation, probably," Ueda said, and Koki ducked his head.

"Shut up..."

"Guys! Rehearsing!"

"Oh, Shige, what would we do witho--- seriously, was that the goat?" Nishikido asked. Ueda nodded. "What the fuck is it doing?"

"Trying to climb the fence."

>>><<<

 

They met Nakamaru the week after, ready to record. Junno was there, too, with his headphones over his ears and another sandwich in his hand. He waved at them as they walked in, and quickly set his lunch down.

"Hey, guys!" Junno chirped, "How's it going?"

"Great," Nishikido said. "Ueda has a goat. Do you know how noisy a goat is?"

Junno stared. "A what?"

"Where's Jin?" Kamenashi asked suddenly, looking around. "I thought he was meeting us here?"

Nakamaru shook his head. "No, I told him not to come. We don't need him for this recording."

"But...he was here for the last one," Ueda piped up.

"Yes, but that was the first recording you did. I wanted you all to feel comfortable. However, since it's not necessary to have too many people here at once - and it gets crowded quickly - I decided to tell him not to come," Nakamaru explained. Kamenashi's eyebrows furrowed.

"He's not going to like that," he muttered. He dug around in his pockets, finding his phone, and threw it towards Kato. "Call him. Make sure he hasn't killed anything." At Ueda's panicked glance, he hurried to correct himself. "I-I meant - make sure he hasn't broken anything. Broken."

"O...kay..." Ueda said, and followed Nishikido onto the couch. Yamashita wasn't there either, and he was beginning to feel nervous again.

Kamenashi sat down next to Ueda, and threw an arm around him.

"You know," Kamenashi whispered into Ueda's ear. Ueda jumped back. "The name 'Thumper' doesn't really show Ryo that you're not interested."

"What?"

"I mean... he calls you Bambi. You name your pet Thumper - another character in the movie, if I'm not mistaken. Didn't you see that massive smile on his face after I told him?" Ueda shook his head, and Kamenashi sighed. "For someone who notices a whole lot, you've really got to tune into your own world."

Ueda was shocked. He hadn't thought of that. He had thought that the name suited the goat, that was all. He didn't stop to think once that it might affect Nishikido. Kamenashi gave him a smile, before turning to Koki.

"You wrote this song, didn't you?" Junno asked, spinning around in his chair to look at Ueda, distracting him from his own thoughts. He nodded. "It sounds awesome. Can't wait till you guys play it."

"Thankyou." He never knew how to react to compliments, so he ducked his head. Kamenashi laughed.

"Right, we're gonna go in the same order as last time," Junno said, finishing off his sandwich. "So Tanaka, it's your turn."

 

>>><<<

 

Ueda didn't like recording without Jin there. It felt as though something was off; they were out of balance. Jin was their leader; they felt like they had no direction without him. However, they carried on, for that was all they could do.

Nakamaru had discovered that Ueda had a certain writing style to his lyrics, and could quickly pick whether a song was written by him or not. Ueda had no idea how he managed that, or even when this style had developed, but he was proud, and had a large smile on his face for the rest of the day.

When Ueda had returned home, Jin was dressed in a hoodie and trackpants, sitting on his couch and watching the evening news with a cup of coffee in his hands. He barely looked up as Ueda opened the door.

"How was it?" Jin asked. Ueda tentatively sat down next to him, setting his guitar down.

"Alright. Nakamaru had us change practically the entire bass chords, though," Ueda huffed, sitting deeper in his seat. Jin turned to him.

"Really? But it sounded fine."

"I thought so. But Nakamaru and Kato know what's best, right? They know what kinds of songs people want to hear; what'll sell."

"But that song was awesome the way it was."

"Thanks."

"Did you even approve the changes?" Jin asked, turning back to the television.

"What else was I meant to do? If I had said no, they would have just pushed harder."

"True."

"How's Thumper?" Ueda asked, changing the subject. He still felt a strange pang whenever he spoke of the changes made to his song.

"Ridiculous," Jin answered. Ueda chuckled. Jin smiled softly. "You coming with me tomorrow?"

Ueda nodded. "No-one else is, though."

"Yeah, I know. It's gonna be so boring," said Jin, setting his cup aside.

After a while of just sitting there and watching the news, Ueda found the courage to ask about Jin and Kamenashi's fight.

"Oh, that?" Jin said, rubbing his neck awkwardly. "His father said that he saw me kissing a girl the other night." At Ueda's glance, he added, "I wasn't."

"Why did he react the way he did, then?"

"Eh?"

"I mean...he has a girlfriend, right?" Ueda said, slowly, choosing his words carefully. Jin nodded, his eyes guarded. "Well...why should h--"

"I have no idea. Kame's always been a little unpredictable. Guess that's what I love about him." Jin stood abruptly, taking his cup to the kitchen. Ueda caught a glance, however, at his reddened cheeks, and smiled.

"Tell me again why you and he can't be together?" Ueda asked.

"Well well, we are feeling courageous today, aren't we?" Jin snickered, as he came back into the lounge room. Ueda waited patiently as he settled back onto the couch. "It hurts, being with him. But there's some part of me that can't let go. I guess that's why I flipped out that time I saw him with that girl... I feel threatened by girls. I can't explain it, but I do. I mean, why would he want me if he can have that, y'know?" Jin sighed. "Ah well, enough about that - do you want pizza for dinner?"

 

>>><<<

 

The next day, Jin drove Ueda to the recording studio. It was awkwardly quiet in both the car and the recording booth, waiting for their turn - they were lacking three members and Yamashita. It was unsettling, without their jokes and incessant mutterings.

Junno greeted them with the usual smile, which they returned. Jin was told to go directly into the booth, and Ueda realised then that he would be alone with Junno.

Junno paid him no attention, however - all of his focus was directed onto Jin and the buttons and knobs infront of him. He knew exactly what he was doing.

"How do you know how to do that?" Ueda asked.

Junno smiled, but continued as he was as he spoke. "Practice. Hold on."

Ueda nodded, and waited. Jin finished the song, and came back into the room, a grimace on his face. "I stuffed up, didn't I?" he asked, and Junno laughed, but nodded. "Can I pee before I go back in?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

Jin rushed out of the room, and Junno beckoned Ueda over. He explained what each button and lever and knob was for, and how to use it. Ueda tried to keep track of them all, but it was impossible. He must have said so, for Junno laughed again.

"Nah, I'm used to it. Oh, hey, Nakamaru," he said, as the other came in. Ueda bowed his head.

"Hello. Is Jin here?"

"Nope. Went to the bathroom."

"Okay, thanks."

Nakamaru was gone after that, and Ueda and Junno exchanged glances. Junno shrugged, before turning back to his work. "None of my business," he muttered.

Jin came back soon after, and finished recording. Ueda was next, and he finished it quickly - he knew all the words, the rhythm, the tune. It was his song.

On the way home, Jin said that he knew nothing of Nakamaru searching for him.

He soon would, and grow to hate the man who gave them a chance.

 

>>><<<

 

Ueda came home from Kamenashi's store one night, tired and sore from standing for so long. There were only three things on his mind the moment he opened the front door - I hope Jin remembered to feed Thumper; Why isn't my bed closer to the door; and

What on Earth is that noise?

'That noise' turned out to be Jin.

"Shi-- Jin, are you okay?" Ueda practically yelled, leaping into the living room and crouching next to Jin. Jin was kneeling on the floor, head bent. His telephone lay next to him, still beeping. Ueda turned it off before slowly putting a hand on the others' shoulder. "What's wrong?"

He heard a sigh from the other, and he looked up. "Nakamaru rang."

"Yeah?"

"He said that he wanted us to have a specific 'look' to us," he said, wiping his eyes. Ueda just watched him. He didn't know what to do, but something told him to put his arm around the other. "I'm apparently the 'aloof' type - he said it sends girls wild. I don't give a fuck. But then he said that because I was the leader, and the lead singer, that I had to be the most sensual - the most sexual. Because, you know, rock is about sex, apparently. Stuff the music." Ueda's eyebrows knitted together. The tone Jin was now using was bittersweet, sarcastic. "He practically told me to forget about Kame."

"What?"

"He said, 'I want your image to be one that girls everywhere will love. So that means no guys' - apparently Shige said something about me and Kame, and he said that I wasn't to have a relationship with him. Do you know how much that _hurts_? This is the second time he's been ripped from me and I just--- I can't take it," Jin said, cringing.

Ueda couldn't believe that Nakamaru would say something like that to Jin. It was disgusting, to say the least. "What did you say to him?"

"I told him to fuck off. Numerous times. But he just kept talking."

"Have you told Kamenashi?"

"Not yet. I will, though." A pause. "What's happening with all of us, little Ueda?" he sighed.

　

\--end of chapter 13

　


	14. Tomorrow's Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ueda Tatsuya was nothing. Nothing, until Yamashita Tomohisa helped him fit in. He found him a band; he found him friends. This is the story of their rise to the top - the music, the troubles faced, the bonds formed.

The filming of _Le Ciel_ 's music video was vastly different to their first one. They were told to leave their instruments at home, which Nishikido did not listen to and brought his guitar anyway. The sharp-nosed director let them look over roughly-painted storyboards - they enjoyed the simplistic artwork, but didn't really have a clue about what the man wanted them to do with the information given.

And then they were back in hair and makeup. Ueda sighed as he sat next to Kamenashi and the wall. He glanced over to his side. Kamenashi was acting as he usually did, though with large black sunglasses hiding his eyes. Through the wide mirror infront of him, Ueda could see Jin throwing him worried glances. But it wasn't just Jin - everyone was worried. Even Koki, who had more important things to focus on, had his hand resting on Kamenashi's shoulder, which he had just shrugged off. He didn't let anyone see how Nakamaru's news had made him feel, but Ueda knew that behind those sunglasses were large bags under his eyes.

The makeup artists came in, then, and Ueda could only breathe out a sigh of relief as he saw that the one assigned to him was male, and definately not the girl who had poked at his eyes. He saw Kamenashi's lips twitch into a small smile, and relief flooded through him. He smiled back.

However, as the man rummaged through his bags and produced scissors, his smile faded quite quickly.

"What're you doing?" Ueda asked, looking up at him. He matched Ueda's gaze with a much more powerful one.

"Cutting your hair." Even Kato turned to look at him, a little increduously.

"Sorry?"

"You have terrible split ends," the man explained, moving closer. "I have to cut at least five centimentres off."

"....what? Who told you you could do that?" Kamenashi asked suddenly. The man looked at him.

"No-one. I'm meant to make him look presentable - which he clearly is not," he said. Ueda was starting to wish the girl from before was back.

"But--"

"Oh, whatever," Ueda said. "It's just hair. It'll grow back."

Ueda focused on the frame of the mirror infront of him, trying to ignore the metallic sounds of the scissors slicing through the ends of his hair. It wasn't as if he was attached to his hair. He was just unsure as to whether it was right to allow someone else dictate whether or not his hair was 'right' enough for them, without even asking him first.

Maybe this was how Kamenashi felt. Someone else telling him how he should be; what he should feel. As long pieces of copper hair fell to the floor, he watched them out of the corner of his eye, feeling some strange emotion that he couldn't quite place.

Once the man was done, Ueda was left with hair that fell around his face, framing it, and he instantly missed the long curls that would sit upon his shoulders and neck. He sighed, and with his jaw clenched, allowed the man to do his makeup.

 

>>><<<

 

"What the heck is this?"

"It's a guitar, Nishikido," the director said dryly.

"I can see that. What did you do to it?" Nishikido asked, turning the battered instrument over in his hands. The guitar was very much broken - strings had snapped and curled upon themselves; the laquer on most of it's surface had been scratched off, baring the wood underneath; and a large chunk was taken out of it's body.

"It's stylized," was the director's answer, before he told them to get ready and stand where he wanted them to.

Koki grimaced as he saw the drum kit he was meant to use. "There're holes all through it," he mumbled. "How am I meant to look as though I'm actually playing it?"

Ueda laughed quietly, before holding up his own instrument. "You're not the only one."

The guitar that the prop department had given him looked as though it used to be a deep red colour, but had faded considerably. It was scratched, broken, and missing every string except one. The fretboard itself had pieces missing, too - there was a thick, grey tape holding the fretboard together.

Kamenashi's bass didn't fare any better, judging by the way he was now attempting to hold it without it falling apart. Jin's microphone - as well as Ueda's own - was old-fashioned, but the metal had come apart and the inner workings of the microphone was visible.

The director yelled out that they were going to start, and they positioned themselves as best they could, with the help of some staff, who had to help Nishikido set the guitar strap over his shoulders gingerly.

Their first take was terrible. None of them knew how much the destroyed instruments could take, and as such, they were being overly gentle with them. The director did not hesitate to tell them, either, reminding them that time was money and they could not afford to do more takes than they had to.

Ueda took a deep breath, and focused on the mangled guitar in his hands. He knew guitars; he knew how to hold them, knew how they worked. This was no different, he supposed. The prop staff wouldn't have given him this guitar if it was going to desintegrate in his hands.

He ran his fingers over the tape holding the guitar together, and then wrapped his hand around it. He would be ready for the next take.

It seemed as though the others had similar thoughts, too, as the director didn't have anything to say to them - nice or otherwise. They had one more take, and Ueda still couldn't get used to the feeling of a guitar without strings. However, as they checked the footage over, Ueda could see the concept behind it; everything was run-down and broken, and the cameras really focused in on that, on their frayed edges and their splintered wood. It actually looked incredibly good.

"So, if you're happy with that, we'll move onto the next scene," the director said, and the band nodded. "Go and stand where you were before. We're going to sprinkle water on you, and so just play through the fake rain, alright?"

"We're gonna get wet?" Nishikido asked.

"Yes."

"....I really should have brought a change of clothes, then."

"Most probably."

Ignoring Nishikido's grumbles, the rest of the band took their places once again. As Ueda waited for the water to come - he could see people moving about above them, carrying hoses and shouting to each other - he wondered what Yamashita was doing. He hadn't seen the other in a week or so, and he missed his presence.

He wondered if he and Yamashita could have what Kamenashi and Jin used to. Watching them now, he could see how much the two cared about each other - there was a certain look in their eyes when they even so much as glanced at the other. Ueda wondered if whether their relationship would turn out like theirs - would they be accepted? Ueda shook his head as he realised he was getting ahead of himself. He doubted that Yamashita saw him in the same light that he saw the other.

The rain came, then. Even artificial rain was beautiful, Ueda mused, as he gazed up at it, feeling melancholy suddenly. He had always loved the rain. There was something so pure and extraordinary about water falling from the sky.

Music started playing and he supposed that he should start playing, too.

>>><<<

 

Koyama's bar was packed full that night, and there was a line outside, too. Ueda apologised to him, but Koyama had just laughed that laugh of his and waved his apology away. Ueda had grown to like the man - he had this way of making him feel immediately comfortable, and always helped with drawing the band back together, if they had had a fight. Fights within the band were rare, but the occasional drunken fight would break out between Nishikido and Jin, who really only threw spiky comments at each other.

Ueda loved the Friday nights at Koyama's little bar. It hadn't changed the entire time he had been with _Le Ciel_ , and he was glad of it. He loved the charm of the place, with it's wooden finishes and awkward angles. He preferred it greatly to some of the other bars they had played at - all pristine and white and fake. There was something earthy about Koyama, and his bar, that made him love the place even more.

Ueda also loved playing there because there was only one person in the crowd that he was playing for. Yamashita would come to every gig they held, and always sat at the bar, second stool from the wall, and cradled a glass full of what Ueda assumed was alcohol as they played.

Ueda wasn't sure who he was playing for anymore - himself or Yamashita. He felt some sort of obligation to play well for the other, because he had given him this incredible chance to _do_ something with his life, rather than sit against a brick wall and play to strangers who couldn't care less.

Now someone was listening to him - to them. These people, this crowd, were listening to their music. It was a great feeling, and they loved it.

　

>>><<<

 

　

Yamashita stared. He was sure Ueda's hair had been longer the last time he saw him. "Ueda, did you--"

"Cut my hair? Yes and no," he replied, moving about the shed, helping to set Koki's drums back up.

"Care to explain?" Yamashita asked, grabbing a drum and removing it from it's case.

Ueda sighed. "The man who did my hair for the music video made me. He said something about split ends - I don't really care."

"Did you agree to that?"

"Not really, but he wasn't going to let me go. It's fine, really, Yamashita," Ueda said, flashing him a small smile.

"Right..." Yamashita knew that something was wrong - he could tell by the set of Ueda's shoulders. He wanted to ask if it was about Koki, but stopped himself just in time. "Stop. What's the matter?"

Ueda paused, looking at his feet. "I don't like being told what to do." Yamashita started to laugh, but stopped abruptly when Ueda _glared_ at him. "I don't mean that in a rebellious kind of way. I mean... I don't like being ordered around. I don't like being told that the songs I write aren't good, and that I should write better ones. I don't like being told how I should feel about things. That's all."

Yamashita nodded slowly. "Makes sense," he said eventually.

"Oh!" Ueda exclaimed suddenly, making Yamashita jump slightly. "Sorry."

"No problem," Yamashita said, hand still over his heart in an attempt to slow it down. "What's up?"

"Kato bought me a phone," he said, rummaging around in his back pocket to produce the device. "I'll pay him back eventually, but it's already been so troublesome..."

"Really? What's your number?" Yamashita asked, his own phone in his hands already. Ueda cocked his head.

"No idea. I can barely even figure out how to turn the thing _on_ ," he complained, staring at it's sleek black surface. Yamashita laughed at his expression, and moved around to him.

"Here, I'll help." Yamashita took the phone from the other, flipping it open in one swift move, then holding down a button. "See here? You keep that pressed down until the screen comes o-- hey, you've got a text."

"Seriously? But only Kato knows my number."

"It's from Shige."

"Well, that figures."

Yamashita let out a short laugh, but told him how to view the message. His heart leapt a bit as he turned his head to the side and found Ueda's face much closer than it had been a few minutes ago. "Uh..."

"Oh, sorry," Ueda said quickly, jumping back. Yamashita let out the breath he didn't know he'd been holding. "I-- I couldn't see the screen...."

Ueda's heart was beating against his chest in nervousness. As cliched as it sounded, it had felt as though time had paused, just for a second.

"N-no problem," Yamashita said, clearing his throat and attempting to calm down his fluttering insides. "Uh, should I read it?" When Ueda nodded, he continued, "It says that none of you are needed for the album artwork - I suppose they’ll have a shot of the instruments or something, they were pretty cool - and that the single will be released in around November." Ueda nodded. "Here, I’ll put my number in here, too, just in case."

Yamashita was somehow a little disappointed that his name wasn’t the first to be typed into Ueda’s new phone. He laughed suddenly, and Ueda’s ears perked up.

"What’s so funny?"

"Shige wrote his name in here as ‘Shige’."

"Oh. Can you change that to Kato, please?"

Yamashita laughed harder. "Poor Shige. All he wants is for you to call him by his nickname."

Ueda didn’t understand what was so funny.

>>><<<

 

Kato had called the band together a few weeks later, and they bundled into Jin’s lounge room once again, to watch their music video.

Koki walked in, this time with a thin black beanie rammed onto his head, and with a paper plate in his hands. "Oi, you guys have to eat these," he said, before placing them onto the coffee table and sitting on the floor infront of Ueda's feet.

"Why?" Kamenashi asked, sprawled in front of the television.

"Because my little brother made them."

They were oddly misshapen, but Ueda took the one offered to him with a smile at Koki. He carefully nibbled at the corner of it, and was surprised at how good it actually tasted.

"This is really nice," Ueda said, patting Koki's head.

Koki laughed. "Of course they are. My little brother is amazing."

"Did Juri bake something again?" Yamashita asked, from the hallway.

"Yeah - hurry, Jin's coming."

Ueda laughed as Yamashita practically skidded around the corner, bumping into the couch before pitching forward and swiping a cookie off the plate Koki held out with a smile. Yamashita cried out triumphantly as Jin walked in, carrying glasses. Nishikido followed, with a flask of milk.

"I know you have an extra stash in your car, Koki," was all Jin said before sitting next to Ueda on the couch and setting the glasses on the table.

Koki mumbled something, but went off to bring the rest of the cookies in. Jin poured a glass of milk for everyone, and Ueda took his carefully, not wanting to spill it anywhere. Koki walked back in, followed by Kato who looked ruffled.

"What's up?" Jin asked, passing a glass to Koki.

"It's windy out there," Kato said, attempting to flatten his flyaway hair. Nishikido laughed. "Cookies and milk. Seriously, guys?"

"What?" Koki asked innocently. "My brother is an amazing cook. And you can't have cookies without milk."

"Yes, but... we're going to sit here, watching your music video, a _rock_ video, whilst you all drink milk?"

"...yes. We don't always need beer."

"You guys are so lame."

Whilst Yamashita laughed next to him and Koki mock-punched Kato, Ueda saw out of the corner of his eye Jin pass a glass to Nishikido, who looked puzzled for a second, before passing it onto Kamenashi. Jin turned back, and when he saw that Ueda was watching him, gave him a small smile before settling back into the couch with his eyes firmly on the television screen.

It was all an act, Ueda knew, and it saddened him to see Kamenashi and Jin so distant towards each other. After they had gone through so much, and have the other taken away yet again, it must hurt.

Ueda was roused from his thoughts as Yamashita pinched his thigh, and he whipped around. "What?" he asked, eyes wide as he rubbed his leg.

"They've just introduced you guys. You're going to be on soon," Yamashita explained, gesturing towards the television. "Here," he said, passing Ueda some cookies. "I saved them for you. You like spacing out, don't you?" Ueda nodded, and took them from him.

"Thanks," Ueda said, an turned to look at the screen.

 

>>><<<

 

They didn't know how it happened, but their song was a hit.

The first indication was Kato's slightly creepy smile whenever they would turn up for practice. Another was the extra-long line at Koyama's bar. Another was the fact that Kato made them play two gigs a week.

The biggest one of all, though, was having their song on the radio.

They were being driven to Koyama's bar for yet another show. Kato always listened to the radio, but this time he changed the station, turning the music up loud until the song came on. The band in the back of the van froze, before astonished looks turned into ones of happiness.

Ueda had just heard his own voice on the radio. There was nothing like it, he thought, as he listened to Nishikido's guitar solo. It was an amazing feeling, to sit there and know that many other people were listening to the same thing he was.

They sold around fifty thousand copies on the first day of their single being released.

From there, it was a blur.

There were magazine photoshoots and interviews and live performances and appearances on television and Ueda didn't know how he survived those.

At first, it was okay - they found it endearing. But after a month, it was tiring. They had sold thousands upon thousands of copies by now, and it made them feel ecstatic. The television shows were the worst, Ueda decided. The cameras he didn't mind; what he hated were the interviews afterwards, where all they wanted to know was what Jin ate for breakfast that day and why Nishikido had to jump around like that when he was playing.

The only thing that kept him grounded were Yamashita's occasional texts. Usually they were simple - "Good luck" - but sometimes he would take a photograph of himself at his desk, pulling a face. Ueda laughed.

"Thankyou," he would write back. Always.

 

>>><<<

 

Ueda wrote song upon song upon song for their next single. Nakamaru accepted two, but due to time constraints, they had to choose one from another composer. Ueda hated the song, but accepted it anyway, as they didn't have enough time for them to be worrying about one member's unsatisfaction.

They learned the new songs and recorded it in almost two weeks.

The music video was simpler than the last one, but they had periods of time without their instruments. Ueda felt incredibly vulnerable, but pressed on, drawing strength from the mass amounts of supportive texts in his phone.

They had been poked and prodded that day, both physically and emotionally, and they were tiring very quickly. The makeup artists were suddenly very interested in their private lives, but with a look from Kato they shut up, and went about their business.

"Okay, guys, I want you to just dance here," the director said, and they all looked at each other.

"You do remember we're a rock band, right?" Jin asked.

"Milk and cookies!" Kato shouted from the side, and Jin threw him a glare.

"We don't dance."

"I meant...just move your bodies to the beat. Have some fun."

That was acceptable, Jin had said, and they were moved to a large space, where they were told to just do whatever they wanted. The music started, and they moved about. Koki ended up singing to Kamenashi dramatically, whilst Ueda looked like a lost child as Nishikido spun around in circles.

"Cut! Guys, I told you to _dance_. Not be idiots," the director said.

"You told us to have fun. That's what we were doing."

"Yes, but... okay, new tactic. Akanishi, Ueda - I want the two of you to dance together," the director said.

Jin and Ueda looked at each other. "Why?" Jin asked.

"Because I want you to."

Ueda and Jin walked to each other, feeling increasingly uncomfortable. "Like this?" Jin asked, moving over.

The director shook his head, and sighed when the two had no idea what they were doing. He leapt out of his chair and moved over to them, grabbing Ueda around the waist and practically throwing him onto Jin. Luckily, Jin caught the smaller boy before he could collide with him.

"Now. _Dance_."

Ueda looked up at Jin, whose face was too close. His hands were wrapped around his waist. Nishikido coughed, somewhere in the background.

"What do we do?" Ueda whispered, before the music started.

"Come on, you two, roll your bodies together - it's called _fanservice_ , learn it!" the director barked, and they flinched, before Jin sighed and started to feel the music.

Ueda was sweating nervously - this wasn't right. He was a musician, not a dancer on display for everyone to see. Jin gave him a warning look before he pressed their bodies together, moving his hips in time to the music. Ueda didn't know where to look; what to do. With Jin's body firmly up against his own, all he really could do was go with it - he copied what Jin was doing, and he could see the camera zoom in and around them. The director smirked, satisfied with their work.

As soon as the music paused and he told them to stop, Ueda sprung away from Jin, staring at the floor, humiliated. Jin walked up to the director, and said in a low voice, "This is not what we're about."

The director just waved his comment away. "Sex sells. That's all there is to it."

Jin growled, but let it go, knowing that he wouldn't get anywhere. He looked at Ueda, apologetically, but Ueda just gave him a small smile. He knew that Jin was only doing as he was told.

"Kato Shigeaki! What the hell was that?!" Nishikido yelled, and Kato only threw his hands up.

"What can I do?"

"Stop him!"

"Why? He's right, and you know it." Nishikido fell silent, and settled for glaring at the taller man. "Stop that. You're not fooling anyone."

"Kame? Kame, come back!" Koki yelled suddenly, and Ueda turned just in time to see one of the doors close behind Kamenashi's back. "Great," he muttered, before fixing his beanie and following him.

"That's a wrap, guys," the director said, clapping Ueda on the back and ignoring the glare from him. "Thanks."

"No problem," Nishikido said through gritted teeth. The director just flashed a smile and moved off to order some more people around.

"Sorry, Ueda..." Kato started, but Ueda just shook his head, and walked over to Jin who was looking down.

"Go talk to him," Ueda said, nudging his side. Jin looked up.

"Huh?"

"Kamenashi," he murmured, as Koki came back out of the room.

"I can't," Jin muttered, leaning closer and glancing over at Kato, who was busy talking to Nishikido. "Shige's right here."

"So? Please go. Please."

Jin looked at him, and Ueda pushed him slightly. The other sighed, and turned around, soon disappearing behind the door Kamenashi had before.

"Ueda? Where did Jin go?"

"Just to the toilet, Kato."

>>><<<

 

Ueda's phone buzzed incessantly whilst he was sitting in the backyard with Thumper a few months later.

When he eventually picked it up, he heard Kato's slightly fuzzy voice coming out of the end of it.

"What took you so long?" was how Kato started.

"I still can't seem to get the hang of this thing..." Ueda answered. Kato laughed.

"Anyway, I have news."

"News?"

"...yes. Nakamaru wants you guys to release an album--"

" _A what?_ "

"Stop your screeching - you're starting to sound like Kame," Kato said.

"Sorry. But - what?"

"An album. Which would be an awesome thing for you guys. Nakamaru wants you to write most of the songs, too, by the way."

"Really?" Ueda asked, excitement slowly fading.

"Yeah. What's the matter?"

"He just...doesn't seem to like my songs much."

"He does. He just wants you to improve."

Ueda didn't believe the other one bit, but he thanked him before hanging up.

 

>>><<<

 

Jin held a party that weekend, to both celebrate the news of an album and to wish Koki luck. Koki was scheduled to be admitted into hospital that week, for an operation to remove his cancer, and they all hoped for him to get better.

The next few months would be busy with writing songs and recording, so they had to celebrate their free time now. Jin happily passed a can of beer to Kato with a smirk.

"See? Not always cookies and milk."

Ueda had had two drinks by the time Yamashita came through the door, with Junno in tow. Yamashita found Jin straight away, and nodded to him. Jin's eyebrows shot up in surprise as he saw the taller man, but smiled easily at him before rushing off to get him a drink.

"Ah, there's our Ueda," Yamashita said, glancing at Ueda who was sitting in Jin's couch.

"Hi," he said, and shuffled over so that Yamashita could perch himself on the armrest. "Haven't seen you in a while."

"Been busy. So have you, I see. Don't think I didn't see that billboard in the city." Ueda laughed, and shook his head.

"Ah, it's embarrassing! It's so massive..."

Yamashita let out a short laugh, and the two sat in silence for a while, watching the rest of the rather loud party take place. Ueda smiled at Kamenashi who had led a slightly worried Junno into the middle of the room and started dancing with him. Kamenashi laughed and grabbed his arms, forcing him to move in time to the music. Jin smiled, and walked over, leading a struggling Kato over next to them and made him dance.

"So how's being famous treating you?" Yamashita asked, and the other turned his head to look at him. He shrugged.

"Nothing has really changed..."

"Oh really? So it's completely normal to be in magazines?"

Ueda chuckled. "It's not too bad, actually," he said, sipping at his drink. "I mean, all we have to do is stand there." Yamashita nodded. "I can do that, Yamapi."

"Ah, we're drunk, are we?"

"...maybe," Ueda muttered, looking down at what was possibly his fourth can of beer. "Do you think they're really having fun?" he asked, gesturing to the people dancing. "Or are they just pretending?"

Yamashita shot him a look. "I don't know," he answered. "I can't tell you what they're feeling. But I think that everyone pretends; everyone is hiding something. Right now, I think that they're just letting everything loose - they're just having fun." Yamashita cast his eye over his friends, who were dancing around the room. "They don't have to impress anyone."

"Jin and Kamenashi are still avoiding each other, though."

"Maybe. But do those smiles seem fake to you?" Yamashita asked, and Ueda looked at the bright smile of Jin as he twirled Koki around, and at Kamenashi's happy face as he breathlessly held onto the wall, exhausted. He shook his head. "Why?"

"Sometimes I think that people are just playing with us."

"I don't know about that, but I do know that I would never let anything happen," Yamashita said, and Ueda looked up at him with those wide eyes, silently thanking him.

The party ended at a little past midnight.

One of the last people to leave was Koki. He gave Jin a hug before turning to Ueda, who quickly rushed into his embrace, resting his cheek on the others' shoulder. It would be the last time they saw him before he was admitted into hospital.

"Good luck," he said. Koki chuckled.

"Thanks, little Ueda. I'll try my best."

　

\--end of chapter 14


	15. Tomorrow's Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ueda Tatsuya was nothing. Nothing, until Yamashita Tomohisa helped him fit in. He found him a band; he found him friends. This is the story of their rise to the top - the music, the troubles faced, the bonds formed.

Ueda sat outside his shed, leaning against the wall with a book lying next to him and a guitar in his lap. Thumper bleated happily from atop the dog house, sporting Eri's old collar. He smiled, and continued strumming his guitar. Peaceful times like these were rare nowadays - they were being bustled around all the time, but today, he was writing a song.

This time, he wasn't writing a song because Nakamaru told him to. He was writing a song because he wanted to.

He sat there, plucking at his guitar strings, as Jin slid open the backdoor and poked his head out.

"Hey," he said, a wide grin on his face. "Guess what?"

"What?" Ueda asked, setting his guitar down.

"Guess who's coming out of hospital tomorrow?"

"Koki?!" Ueda practically squealed, leaping up.

Jin laughed. "Yeah. How awesome is that? We get our drummer back," he said. Le Ciel had been using a drummer Nakamaru and Kato had found for them, to record some of the songs. They liked the guy, sure, but he was no Koki, and everyone could hear the difference in the songs.

"Has the cancer been cut out?" Ueda asked.

"Yeah, but they're waiting for the results," Jin answered, before offering to make lunch. Ueda shook his head violently, before almost throwing his guitar and books into the shed and rushing inside.

"My cooking is not that bad! I can make a sandwich!" Jin complained, following the other into the kitchen.

"No, you can't," Ueda said, bustling around the kitchen with a large smile on his face. There was this sense of relief which had washed over him, leaving him feeling simply happy. There were no other words for it - he was completely and utterly happy at that time, knowing that his friend was on his way to recovery.

 

>>><<<

 

The album was taking shape, forming into something that they knew they could be proud of. It was taking so much out of them; they were either constantly in the studio, recording or practicing or writing, or sleeping off the night before at a gig.

Koyama's bar was too small for them now. They had been moved to larger venues, but Yamashita would still sit at the bar, watching them with a drink in his hand. The move was scary, but they had quickly adapted to it.

Out of every five songs Ueda wrote, Nakamaru would take one for the album. It was frustrating and upsetting, but Koki would always look over at him and give him a reassuring smile, and Ueda realised that he shouldn't be complaining over something so trivial. Koki wasn't complaining - he had every reason to - but he faced them all with one of his smiles, and carried on.

Junno had quickly wormed his way into their group, joining them at lunch breaks and flashing them his bright smile. Ueda liked his company - he was quiet, but lifted their spirits when they needed it. It seemed as though he really only wanted their company, because all he would do is sit there calmly as he ate, and then leave, throwing them a smile and a wave as the door shut behind him. Ueda liked the fact that the other seemed so comfortable with himself to be able do that.

So Ueda scribbled notes into his worn notepad, as Jin muttered lyrics to himself and Junno chewed in the corner. Nakamaru had asked Jin to write some songs, too, for some variation. Ueda refused to let himself feel upset about that piece of information.

Nishikido and Kamenashi were off getting the others lunch, from who-knows-where. Ueda would have been worried, were it not for Kamenashi, who he knew had better taste than Nishikido.

"Have a break, Ueda," Koki spoke up, lying on the bench in the recording studio. "You're gonna collapse from exhaustion."

"I'll be alright," he said. "I just need to finish this part..."

Junno leaned over and snapped his notebook shut with a smile. "Come on, Ueda. Overworking yourself isn't going to work."

Ueda grumbled, but settled back in his chair, putting his guitar down finally and resting his fingers, which had started to feel numb after pressing down the strings for so long. He sighed. "What am I going to do, then?"

"I don't know. Pretend to be a frog. Just _stop writing_ ," said Koki, covering his eyes with an arm.

"Fine," Ueda answered. They sat in silence for a while, Junno's chewing being the only sound in the room. Ueda eventually snapped, and brought his guitar back into his lap.

"Ueda Tatsuya, if you start--"

"Oh shush Koki, I'm not working," Ueda muttered, before sitting his fingers upon the strings once again. He lazily plucked at them, hands forming the chords without even thinking about them.

This was the song he played for Yamashita. It was the song he used to play, sitting against that cold brick wall for people's small change, before Yamashita had asked him if he wanted a coffee. It was a song that let him be himself.

"Woah, that's pretty," Junno murmured. Koki shushed him as he reached for his phone, which was beeping incessantly, and rushed out of the room.

When Ueda had finished the song, he looked up at the suddenly full room. "...what?" he asked.

The others had returned from fetching lunch, and set it upon the table. "You know," Kamenashi started, "Everytime I hear that song I love it more and more."

Ueda ducked his head. "Thanks."

"Is it yours?" Another voice suddenly asked. Nakamaru had walked in with Koki, and the others looked up.

"Uh...yeah."

"I like it. Can we use it for the album?"

Ueda didn't know what to feel. On one hand, it would be fantastic to record this song - he loved it, loved singing it - but on the other hand, he didn't know what Nakamaru would want to do with it. However, before he could say his opinion, Nakamaru was nodding at him and the others and leaving again, telling him to email them the lyrics and music.

Nishikido looked over the contents of his lunch at him. "You okay, Bambi?" he asked. Ueda nodded.

"Did Nakamaru even wait for an answer?" he thought to himself, but he must have said it aloud, for Nishikido shook his head.

"What Nakamaru wants, Nakamaru will get," Junno said softly.

"We've figured that one out already," Jin said, sighing and stacking his papers before putting them back into his bag. "Too many words to remember all at once," he complained.

 

>>><<<

 

Kato had decided that it would be a good idea to show _Le Ciel's_ fans their process in recording. The camera crew arrived early one morning at the studio, interrupting the band as they tuned their guitars and learnt their lyrics.

The camera loved Jin. Perhaps it was because of the fact that he was the lead singer, and therefore automatically the leader of the band, but they never knew for sure.

Koki had just finished drumming his part to a new song, and the camera turned to Ueda.

"Ueda, this is your song, right?" the interviewer asked. Ueda nodded. "How do you feel when it's being recorded?"

 _Think of something interesting to say._ "Good." _What the heck?_

The interviewer looked at him.

"I mean - I write the songs - Koki helps with the drum and bass parts. It's a strange feeling, having someone else sing the song that you wrote... but it's a good sort of feeling," Ueda added, and the interviewer nodded at both he and the cameraman.

"Ueda, it's your turn!" Junno called out, saving him from another question. "Good lu--"

"Excuse me, Taguchi, but do you mind? We're trying to film Tanaka now, and all we can hear is your voice."

Junno's face fell. "Oh, right, sorry."

Ueda felt sorry for the other, and patted him on the back before going into the room, whispering a 'thankyou' to him as he went past. Junno just shot him a small smile before rolling his eyes and waiting for Ueda to take position. Ueda laughed.

He noticed halfway through recording that the camera had turned to him as he played, and he fumbled, his fingers slipping on the fretboard of his guitar. He stopped, and Junno grimaced at him. He waited a while before Junno gave him the okay, and started again, feeling terrible. Ueda barely ever made a mistake when they were recording - they were his own songs, and he didn't want to hold the others up at all.

"Sorry," he said, as he came out of the studio. Junno just shook his head, telling him not to worry. He flopped down next to Kamenashi, who smiled at him before turning to the camera crew and pulling a face.

By the end of the day, Jin was practically pulling his hair out. He was still trying to learn the lyrics of the three remaining songs, but the camera was not getting out of his face. It took Koki to backflip in the middle of the cramped space to lure the camera off him, but it flicked back straightaway. Jin sighed, but carried on as professionally as he could. Ueda wasn't sure how much more the other could take without snapping.

When they had finished working, the camera crew took five more minutes of their time to ask how they thought the recording went, what they thought of the album, and why they loved music.

Ueda didn't know how to answer that last one. What did he love about music? He loved playing it, loved feeling it, loved hearing it. But how could he explain it?

"I..." he started. "I don't know," he said, honestly. The interviewer frowned. "How are you meant to describe _why_ you like something? All I know is that I love making music and hearing it, but I can't tell you exactly why. I'm sorry, but that will have to do," he said, before bowing slightly to them and leaving.

"Heh, nice one, Bambi," Nishikido said, and Koki slung an arm around his shoulders.

 

>>><<<

 

Yamashita, much to Ueda's surprise, turned up weeks later as Jin and he were recording the vocals to some of their songs. Jin leapt up and embraced him immediately, but Ueda hung back, not sure what to do after not seeing the other for so long. Yamashita smiled at him, sending a strange yet familiar feeling down his spine, and he smiled back. Jin rolled his eyes to Junno, who just grinned. Neither Yamashita nor Ueda saw this.

"So, what're you up to?" Yamashita asked, sitting down and stealing Jin's sandwich.

"We should be finished at least four songs today," Junno answered. "All of which the amazing Ueda Tatsuya wrote himself."

Ueda laughed. "Really?" Yamashita said, turning to the other. "Did you write all the songs?"

"No, only some--"

"--most of them," Jin interrupted, sighing. "Seriously, Ueda, there are like two songs that you didn't write, and even then you wanted to compose the music."

"Shut up," Ueda said playfully, and walked into the booth to record. Junno flashed the other two a smile before focusing his attention on the redhead.

As Ueda sang, Yamashita turned to Jin. "How is everything?" he asked. Jin shrugged.

"Same as always. Wake up, come here, read some stuff, sing, stare at Kame, read some more," he answered, staring at the piece of paper in front of him. "I know this is what we wanted and all...but is it? Is fame all that great, Pi?"

Yamashita shrugged. "How am I supposed to know?" Jin sighed.

"Nevermind."

Ueda came out of the recording booth, and smiled breathlessly at them. They returned the smiles, and Jin chuckled slightly before flipping through his notes again. Junno fiddled with a few more buttons before he whirled around on his chair, and asked, "Do you guys wanna hear it? Just to see if your happy with it."

They nodded, Yamashita eager to hear the song. Junno pressed yet another button, and the music started flowing out of the speakers. The song itself had a strong beat, courtesy of Koki, and the guitar riffs were fantastic.

But there was something off.

Yamashita sat there, listening to the song and fidgeting with the hem of his shirt uncomfortably. He didn't know what it was, but it was there, a nagging feeling in the back of his brain. There was something wrong with the song.

Once it finished, Junno started the song they had recorded before that, just for Yamashita - the other two had already checked it over beforehand. This one started with Kamenashi's bass - a long, solo bass part as Jin sang, before Koki brought his drums in and Ueda and Nishikido followed. Yamashita scratched the back of his head. This one had it, too; this feeling. What was it?

Jin and Ueda couldn't sense it, apparently. Neither could Junno, as he clapped and congratulated them. Yamashita was so wrapped up with trying to decipher the songs, that he barely noticed Jin waving a hand infront of his face.

"What?" Yamashita snapped, and Jin jumped back.

"Sorry, grumpy-pants - you were spacing out. You don't do that usually," Jin said. "You okay? Did you like the songs?"

"Ah, y-yeah," he said, looking at Junno, whose eyebrows furrowed, clearly asking, 'Why aren't you looking at the people who are talking to you?'

"Yamashita?" Ueda asked softly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong. I've gotta go," he said, picking up his bag before leaving abruptly.

Junno shrugged before moving back to his work. Jin and Ueda looked at each other.

What was all of that about?

>>><<<

 

That night, as Yamashita lay staring at his ceiling, he realised what was wrong.

>>><<<

 

Ueda was carefully re-reading through the lyrics to a song the following day, sitting in the small room off the recording booth. Junno was already there, but he gave up trying to strike up a conversation quickly, and started with his work.

The song Ueda was reading wasn't any old song, it was his song.

The song that Ueda usually played flawlessly was hard to grasp at this moment. He kept forgetting where he was supposed to sing - he was only backing up Jin's vocals. The song was faster than he had originally written, and it was difficult to remember.

Jin arrived soon, and quickly bustled into the booth, ready to record. He flashed a small smile to Ueda through the glass, and he nodded back. They both felt nervous. It was a song that held so much of Ueda himself, and Jin knew that, Ueda could tell. Jin felt that he was tampering with something very personal - it was a song that only Ueda should ever sing, and here he was, about to record it onto an album. Ueda could see it through his eyes as the other sighed and checked over the lyrics set upon the stand, waiting for Junno to signal him to start.

Ueda felt as though he was giving a part of himself away. He kept telling himself that it was just a song, nothing more, but as Jin started singing and he could see the words forming, he felt a jolt of sadness. This was the song he had always sung for Yamashita, but now Jin was singing it, closing his eyes as he felt the song.

It was different when they had recorded the music to the track. He could somehow ignore the fact that it was that particular song they were recording. Maybe it was because there was no singing involved. Ueda had always put all of his emotion into singing the song; both vocally and as he wrote it.

When Jin finished, he came out with another one of his small smiles. Ueda just smiled back, and walked past him to record his parts.

Junno had no idea what was going on.

>>><<<

 

Later on during the day, as Jin went to fetch himself a cup of water down the hall, Yamashita walked through the door. Ueda looked up, surprised.

"Yamashita?"

"Hey, Ueda..." Yamashita said, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably.

"What's wrong?" Ueda asked, looking up at him.

Yamashita sat down next to Ueda, and suddenly shot Junno a look. Junno jumped, and then muttered, "Why don't Jin and I go grab you two some lunch? Yeah - I'll be back soon!"

"Thanks," Yamashita said, and Junno quickly left the room, closing the door behind him.

There was something wrong with Yamashita. He wasn't meeting his eyes, and kept sighing. Ueda's stomach flipped. Something was going on.

"I was thinking about those songs you let me listen to yesterday," Yamashita started. Ueda nodded. "And I realised that...something was wrong."

"What?"

"It sounds stupid, and I'm sorry, but there's something...missing." Yamashita held a hand up to stop Ueda from interrupting. "No, please, let me finish. When I heard those songs, I knew something was up. I mean, I liked them and all, but there was just something that wasn't there. I thought about it all night - it wouldn't let me sleep - and I realised that it lacked emotion. It lacked you."

"What are you talking about, Yamashita?" Ueda asked, blood rising to his face in anger. "I wrote those songs, how could I be missing from them?"

"That's not what I meant! I mean - you wrote those songs because Nakamaru and Shige told you to, right?"

"Yes, of co--"

"Not because you wanted to."

"What?"

"These aren't songs that you wrote from your heart, like all of the others. Can't you see that?" Yamashita asked, and Ueda jumped up.

"I tried my hardest--"

"I'm not saying they're no good!" Yamashita said, leaping up after the other and trying to catch his eye. "Please calm down. I'm just trying to tell you that when I listened to them, they seemed empty. Like you wrote them just because you could, not because you love to write." Ueda, face still red, was breathing rather heavily, but he calmed down slightly. Yamashita gingerly leant over to take ahold of his wrist. "There's a difference, I can tell," Yamashita murmured gently. "I just came to let you know."

And then he was gone, leaving Ueda upset.

He knew Yamashita was only telling him the truth, but the truth hurt. Especially after all of the hard work everyone had put into the album. Ueda's mood spiralled down, and he slumped back into the seat, holding his head in his hands.

>>><<<

 

Finally, finally the album was finished. It had taken them months, what with learning the songs and recording and photoshoots and makeup and performances. And then the album was released.

Ueda hadn't really spoken to Yamashita since their argument, but he didn't have time to contact the other. It wasn't as if he was ignoring him, though. He was just too busy.

The album came in at number two on the charts, and they were more than happy about that. Their celebratory party was hosted at Jin's place that night, and Ueda was determined to talk to Yamashita properly.

But Yamashita wasn't here yet, and the party had started over an hour ago. "Kamenashi?" he asked. The other man turned around, drink in-hand. "Do you know where Yamashita is?"

Kamenashi shook his head. "No idea," he said. "He should be coming, though. Have you seen Koki?"

"No, why?"

"No reason. We seem to be good at losing people, though," Kamenashi chuckled. Ueda forced a laugh, and carried on searching for the other. He would have been worried about Koki if he wasn't so focused on finding Yamashita.

"Jin? Where's Yamashita?" Ueda asked, peering into the kitchen. Jin looked up from pouring Junno a drink, and shrugged.

"Hello to you, too, Uepi," Junno said. Ueda just nodded distractedly. Junno had picked up this nickname for him - from where, he had no idea - and it had stuck.

"Oi, Bambi!" called Nishikido.

"How many nicknames does one person need?" Ueda said, as he turned. Jin giggled. "Nishikido? What is it?"

"Pi's here," the darker man answered, grabbing onto his wrist and dragging him away from the kitchen. "Uh - does anyone else call you Bambi?"

"No, why?"

"No reason," he answered quickly, and disappeared outside after finding Yamashita.

"Hi," Ueda said, turning towards the other man. But Yamashita didn't answer him. He just looked deep into his eyes with an unreadable expression on his face, until he grabbed ahold of Ueda's sleeve and dragged him to the frontyard."Wha--"

"Stop talking. Just come with me."

Yamashita dropped his hold of Ueda, and walked down the street, arms crossed. Ueda had to jog a little to catch up, and even then Yamashita didn't slow down. "Yamashita, what's...?"

"Wait." His voice was forceful, harsh. Ueda flinched back, not accustomed to hearing that kind of tone from him.

"O-okay..."

Yamashita led him down the street, and into another. They found themselves in the middle of a park, lit gently by streetlamps set along the side of it. Yamashita turned, then, to look into Ueda's eyes again, and whatever Ueda was going to say caught in his throat.

"You," Yamashita started. Ueda didn't know what he had done, but he found it difficult to meet his eyes. "Did you even pay _any attention_ to what I said before?"

Ueda nodded, and cast his eyes down to the grass between their feet. "I did, really..." he said quietly.

"Then what the heck is _this_?" Yamashita hissed, throwing his copy of the album onto the ground. Ueda jumped.

"W-wha--"

Yamashita sighed, and picked the album back up. There was a low rumble from the sky, warning them about the rain which was about to fall. "You know, I kind of thought of it as my song," he said, staring at his fingers which were cleaning the cover of the CD. Ueda couldn't speak. "I don't know why - I had no right to - but you always seemed to play it for me." He paused, and Ueda wanted to reassure him; wanted to say, 'I did', but the words never came. "That was the song that made me-- That was the song that let me see your talent. In both singing and storytelling. But... with this..." Yamashita sighed again, and sank down onto the bench nearest them. Ueda couldn't move.

"Yamashita, I'm sorry," was all Ueda could manage. Yamashita looked up at him from leaning over his knees.

"It's too late, now. I tried to tell you; I tried to warn you that the songs were just being forced out of you. And then you do something like _this_. And do you know the worst part? The fact that Jin is singing it."

The first drops of rain fell upon the top of Ueda's head, but he couldn't feel them. Tears started pooling in his eyes. "Nakamaru told me to--"

"Stop. I don't care anymore," he said, and Ueda watched, wide-eyed, as the other stood, his back facing him. "You've lost yourself, Ueda Tatsuya. Call me when you find who you are again."

And then he was gone, the rain now falling heavily and leaving Ueda to fall to his knees in the middle of the park.

The first person who had ever said they liked his music; the first person he had ever loved; the first person who had given him a chance, was gone.

 

\--end of chapter 15


	16. Tomorrow's Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ueda Tatsuya was nothing. Nothing, until Yamashita Tomohisa helped him fit in. He found him a band; he found him friends. This is the story of their rise to the top - the music, the troubles faced, the bonds formed.

It was incredibly lonely.

It had been two weeks since the fight, but Ueda hadn't noticed. It may have well been just yesterday - he could remember every word, every emotion in Yamashita's eyes.

He had stumbled back to the party, that night, drenched in rain and tears rolling down his face. Kamenashi was the first to find him, and he had bundled him up in his arms. As Kamenashi dried Ueda's hair with a towel in Jin's bedroom, Ueda explained what had happened. It was obvious that Kamenashi wasn't sure how to react, so he settled for humming gently and combing his hands through his copper hair.

Jin had let him stay inside the house that night, curled up on the sofa with a thick blanket over his small frame and listening to the rain pelt down as tears wet his pillow.

He had thought over what Yamashita had said that night, and he knew it to be true. He just didn't know how to bring himself back. Was he meant to grow his hair back, move out of Jin's shed and start singing on the streets again? Was he meant to throw away the items he had bought out of the money he had earnt? Was he meant to go back to that shy, doe-eyed person he was before? He knew he was still a quiet person, but he had opened up to everyone considerably.

But there was something more pressing two weeks later, as Ueda stood in front of the hospital, staring up at it's grey exterior. He didn't know what he was going to find inside it; didn't know what was going on. Koki had called him, asking him to come.

He had caught the train, and people had gawked at him. Ueda had just focused on the sway of the train. Ever since that night, he had been acutely aware of stares and glances from strangers, and hated them. He had never particularly _liked_ them, but now, they filled him with a strange feeling - something rather akin to disgust.

Ueda walked through familiar corridors, searching for the room number. He found it after a while, and took a deep breath before sliding the door open and walking inside.

Kamenashi was already there, standing at the foot of the bed, chewing on his thumbnail whilst a tear dropped from his eye. Koki sat in the stark white bed, looking small and vulnerable in his hospital gown.

"Hey, Ueda," he said, as Ueda dropped his bag and put a hand on Kamenashi's shoulder. He smiled slightly and sniffled.

"What's wrong?" Ueda asked, looking from one man to the other. Kamenashi just closed his eyes tightly and turned his face away. "Koki?"

"I was gonna wait for everyone to be here, but Kame wheedled it out of me," Koki said. Ueda just looked at him, waiting for him to explain why Kamenashi was crying. "Please wait until everyone else comes. I don't want to say it more than I have to."

Confused, Ueda nodded, but stayed next to Kamenashi as he collected himself and gave a watery laugh. "Don't worry about _me_ , I'll be fine," Kamenashi said, and moved to perch against the armrest of a chair sitting in the corner.

Soon Jin arrived, followed by Nishikido. By then, the tears on Kamenashi's face had dried, and Ueda had moved to sit cross-legged on Koki's bed, as the other wished. Jin, with a look at Koki, leant against the wall, whilst Nishikido took the seat next to Kamenashi.

"What's up?" Nishikido asked. Koki laughed shortly.

"' _What's up_?' I'm in hospital, and _that's_ what you say?" he asked, smiling. Nishikido smirked.

"Whatever."

Ueda pinched Koki's foot, causing the other to flinch. "Ow! What was that for?" he asked, and Ueda lifted an eyebrow. "Oh, right."

"Are you gonna tell us why we're here?" Jin asked, hands deep in the pockets of his hoodie and peering out underneath his long hair. Koki gave a small smile.

"They didn't get it all," he said, and it was as if time stopped. Ueda's heart dropped, and all he could do was stare wide-eyed at the man in front of him. He briefly heard Jin gasp behind him.

"What do you mean, they didn't get it all?" Nishikido asked angrily, standing up again and ignoring Kamenashi's hand on his sleeve, trying to pull him back down. "Wasn't that the point of the - Kamenashi Kazuya, if you don't let go _right now_ \- operation? To get it all? What the heck were they doing all that time, then - planting daisies?"

"Ryo, please, _stop_ \--"

"Shut up, Kazuya--"

"Don't you _fucking dare_ tell him to shut up--"

"Jin, I can take care of myself--"

"I think we're forgetting who this is really about," Ueda said softly. He may as well have shouted it; the other three paused, and sheepishly returned to their previous positions. Koki nudged Ueda with his foot.

"They - they thought that they had gotten it all, but it's spread, apparently," Koki answered, and Nishikido leant back against the chair, sighing.

"Fuck."

"Yeah, well, better that than having your face," Koki said light-heartedly.

"Hey!"

 

>>><<<

 

Jin was the first to leave, an hour later, after his phone beeped and warned him of an interview that he had to get to. Nishikido followed, after clapping his hand on Koki's shoulder and giving him an unexpectedly warm, comforting smile. They had to practically force Kamenashi out of the room.

"Go home, see your niece - I know it's been a while," Koki had said, and that alone was enough to make Kamenashi's eyes water again, but he smiled and bowed his head before leaving. They hadn't had much free time, and everyone knew how much Kamenashi missed seeing his little niece.

Now it was just Ueda and Koki left. Koki sighed, and put his hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling. Ueda watched him thoughtfully.

"Koki?" he called. Koki grunted. "Where exactly is the cancer?"

"Brain," he answered, closing his eyes.

"Oh. How long have you known? About them not cutting it all out?"

"Weeks."

"Oh." Silence. Then: "Do you think I've changed?"

"Huh?" Koki asked, sitting up and meeting his eyes. "Of course."

Crestfallen, Ueda looked down at his hands in his lap. "Oh."

"It's not a bad thing," Koki continued. "You've opened up to us all. Half a year ago, you wouldn't even look us in the eye. Now you've found your own place in the band. I think that's amazing."

Warmth spread throughout Ueda's body. "Thankyou."

"No problem. Has this got anything to do with Pi?" Ueda froze, and Koki chuckled. "What exactly did he say to you, anyway?"

Ueda didn't particularly want to talk to Koki about what had happened - they should be talking about Koki, and not him - but he found himself explaining everything to the other.

"So, he said you had lost yourself?"

"Yeah," Ueda said, trying to battle the tears threatening to fall. This was stupid; he shouldn't still be crying over something that had already happened.

"Come here," Koki said softly, moving over. Ueda crawled up the bed, and lay down next to him, his upper body resting against the pillows. Koki drew an arm around his shoulders. "Hey, don't cry," he whispered, pushing Ueda's head onto his shoulder and combing his hair with his fingers. "I think what he meant was that you've been following what others want of you. You let that man cut your hair, you let Nakamaru steal your songs, you let them change practically everything about them. You haven't been fighting it."

"What was I meant to do?" Ueda asked, voice muffled by Koki's shoulder.

"I don't know," he answered truthfully. "But I think we're all going through the same thing. Pi snapped because of that song - that one that you always play? It was because Jin was singing it, and not you. That song was completely yours, we could all see that."

"So...how do I bring myself back?"

"I don't know, little Ueda."

>>><<<

 

Weeks passed into months, and Koki was still in hospital. Ueda would visit as much as he could, and the others did, too. He still hadn't seen Yamashita.

He knew he shouldn't be lonely, but he was. He had Jin, Kamenashi, Nishikido, Koki, Kato, Junno... but he wanted Yamashita. There was this longing in his heart that would not rest. He had taken to bringing Thumper in at night to curl against him, breathing in the warm scent of goat as he fell asleep. Thumper himself seemed to know that something was wrong; he would lie down with his legs curled up beneath him,

Ueda had also lost his will to write. He tried, sometimes, as he sat on the grass outside, but nothing came to mind. These attempts would always leave him in a bad mood, and he would sulk around for the rest of the day.

One day, Nishikido found him doing just that - sitting outside with his guitar on the ground and resting his head against the wall of the shed behind him.

"You know, I would have thought you could afford an apartment by now," Nishikido said, as he sat next to him. Ueda grunted.

"Not yet," he said. "I'm waiting until I can pay at least the first few months of rent."

"Smart. What're you doing? Nishikido asked, gesturing towards the crumpled pieces of paper dotting the backyard. Thumper was nudging one with his nose, experimentally licking it before capturing it with his teeth.

"Trying to write a new song. But nothing's coming to me."

"Then forget about it for a while," he said, standing back up again and holding out his hand for Ueda to take hold of. "C'mon, Bambi, let's go somewhere."

"Where?" Ueda asked, uncertain. He had things to do - he had wanted to see Koki, then go and buy some food. He had been the one buying the groceries lately, since he had suddenly acquired money from the sales of their CDs. He was finally able to pay Jin back.

"Anywhere. Maybe your muse will come back to you."

They found themselves wandering down the street, lazily dragging their feet behind them as they walked. Nishikido jammed his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket, staring ahead of them, whilst Ueda watched the ground beneath his feet.

Ueda wasn't sure what to make of all of this. Did the other still have feelings for him? He watched as Nishikido walked slightly ahead of him. He saw the hunch of his shoulders; the way his dark hair would move as it was caught by the wind. Ueda watched how his feet would catch upon the sidewalk, making scuffing noises, but Nishikido had a walk that said 'I don't care'.

"Hey, what're you doing back there?" Nishikido asked, stopping and turning around. Ueda hadn't realised it, but he had slowed down.

"Ah, sorry," he said, and hurried to catch up to the other. Nishikido smirked.

"You've really been off with the fairies lately, haven't you?" he said, looking up at the sky. Ueda laughed.

"My brain's been buzzing with so much, I don't know how it can hold it all," he said truthfully.

"Hmm. Maybe it's not meant to hold it all. Maybe you should tell someone something."

But he'd already told Koki. Was there something else?

"Maybe."

>>><<<

 

"Hey! There's my little Ueda!"

"Hi, Koki," Ueda said, smiling. He loved it when Koki called him that.

"What's up?"

"Nothing much. How're you?"

"Eh. I'm fine," Koki said, resting against the back of the bed. "Bored as hell, though. Anything interesting been happening?"

Ueda laughed, and perched himself down on the side of the bed, nestled next to Koki. "Not really. Jin's been rushing around everywhere for interviews and stuff, and I have no idea what Nishikido gets up to. I don't think I really _want_ to know..." Koki laughed.

"Ah, that reminds me," Koki said. "Have you got your phone on you? I didn't bring mine." Ueda nodded, and handed it over. Koki flipped it open, and easily found what he was looking for. He gave it back soon after. "There," he said, "That'll teach him."

"Who?"

"Bloody Kame. He went and told Pi what was going on," he answered absentmindedly. "He came round yesterday, almost tearing the place down, wondering why I hadn't told him." Ueda's eyes widened. "He wasn't here for very _long_ , though," Koki added quickly, noticing how Ueda had turned rigid. "I doubt he'll come again."

"Right," he said. They both knew that Yamashita would, though.

"How's Thumper?" Koki asked, breaking the suddenly uncomfortable silence.

Ueda's face lit up. "He's great. I had to take him to the vet the other day - do you know how _difficult_ it is to find a vet that knows _anything_ about goats? - because he wasn't eating, but she just told me to change his food, so I did, and now he's getting fatter." He said all of this very fast. Koki smiled. "What?"

"You're adorable."

"Uh...thanks?" What was he meant to say to that?

Koki smiled. "Hey, when things are better between you and Pi, d'you--"

"I don't know how things can be fixed between us, Koki. I don't know what to do," Ueda said, sighing. Koki looked at him.

"Ah, you'll find something. You're Ueda Tatsuya."

Ueda smiled. "And you're Tanaka Koki. So get better, alright?"

He didn't notice Koki's smile falter.

>>><<<

 

It was Koki's birthday. After much fussing, Kamenashi had everything ready, as they milled about in Koki's hospital room, waiting for him to come back from some tests. There were streamers hung about the room. Balloons, which were blown up by Nishikido until he had gotten sick of it and given the job to Junno, were tied to the headboard of the bed. Each of them sported identical ridiculous party hats, the strings of which were starting to itch under their chins. They had piled their presents onto the lone chair in the room, and a chocolate cake baked by Kamenashi sat proudly on his little table.

The door slid open, and a nurse wheeled Koki into the room in a wheelchair. His jaw dropped.

"Happy birthday!" they bellowed.

"No _way_ ," Koki said, struggling into bed with the aid of the nurse. "Thankyou," he said, as she left. She flashed him a smile. "Holy crap, is that..." he gasped. "A Kamenashi cake?"

Kamenashi laughed. "Yep," he said proudly.

"So hurry up and blow the candles out," Nishikido ordered. "We want to eat it."

Koki did as he was told quickly, as they sung the obligatory 'happy birthday' song to him. He was practically beaming, he was so happy. Jin took it upon himself to cut the cake up, placing large pieces onto paper plates. "Here," he said, thrusting one under Koki's nose. "Birthday boy gets the first piece."

"Thankyou," Koki sung, grabbing it with his hands and biting into it. "Omgah...fis is derishos..." he moaned, mouth full. Kamenashi laughed, accepting his own piece from Jin.

"Out of everything we remembered... how come we forgot forks?" Junno asked, contemplating the cake on his plate.

"Junno, come here," Koki said. "I think I've got something here..." Junno walked over, and bent down to Koki, who was rummaging around in one of the drawers in his bedside table. "Ah! Here!"

"Really?" Junno asked. Koki straightened up, quickly grabbing the back of Junno's head, and pushed him face-first into his cake.

"There you go."

Ueda burst out laughing, thanking Jin with a wheeze as he took his own piece. Jin himself had a wide smile on his face. Nishikido was doubled over as Junno lifted his face, which was covered in icing.

"Thanks," he said dryly, licking whatever he could reach from his face.

Ueda, once he had caught his breath, took his own piece in his hand as Koki moved onto the presents. It had taken him weeks to find what he believed was the right present for him.

"Bambi, you've got...crumbs all over your face," Nishikido said as Koki unwrapped Jin's present.

"Oh," he said, wiping his face with his sleeve. "Thanks." Nishikido nodded.

"Oi, Smiley Face, you missed a spot," Nishikido barked, moving over to where Junno was still trying to get icing off his face.

"And this is Ueda's present?" Koki asked, turning it around in his hands. Ueda nodded.

"Uh... I haven't wrapped that many before..." Ueda said sheepishly, looking at the badly-wrapped present. Koki smiled.

"That's okay. You could have given him a brown paper bag and he would have loved it," Kamenashi said.

Koki grinned at him, before stripping the present of it's wrapping eagerly. "Woah, little Ueda, what--"

"It's nothing, really--"

"What is it? Let me see," Kamenashi said, pushing past Jin to peer into the wrapping. "Aw, it's so _cute_."

Koki lifted the necklace out for the others to see, much to Ueda's embarrassment. It was of a simple design, silver, with charms on it. One was a tiny pair of drumsticks. There was a microphone, a tiny blue guitar, a cream-coloured bass, and a black and white guitar attached to it. They were tiny models of what their actual instruments looked like. There was also a thick book and a pink letter 'P' - for Kato and Yamashita respectively.

"This is... oh - I don't-- Ueda goddamn it, _come here_ ," Koki stuttered, and Ueda thought he could see tears in his eyes the moment before he drew him in for a hug. "Thankyou so much. This is beautiful." Ueda just shook his head.

"Well, shit, that makes my present look like I bought it at the local convenience store," Nishikido said, throwing a glare to his elegantly-wrapped cookies.

"That's because you did," Jin retorted, and Nishikido threw a balloon at him.

"There should be something else in there, though," Ueda quickly said, as he saw Koki about to set it down. He threw him a quizzical glance before it turned sheepish and he ripped open the card.

"You're meant to read the card _first_ ," Kamenashi scolded.

"Shut up, mother." Koki pouted, but it quickly disappeared when something fell out of the envelope. "What-- Oh, that's awesome."

" _What is it?_ " Jin asked impatiently, bouncing the balloon Nishikido had thrown to him on the top of Kamenashi's head.

"Stop that," Kamenashi said, but he continued.

"It's another charm-y thing," Koki answered, already busy trying to thread it onto the necklace. "Ha! Done!" He held it up, and they could all see the yellow smiley face beaming out at them.

"Well who the heck is that meant to be?" Nishikido asked, but stopped when they all glared at him.

"It's Taguchi, you imbecile," Koki replied, and Junno whipped his head around.

"Sorry--?"

"See? You're here with us now," Koki said happily, carefully setting the necklace down atop his chest of drawers and shooting it a smile.

Junno looked at Ueda, thankfullness shining in his eyes. Ueda bowed his head to him. "Yay," Junno said softly. Nishikido grinned and elbowed him.

　

>>><<<

 

"Nishikido?"

"Mm?"

"Can love die?"

"What?"

"If someone had feelings for someone else--" Ueda had to pause here, because a young boy in overalls too large for him had thrown a ball in their direction. Ueda rolled it back, before lying back on the grass next to the black-haired man.

"Yeah?" Nishikido prompted, hands behind his head and eyes closed as they spent yet another afternoon in a park. It wasn't the park Yamashita had dragged him to that night, but one in another direction.

"If someone had feelings for someone else," Ueda said slowly, "Can their love just kind of... disappear after a while?"

"Why?"

He wanted to explain, but didn't know how. He wasn't talking about himself. He wondered that if Yamashita truly thought of him as a friend...how could he leave him like that? How could he leave, and yet maintain contact with everyone else?

And _could_ his love for Yamashita disappear? That was what he was most afraid of. Ueda didn't want these feelings to fall away. He wanted to treasure them; keep them bottled away as if they were something precious. He didn't know what he would do if they went - would he feel empty?

Nishikido took his silence as an 'I don't know'. "Love is...difficu-- why don't you ask Koki, or Kame? They know how to speak like people in the movies do; I just blurt out nonsense." Ueda laughed, watching the clouds form shapes in the sky. Nishikido let out a nervous laugh, but continued. "See that old couple over there?" He asked, moving his head to the side. Ueda lifted himself up on his elbows to see.

An elderly couple sat on a bench a little way off. The white-haired woman reached into her tartan bag, pulling out a flask and some small containers, and sat them on the space between them. As she rummaged around in her bag, her husband fetched two china cups and saucers from her walking frame, opened the flask and poured hot water into them. Seeing her struggle to open one of the containers, he set the cups down carefully and helped her, and she gave him a wrinkly smile of thanks. He moved onto opening another container, pulling out four sugar cubes and gingerly setting two in each, before taking two teabags and letting them float in the water. As he shakily lifted both cups up and over his lap to place them between the two of them, his wife was busy unwrapping two sandwiches, both cut into quarters. She took the silver spoons she had found in her bag and stirred the tea after handing her husband a sandwich, and fished the tea bags out.

The two sat there, quietly sipping at their tea and eating their lunch, happy just to be in each others' company.

Nishikido turned back to look into Ueda's eyes. "See, sometimes love can last forever. But then again, sometimes..." He pointed over to the playground, where two small children were fighting over who was going down the slide first. One, impatient, pushed herself down the slide whilst the other wailed and ran off in search of her mother. "We're all different, Bambi. Remember the film?" Ueda nodded. "Bambi and the female deer - can't remember her name - met when they were real young, and you could tell that she liked him, right?" Ueda nodded again, lying back on the grass. "Then Bambi left with his father, leaving her behind, even though we didn't see that part in the movie. So he leaves her without any kind of explanation; just takes off. He comes back later - only God knows how long he was away for. Well, Disney and the person who wrote it probabl-- I'm getting off track. He comes back after all those years, and she still loves him."

"B...but that's just a film, Nishikido..." Ueda struggled out. Yamashita left him like Bambi had left the doe. It did _not_ mean that he would come running back, proclaiming his love for Ueda. That was just ridiculous.

" _He comes back after all those years, and she still loves him_ ," Nishikido said, practically glaring at Ueda. "And he even has a love rival, but she still goes to him. Even though she probably knew that other deer better, she knew that her heart lay with Bambi."

"B-but that other deer was kind of a bastard," Ueda said softly. Nishikido laughed, long and deep. Ueda threw him a puzzled glance, but the other just waved it away.

"I was just answering your question, Bambi."

There was a long silence, in which Ueda watched the elderly couple stand up carefully and potter away. "Do you think that the other deer still loved her when she left him?"

"Definately."

"How?"

"Cause I'm that deer."

>>><<<

 

Nishikido Ryo picked up the phone on November the twenty-ninth, raising it to his ear before letting it clatter to the floor.

Akanishi Jin, on November the twenty-ninth, excused himself from a photoshoot to answer his phone, hanging up a few seconds later.

Kato Shigeaki carefully placed down his book before reaching for his phone on November the twenty-ninth, instantly regretting ever answering it.

Kamenashi Kazuya answered his phone on November the twenty-ninth, only to fall to the ground moments later.

Yamashita Tomohisa quickly snatched his phone off the desk on November the twenty-ninth, putting it to his ear before rocking back on his chair, hands over his eyes.

Taguchi Junnosuke, sandwich in-hand, switched his phone on speaker-mode on November the twenty-ninth. The sandwich fell out of his hands soon after.

Ueda Tatsuya grabbed his phone out of his pocket on November the twenty-ninth, flipping it open and lifting it. The voice on the other end was grainy and low, but he understood every word.

Tanaka Koki died on November the twenty-ninth.

 

\--end of chapter 16


	17. Tomorrow's Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ueda Tatsuya was nothing. Nothing, until Yamashita Tomohisa helped him fit in. He found him a band; he found him friends. This is the story of their rise to the top - the music, the troubles faced, the bonds formed.

It was as if everything moved in slow-motion. Ueda rode the train to the hospital in a daze, finding himself walking down the corridors as if his legs didn't even belong to him anymore. He saw Kamenashi with his hands over his mouth, shoulders shaking as he sobbed against Jin's chest. Jin himself had his head resting ontop of Kamenashi's, sniffling softly as his hands ran up and down the others' back. He kept walking down the hall, barely meeting Jin's eyes as he walked. He paused, and looked around blindly, feeling empty.

Ueda reached Koki's room. Nishikido was standing outside of it, just staring at the handle. He turned slightly as he felt Ueda's hand on his elbow, looking at him with lost eyes. A tear fell down, and Ueda pulled him in, wrapping his arms around him and holding him as he cried. Ueda himself felt his own tears on his face, looking up as he heard another sniffle.

Kato sat on some chairs a little way off, elbows resting upon his knees as he held back tears. He looked up as he felt Ueda's stare, and Ueda held out one arm. The younger man stood up slowly, and walked forward into his embrace, arms going around both he and Nishikido.

It was surreal, standing there, knowing that your friends' body lay just beyond that closed door. That _Koki's_ body lay there.

His knees suddenly gave out, and the three of them crashed to the floor, still clutching onto one another. As Nishikido's tears wet his neck, and Kato hung his head between them, sobs racking his body, all Ueda could do was stare blankly at the top of Nishikido's head. He knew tears were falling down his face, for Kato reached up soon after and wiped some away, but he didn't know what he was feeling.

Ueda felt... empty. Lost.

He wanted Yamashita. He wanted his arms around him, telling him that everything would be alright. He needed that warm embrace. But he knew it wasn't coming.

He would never hear Koki say 'little Ueda' again. Never see that beautiful smile of his that lit up his entire face and crinkled up his eyes.

Koki was dead.

>>><<<

 

The funeral was held that week. Dressed in smart black suits, the four of them arrived at eleven o'clock, and now stood in the shadow cast by the grand church. People filed into the church, buffeting them but they didn't care. The church itself was large, made of sandstone which was worn with age, and had small plants growing out of the cracks in it's structure. Beautiful stained glass panels reflected the light, throwing numerous colours over the gravel of the carpark.

The people inside the church stood as slow, beautiful music started playing. The large, wooden doors were opened and sunlight filtered in. Four men slowly made their way into the church, a large coffin on their shoulders as they walked. The four were bereft of tears for the sadness had transformed, settling into a state of disbelief. But they walked surely and with the utmost respect for the precious person they carried, each running through memories too numerous to count in their minds.

Kamenashi thought of the time that Koki had celebrated with him in high school, when he had finally been accepted onto the baseball team. Koki had immediately stood on the nearest desk, and shouted it out to the people around them. Koki had always been noisy, but they loved him for it. Afterwards, Koki had treated him to a bowl of ramen, realising too late that he didn't have enough money for it and making Kamenashi pay. He had paid him back, three weeks later, after selling his own collection of baseball magazines.

Jin thought of the time that Koki had practically leant out of the window of Jin's car, screeching at him to stop because there was a box at the side of the road. He had dashed out, coming back soaked with rain and holding the soggy cardboard box as if it were the most precious thing in the world and with the biggest smile on his face. Jin remembered peering into it, laughing softly when he saw three tiny, bedraggled puppies looking up at him with their tails wagging.

Nishikido thought of the time that Koki had leapt to his defence, one day in primary school. They hadn't been particularly close, but a group of boys had surrounded him, pulling at his shirt and taunting him, mocking him for his small stature. Koki had come to his rescue, throwing the boys off him, and asking if he was alright. Nishikido remembered being stunned that someone had helped him, quickly thanking him and rushing off. From then on, the two had been friends.

Ueda thought of the time that Koki led him up to the roof of the hospital, dressed in his hospital gown. He thought of the time that Koki had made Eri her dog house; the time that he had squealed over Thumper; the time that he had welcomed him into the band.

Each thought of the beautiful smile they would never see again.

 

>>><<<

 

After the funeral was the burial. Set in a beautiful green graveyard, Koki's final resting place was at the end of a long line of headstones, his own looking new compared to the others' worn faces. With golden, cursive writing, it proclaimed his name, when he died, and a message from his parents. "Forever in our hearts".

As Ueda stood next to Nishikido, hands clasped infront of him and watching the casket disappear out of sight into the ground, he sighed, clenching his eyes shut. He lifted his head, then, and saw him. His heart stopped beating for a moment.

Yamashita stood apart from everyone else, close but not close enough. He wore a black suit and tie, and held something in his hands. His expression was that Ueda's own - pained. But at that moment, Ueda couldn't bring himself to think any more upon the matter. He was here for Koki, not for himself.

The priest plucked a single white rose from atop Koki's casket before it completely disappeared, handing it to Koki's mother, who accepted it with tears streaming down her face. She clutched it to her chest, eyes clenching shut as she tried to keep the pain at bay. Her husband wound an arm around her shoulders, comforting her though his own tears fell steadily down his weather-worn face.

Ueda felt his own face dampen as he stood there, watching his friend be lowered into the ground. He never would have thought this would have happened. He heard Nishikido sniffle next to him, and he grabbed the edge of Ueda's sleeve, just so Ueda would know that he was there for him.

Ueda lost sight of Yamashita after the burial.

>>><<<

 

Back at Jin's house, they each tugged their suits off and huddled under warm quilts in the lounge room. They were all quiet, lost in their own thoughts. Kamenashi came back from the kitchen with warm coffees for each of them, and a hot chocolate for Ueda. Ueda thanked him, taking his mug and curling his fingers around it's warmth as he bent his knees up to his chest under the blanket. Nishikido sat next to him, blowing on his coffee. Jin and Kamenashi sat on two armchairs, gingerly sipping their own drinks.

"It was nice," Kamenashi said quietly, interrupting the silence. The others nodded.

"Oh, that reminds me," Jin said, standing up before rummaging around in his discarded jacket pocket. "Pi gave this to me."

Ueda was sure Nishikido could feel him stiffen, but he didn't say anything. "What is it?" Nishikido asked, carefully taking a sip of his steaming coffee. "Ah! It's hot!"

"Well of course it's hot, you imbecile, I just made it!" Kamenashi snapped.

Jin opened his hand to show them what Yamashita had given him - Ueda remembered seeing the other carrying something - and he gasped. It was the necklace that he had given Koki for his birthday.

"Yeah," Jin said. "What should we do with it?"

"Give it to his parents," Kamenashi said immediately. Jin shook his head.

"Pi said that they wanted us to have it."

"How come he had it?" Nishikido asked.

"He came to the hospital after we did. His parents had just collected his belongings, and asked him to bring it to us," Jin explained.

"Oh..."

"But what're we going to do about it?"

They contemplated for a while, throwing ideas to one another. One idea was that they would each keep the charm representing them - but they were at a loss at what to do with Koki's one.

In the end, they tacked the complete necklace to the wall of the shed just behind Koki's drumkit. It hung there, giving them strength, and overseeing their every move. It was only small, but it made them feel as though some of the pain was being taken away; that Koki was still with them somehow.

 

>>><<<

 

"How're you feeling?"

"A little better - I mean, it's been almost two weeks already. You?"

"Alright now," Nishikido said, as they lay in the park again. "Hey, that cloud looks like a sheep."

"You think they all look like sheep."

"True," Nishikido chuckled. It was another one of their lazy afternoons, where they just lay there and watched the clouds move and transform across the sky. "Been writing anything new lately?"

"Not at all," Ueda replied, sighing. "Nothing's coming to me."

"It'll be alright. Give it some time."

"I know."

"It's Christmas soon, right?" Nishikido asked, after a moment of silence.

"Yeah. I don't know what I'm gonna get anyone, though."

"Mm." A pause. "What're you doing on Christmas Eve?"

With his eyes still closed, Ueda answered, "Probably nothing. Stay at home with Thumper. Why?"

Another moment of silence passed, until Nishikido sat up, back facing Ueda. "D-do you want to spend it wi-th me?"

"What?" Ueda asked, sitting up. Nishikido turned his head so that Ueda couldn't see his face.

"Do you want to spend your Christmas Eve with me? B-because you're not doing anything, and all."

"Okay."

"Wha-- Really?" Nishikido asked, spinning around to meet Ueda's eyes. Ueda nodded. Nishikido's eyes lit up with happiness, and he smiled widely. Ueda smiled back, and Nishikido collapsed back onto the ground, hands behind his head. "Thanks."

Ueda didn't really know what made him accept the offer to spend his Christmas with the other. Maybe it was because he had started to enjoy his company. Maybe it was because he knew the other still had feelings for him. But all Ueda knew was that he wanted to spend more time with him.

 

>>><<<

 

They were called back to the studio that Saturday by Nakamaru. Junno met them in the hallways, throwing them a strange glance before leading them to Nakamaru's office.

"Junno? What's up?" Jin asked the taller man. He just sighed.

"You'll see. How are you guys holding up?"

"Hm...okay. We feel a little off, but we'll be alright," Jin answered. Junno made an odd noise, before showing them the office door and rushing away. "What's up with him?"

"Dunno," Nishikido shrugged, reaching past him and opening the door. The four walked in, immediately engulfed by the strange-smelling room. Ueda thought it smelt like mothballs - he also thought it smelt as though Nakamaru needed to open the window.

Nakamaru himself stood up from behind his sturdy wooden desk as they piled in, smiling and gesturing for them to take a seat infront of him. They sat down upon spindly chairs, bowing politely to him.

"Now, I have been told by Kato that Tanaka has...passed," Nakamaru said, sitting down in his large chair. Ueda saw Kamenashi duck his head.

"Yes..." Jin said carefully, throwing a glance over to Kamenashi.

Nakamaru nodded. "Ohkura, if you will," he said, and a man stepped seemingly out of the shadows.

"Huh?" Jin said, glancing between the tall man and Nakamaru.

"Hello," the other man, Ohkura, said, his blonde hair a contrast to the otherwise dim room.

"Hey," Jin greeted him awkwardly, hovering between standing up to shake his hand or sitting down and letting the other come to him.

"Ohkura will be replacing Tanaka as your drummer," Nakamaru announced, shuffling some papers before setting them into a drawer.

"I'm sorry - _what_?" Nishikido asked, standing up and towering over the other. Nakamaru didn't look intimidated.

"I can leave, if you want--"

"Yes, please--"

"No, you have every righ--"

" _He has no fucking right to be here at all_."

"Nishikido Ryo, if you don't calm down, I'm afraid I may have to call security," Nakamaru said. Nishikido sat back down, panting. The door opened and shut again, and Ohkura was gone, probably waiting just outside the door.

"Are you telling us you're replacing Koki?" Ueda asked, then. The others went quiet. Ueda had chosen his words well - there was no way Nakamaru could reply without insulting either them or Koki.

The other was rightfully flustered with the question, trying to word his sentence so that it didn't sound hurtful. Jin raised his eyebrows, tired of waiting. "Well?"

"Ohkura is not meant to be a replacement."

"Right, then, what the heck is he doing here?" Nishikido asked.

"He is your new drummer; the next singl--"

"We need to talk. We're going outside, we'll be back soon."

The four of them stormed out, Nishikido slamming the door behind them for good measure. Ueda felt slightly sorry for Ohkura, as he flinched back from the force of the glare Jin directed at him as they walked past. Ueda was sure there was another glare from Nishikido, who was behind him.

They made it outside quickly, and Kamenashi sat down upon the stairs. "What're we gonna do?" he asked, sweeping a hand through his fair hair.

"We're _not_ going to take this," Jin said forcefully.

"Wait - should we ring Kato?" Ueda interrupted suddenly, reaching for his phone. Kamenashi nodded.

"Always the logical two," Jin smiled, moving to lean against the wall as Ueda found his number.

"Kato?"

_"Ueda? For the millionth time, call me 'Shige'--"_

"Kato, we need to ask you something."

_"Shoot."_

"Did you k--" Ueda was cut off, then, for Nishikido had ripped the phone out of his hand. "Nishik--"

"Oi, Shige."

Ueda could just make out a fuzzy, _"Ah crap, not you,"_ from Kato's end of the line, and smiled slightly.

"Yes, me, now shut up and listen. Nakamaru's gone crazy, and he's found us some blonde-haired dude to replace Ko-- Shige? Shige! St-- Wha-- You're n-- MY GOD, MAN, SHUT UP!" Nishikido roared into the phone. "Yeah. I can't remember. Yep. No. You didn't _know?"_

Kamenashi started making wild hand gestures at Nishikido, who shushed him and turned away frowning. "Alright, then. Okay. See you then, nerd." Nishikido shut the phone with a snap and handed it back to Ueda. "So, he didn't know about it. He's coming over now - he's not too far away."

They waited there for twenty minutes, discussing what was going to happen; Nakamaru had even sent out people to make sure they were coming back. Then they saw Kato's skinny form running up to them, hair askew. They spent a few more minutes outside, talking to Kato and throwing ideas across to one another, eventually coming to a decision.

"Right," Kato said, adjusting his jacket, "Let's go."

They were all taken aback as the usually cool-headed Kato almost ripped open the door to Nakamaru's office and slammed his hands onto the desk. Even Nakamaru jumped.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Kato growled. "You're getting a new drummer? Without telling m-- no, without _asking_ me?"

"Woah, go Shige," Nishikido whispered, a touch of awe in his voice.

"No, I've already gotten a drummer - Ohk--"

"Don't call him in; I don't care. You should have told me about it," Kato interrupted, and the others could almost feel the look he was giving Nakamaru from across the table. "Jin?"

Jin stepped forward, meeting Nakamaru's eyes. "We can't take any more of this. We're not a band without Koki."

"What're you saying?" Nakamaru asked, but they could tell he already knew.

"We quit."

>>><<<

 

Their decision was final. Once their contracts had expired by Christmas, they were free. It was strange, in a way - all they had longed for was a record deal, but once they had it... they had felt trapped, being forced to do as Nakamaru had wished. Kato had apologised numerous times, but they had ignored him, until Kamenashi took pity on him and physically lifted him from the ground. He blamed himself for everything wrong that had happened; Nishikido had hit him round the head for thinking such thoughts and then locked him outside with Thumper, who proceeded to eat his tie.

>>><<<

 

Jin brought his dusty old put-it-together-yourself Christmas tree out of the attic, almost dropping it right on Ueda's head as he passed it to him. "Ah! Sorry!"

"It's fine," Ueda struggled out as he wormed his arms around the box containing the tree.

"Just put it in the corner of the lounge room, okay? I'll follow with the decorations," said Jin, voice muffled as he rummaged around in the attic.

"Okay," Ueda answered, literally dragging the tree into the room Jin had specified. He dropped it, and contemplated where to start. "Jin? I don't know how to figure this out. You did it by yourself last time."

"Hang on, I've been attacked by tinsel," came Jin's reply, and Ueda waited calmly until Jin reappeared, arms laden with bags upon bags of decorations. He set them upon the couch, hands on hips, and said determinedly, "Let's get to work."

They started with the base of the tree, which Ueda didn't think would support the rest of it but Jin assured him it would. They had to put the branches on one by one, and as each was crushed by the weight of the rest of the tree in the box, they had to straighten out the fake branches. Jin was having a great time; he played Christmas carols and sung in English, dancing around as he worked. Ueda laughed at him, preferring to just listen to the song, but he too was having a great time. He hadn't put together a Christmas tree like this before.

They had finally finished the tree, but then Ueda turned around and saw Jin already rummaging through the bags of decorations. "Here," he said, passing Ueda a string of fairy lights. "Wind these around the tree."

Ueda did as he was told, and Jin plugged the other end into the powerpoint. The two then started on the rest of the tree - somehow, Ueda ended up along the way with antlers atop his head, and Jin seemed to whip his phone out of nowhere to take a photo of him, disgruntled expression and all.

"Can I go back to tinsel-duty?"

"Y-yeah," Jin wheezed, holding his stomach as he typed something on his phone. "Ah, I'm crying-- I almost wet myself."

"It wasn't that funny."

"It was. Cause you're Bambi."

"Bambi isn't a reindeer."

"...he's not?"

"No."

"Damn it!"

>>><<<

 

There were already many presents under their tree by the time that Christmas Eve rolled around. Ueda had also discovered that Jin had sent everyone a copy of the picture with him in those antlers, and had subsequently hidden said antlers. Jin was going crazy trying to find them when the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" Jin bellowed. "Oh, it's just Ryo."

"Gee, thanks," Nishikido said, as he walked in. "Where's Ueda?"

"Ueda!"

"I'm coming!" Ueda yelled back, coming out of the kitchen. "Your house isn't that big; you don't need to be so loud!"

"It's more fun that way," Jin smirked, and walked away. "Have fun."

"Stop making everything sound dirty!" Nishikido shouted. Jin just chuckled, and the two were left alone in the hallway. "Are you ready?"

"Ah, hang on, I need to get my stuff."

Once Ueda had everything he needed, Nishikido led Ueda to his car and they were off. "Where are we going?" Ueda asked, peering out of the windows. Nishikido chuckled.

"Tell you once we get there."

"But I'll know by then."

"Then shut up," Nishikido said, a smile on his face.

The drive wasn't too long, and they quickly found themselves in the city, surrounded by concrete buildings and streets bustling with people. Neon lights flashed down to them from shop fronts and billboards, reflecting off the surface of the car. Ueda felt small within the busy streets, but was awed at the sheer amount of people at this time of the night - it wasn't late, but it was quite dark.

Ueda sunk down in his seat as he heard the music playing on the radio. "Go away, Joan Jett," he muttered, earning a strange glance from Nishikido. He didn't want to think of Yamashita tonight.

"Who're you talking to, Bambi?"

"No-one," Ueda said, turning to look back at the people rushing past outside the window.

Nishikido took a few more turns, and then they were in a quieter part of the city. He found a space to park, and took something out of the back before placing it into his jacket pocket. "Come on," he said, turning and leading the way down the street.

The night air was crisp and welcomed as the two walked side-by-side. Ueda's stomach knotted as he felt Nishikido watching him, but it wasn't the same as when Yamashita looked at him. It was more nervous - he didn't know what Nishikido wanted. He couldn't read the other at all.

They stopped outside a run-down cinema. It was old-fashioned, with large, yellowed posters advertising black-and-white films plastered tastefully on the face of it. There was a small room off to the side, where they ordered tickets and Nishikido forced Ueda to share popcorn. Ueda didn't even think he liked popcorn, but Nishikido was determined.

Inside was musty and the air smelt stale, but it was still cosy. Ueda and Nishikido sat in the middle somewhere, and Nishikido dug into the popcorn straight away, earning a laugh from Ueda.

"Shut up, I didn't have dinner," Nishikido said, flicking a piece at Ueda, who dodged it.

"What're w--"

"Shh, it's starting."

>>><<<

 

After the film, which Ueda had enjoyed immensely - he had also enjoyed the popcorn, but wasn't going to admit that anytime soon - Nishikido dragged Ueda around the city, pointing out random shops and food stalls that he frequented, as he lived nearby.

After a while, Ueda found the city strangely beautiful. He had never really seen it at night, and it was completely different than it was during the day. He and Nishikido walked along in silence, until they reached a massive Christmas tree in the middle of a large park.

"Wow," Ueda breathed. Nishikido smiled widely.

"I know, isn't it great?" he said, but Ueda wasn't really listening. The tree was swaying softly with the wind, causing it's many decorations to jingle as they followed it. It was decorated with purple, silver and blue baubles, with white fairy lights covering the entire thing. It was really beautiful.

Nishikido turned to Ueda, and he wrenched his eyes of the fantastic tree to watch him. He drew a present out of his pocket, and Ueda's eyebrows rose. He had left the others' present at home. "Here," Nishikido said softly, tone different than what it usually was. Ueda took it slowly, and turned it around in his hands. It was quite small, and carefully wrapped. There was no card.

"Can I open it?" Ueda asked. Nishikido nodded, eyes on the ground between them. Ueda gingerly ripped the paper, and took out the box inside. He opened the lid, and his eyes flew up to Nishikido's. Lying on a bed of white satin material was a necklace, with a small golden Bambi pendant attached to it. "Wh--"

"It's nothing. It's stupid," Nishikido babbled, hands running through his black hair. "I-I'm going."

As the other turned around, Ueda made up his mind. One, was because he had no other way home; the other reason was because he wanted to. Maybe, just maybe, it would be alright.

"Nishikido!" Ueda called, and the other turned back. Ueda rushed up to him, and the other watched him, wide-eyed, as he took an extra step closer and leant up, gently pressing his lips against Nishikido's own. Ueda raised his arms up, resting his hands upon Nishikido's shoulders. He felt the other stiffen, and push against his chest, forcing Ueda backwards. "Wha--"

"What're you doing?" Nishikido asked, wiping his mouth. Ueda felt slightly insulted.

"I--"

"I know you're in love with Pi," he said, and Ueda had to shrink back at the intensity of the stare that Nishikido was giving him.

"You wh--"

"Don't use me as your excuse to forget about him."

"I'm no--"

"Please." Nishikido held up his hand. "You don't want this."

"But you do."

"What the fu-- Ueda Tatsuya, don't you _dare_ put me before yourself. I'll live."

Ueda's vision blurred, and Nishikido smiled softly before bringing him close. "I'm so sorry," Ueda said between tears. "You've been so nice to me, I'm so sorry that I don't feel the same--"

"Oh, shut up, it's fine," Nishikido said, patting his hair.

"Maybe I could learn to love y--"

"Seriously, shut up, before you say anything else stupid." Nishikido reached down and cupped Ueda's face in his hands. "Remember what I told you? About the story of Bambi?" Ueda nodded. "The deer that was in love with Faline had to give her up, so that Bambi could take care of her. No, don't cry-- oh shit." Nishikido drew Ueda back in for another hug.

"As long as you stay my friend," Ueda said eventually, letting Nishikido go and wiping his eyes.

"Of course," Nishikido said.

"Can you help me with this necklace?"

　

\--end of chapter 17

 


	18. Tomorrow's Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ueda Tatsuya was nothing. Nothing, until Yamashita Tomohisa helped him fit in. He found him a band; he found him friends. This is the story of their rise to the top - the music, the troubles faced, the bonds formed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I have to say thank you to you all who have read this. I don't care if you have or haven't commented on it, thank you for sticking with both me and Le Ciel for all eighteen chapters. This is the longest thing I have ever written, and I am so proud of it. Thanks to you all who have been commenting on each and every chapter. I usually post just before I go to sleep, being able to wake up in the morning to amazing comments from you all. I am normally very shy to show people my writings, but you all made me just that little bit more confident in myself.

{ONE YEAR LATER}

　

The gentle plucking of guitar strings echoed through the empty house. The sunlight which filtered through the window glinted off a golden necklace, in the form of a small deer. Photographs dotted the room, placed on bookshelves and cabinets, preserving precious memories behind glass. A small Christmas tree sat in a corner, weighed down with mismatched baubles. Sheets of paper lay scattered across the room, some with hastily written lyrics and music notes on their surface. A mobile phone sat on the coffee table, open.

Ueda Tatsuya sat on the floor of his house, back resting against the couch as he lazily formed chord after chord on his battered guitar. Every so often, his eyes would flick to the phone screen, and back to his fingers on the guitar. The screen flickered back at him, showing characters and emoticons from an old text message. His eyes glanced up to the name of the person who had sent it; a person he hadn't seen in almost a year, but still felt the same for. They were the messages he used to draw strength from.

_'Good luck today, I know you'll do great.'_

Ueda had gone back to working for the Kamenashi's, and had only recently moved out of Jin's shed and into this new house. It was small, but it kept him out of the rain at night, and that was all he really cared for. Thumper was allowed inside, too, once Ueda had toilet-trained him, and he now sat happily on Ueda's couch behind him.

Kamenashi and Jin had finally figured things out between them, and the two were closer than ever, sticking to each other like glue. It was fantastic to see the two of them so happy, finally, but they never went into details about what suddenly changed so they could be together. He didn't know what happened to the girl Kamenashi had been dating.

Ueda jumped as the phone rang, and he scrambled to pick it up in time. "Hello?" he said, placing it to his ear.

_"Tatsuya!"_

"Kato, I'm not going to be _tricked_ into saying your nickname."

" _Damn it!"_

Ueda laughed. "What is it?"

 _"So it's been a year since Koki died,"_ Kato said solemly. Ueda nodded, glancing up at one of his many photographs. It was of Koki and Thumper, where Koki was attempting to steal back his jacket from the goat's teeth.

"Time flies, doesn't it?" he said, smiling at the memory.

 _"That it does. Listen, I want you to come down to Jin's place. We want to talk to you all, as a group,"_ Kato said. _"Is that okay?"_

"Yeah, sure, give me ten minutes and I'll be there," Ueda said, cutting the line before herding Thumper outside. He didn't want to come home to poop on his kitchen counter again.

>>><<<

 

It felt good to mill about in Jin's lounge room, hearing Kato and Nishikido argue over who was going to get the best seat. Kamenashi came in, carrying mugs of hot chocolate, and the enticing smell floated in before him. Jin sighed happily, sinking into a chair and accepting his mug from the other with a smile.

"Bambi, you've got snowflakes in your hair," Nishikido said, laughing. Ueda lifted his hand to his head and ruffled his hair, sending the snowflakes flying.

"Don't get snow on the carpet!" Kamenashi snapped. Jin reached up and grabbed his belt, pulling him backwards until the other fell into his lap.

"Calm down," he said, chuckling. Kamenashi huffed, and Jin wound his arms around his waist.

"What're we here for, anyway?" Nishikido asked, settling himself down in the chair. He had won the battle between he and Kato. Kato looked up from his seat next to Ueda.

"It's almost the first anniversary of Koki's death, right?" he said, blowing on his hot chocolate. They nodded.

"Is that what you wanted this for?" Jin asked, and Kamenashi had to get off his lap so that Jin could reach into his pocket and retrieve the necklace that Ueda had given Koki for his birthday.

"Yeah," Kato said, taking it from him and studying it. Kamenashi perched on the side of Jin's armchair, Jin's hand in his hair. Kato carefully looked at each pendant on the necklace, running his fingers over the surface.

"Shige?"

"Ah, sorry. I wanted to know if you guys would be interested in making one last song?"

"Huh?"

"Would _Le Ciel_ want to band together for the last time to record another song?" Kato asked, setting the necklace down on the table. "For Koki?"

"Yes!" Kamenashi said excitedly. "Can we? I'm in."

Jin chuckled. "Me, too."

"What'll we be doing?" Nishikido asked. "How're you gonna get it made?"

Kato sipped at his mug. "I was thinking that we could produce it ourselves. I'm sure Jin knows a few people to help...?" Jin laughed, but nodded. "Awesome."

"Uh..."

Kato turned to Ueda, a wide smile on his face. "Yeah?"

"...what about the drum parts?"

Kato's smile faded slightly. Kamenashi, who had sat bolt upright in his excitement, seemed to shrink back. Nishikido knotted his eyebrows together, thinking deeply.

"What if..." he began, speaking slowly, thinking upon every word spoken. "What if... we use some of his old recordings?"

"Like... if we take apart our older songs... and place together different parts of his drumming?" Ueda asked, fascinated by the idea. Nishikido nodded.

"Yeah. Then we could kind of get an original beat, but still have Koki drumming it," he said, happy that someone understood what he was trying to imply.

Kamenashi nodded eagerly. "That sounds great!"

"Why are you so excited today?" Kato asked suddenly.

"I don't know," Jin said. "You should have seen him before, when he knew everyone was coming over. He was practically dancing around the place--"

"I was _not_ , shut up," Kamenashi said, lightly hitting Jin over the head. "I'm just happy that we can do something again - all of us."

"And it really will be all of us," Jin said. "Because Koki will be helping out, too."

"Of course. He can't just expect us to shoulder all the work, can he?" Kato said, smiling.

"Nope," Nishikido added, a smirk playing on his lips. "But the bugger would probably be distracted halfway by a sunflower or something."

"Lets get to work."

>>><<<

 

News had somehow spread that _Le Ciel_ were coming back. This time, however, they weren't aiming for anything. They didn't care about money. They didn't care about fame. All they wanted was to remember a bandmate; a friend.

It was an amazing feeling to pick up a guitar and hear it once again supported by the rest of the band. The four of them, and Kato, sat in the shed - which still sported Jin's sign "Ueda's corner" - spread across the floor and toying with different ideas for the song. Ueda and Nishikido were eventually given the reins, and they took over happily, creating music.

Ueda was finally able to write again, the memories of Koki moving his hands across his guitar. Jin grinned at him. "Now, that's much better," he said, kneeling down next to him. "But what if we change this chord here?"

With the basic tune planned, Ueda handed over the music to Kamenashi, so he could work out his own bass parts - Ueda had never been good with those. Nishikido and Jin had already started work on the lyrics for the song, and in three days, it was done.

They practiced nonstop, wanting - no, _needing_ \- to make this song perfect. There were to be three songs on the single, and they had already completed one, which was going to be the main song. It was slow, with Jin and Ueda singing the entire song together, their voices blending amazingly well.

"Hey guys," Kato said one morning, walking in on them adjusting their instruments. "I have a surprise."

"And we all know that's never good," Nishikido sighed, setting his guitar down as Kato huffed.

"Hey, be nice to me. No, no - Junno's here."

Junno appeared behind Kato, taking in his surroundings with wide eyes. "Hey, guys. Long time no see, huh?"

The others smiled widely. They had tried to keep in contact with the taller man, but their workload had slowly driven them apart. Thankfully, now, everything just seemed to slot back into place - he was as easygoing as ever, with his headphones slung around his neck.

"I thought that Junno should be apart of this too," Kato said, gesturing to the necklace, which was back hanging on it's nail in the wall of the shed. "He has a pendant strung to the necklace too, right?"

Ueda nodded, casting a wide smile towards Kato. He had actually had a similar thought, but didn't know how to go about his plan.

"Uepi!" Junno called, and Ueda soon found himself in his embrace, all long limbs and sharp elbows.

"Junno--"

"You call him Junno, but you still won't call me Shige?"

"Come off it, Shige, it's never happening," Jin laughed, clapping the sulking man on the back.

"So, what do you guys have so far?" Junno asked, settling down on the floor and looking up at them all. Jin sat next to him.

"Just one song," he said, picking up the piece of paper which had lyrics hastily scrawled across it. "It's still kind of raw, but you can get the general idea."

"Can I hear it?" Junno asked, as he accepted a cup of steaming coffee from Kamenashi. "Thanks."

"Sure," Kamenashi said, moving over to his bass. "We don't have the drum parts yet, though."

They played the song for Junno, who sat there gently sipping at his coffee. The song was a slow ballad, each note carefully thought out. Ueda sat on the ground near Koki's drums, strumming his guitar in time with Nishikido's, and singing softly whilst Jin lead with a stronger voice.

"Well?" Nishikido asked, setting his guitar down, once they had finished. Junno hummed. "What was that?"

"Hmm..." Junno cocked his head to the side, eyes focused on Koki's drumset. He had a strange expression on his face. "It's not that I don't like it..."

"But?" Kamenashi asked, eyebrows knotting together.

"You're all trying to remember Koki, right?"

"Of course. That's the reason we're doing this," Jin said, standing up and running a hand through his now-short hair.

"I don't remember Koki like that."

"What?" Nishikido said, turning to the other.

"I remember Koki as someone who loved life; someone who was always smiling and having fun," Junno said, and a small smile formed on Ueda's lips. "Why don't you guys write something like that? Instead of being all depressing and everything."

They sat in silence for a while, mulling over Junno's statement. It was true - Ueda did remember Koki to be the type to smile at almost anything. He had been strong in the face of his illness, and had always been one to comfort others, even when he had probably needed it more.

"So, what should we do?" Kamenashi asked.

Ueda looked up. "What about... we leave this song as a B-side... and write another one? Something that we can all contribute to," Ueda said, thinking. Jin nodded slowly.

"Like, if we each have something to say about him?" Jin asked. Ueda nodded.

"Yeah. Something happy. Something that we can really remember about him. Things he used to do; things that we liked about him - things we didn't. I don't know--"

"So we can think of him in a happy light - because we're glad that we knew him whilst he was alive," Kamenashi added. Ueda nodded.

"What did you say about sunflowers before, Nishikido?"

>>><<<

 

The song took more than a week to write. Everyone had their own ideas, but in the end they each settled for what they believed was the song that would let them and others remember Koki as he was.

The song was called _Himawari_ , or 'sunflower'. As Nishikido had pointed out earlier, Koki would have probably gotten distracted by something as simple as a sunflower, and would have stared at it endlessly. They thought the flower was something that described Koki perfectly. Kamenashi had told them that the simple yellow flower meant loyalty, and that if nothing summarised Koki in one single word.

In the middle of practicing, Junno ducked out to answer a phonecall, and the others carried on.

"Guys," Kato said, interrupting them. "What if you all sing some part?"

"Huh?"

"What if you each sing a verse or somethi-- Jin, stop looking at me like that."

"Are you sane? Have you heard Ryo sing?"

"I have a pitch-perfect voice, I'll have you know--"

"He used to sing with you, didn't he?" Kato asked. Jin nodded, albiet reluctantly.

"You guys are so _mean_ to me--"

"You deserve it, Ryo. Anyway, I thought it'd be nice if each of you sang. I doesn't really matter if you're good or not--"

_"I can fucking sing--"_

"--but I just thought I'd put it out there," Kato finished, ignoring Nishikido's interruptions.

"I think it's a good idea," Kamenashi said, a thoughtful expression on his face. Ueda nodded. "Something different."

Junno walked back in, then, snapping his phone shut. "Hey, guys - Nakamaru's gotten wind about what you're doing."

"What does he want?" Jin asked sharply. Kamenashi put a hand on his shoulder.

"He wants to meet with you all. He has something to say," Junno explained, smiling slightly. "I think it'd be a good idea."

"Okay, we'll stop by tomorrow," Kato said, nodding at Junno. "Thanks."

"What? No, I don't wa--"

"If he has something to say, Jin, don't you think that we should listen, at least?" Kamenashi asked.

"But--"

"Stop your whining, princess," Kato said. Jin pouted. "We're going, whether you like it or not."

"Bastard," Jin muttered. Kato whacked him over the head. "I don't deserve this kind of treatment!"

"Yes, you do."

"Why do I put up with you?"

 

>>><<<

 

Jin was almost dragged into the van the next day. It felt strange, to sit there in the usually crowded vehicle - even with one less person, it seemed so much larger. Kato hummed an unknown tune as he drove, ignoring Nishikido's pleas to change the channel on the radio.

The building came closer and closer, until they had parked and found their way inside it. Their feet knew where to go before their minds did, and familar walls surrounded them quickly.

"What're we gonna say?" Nishikido whispered.

"Why are you whispering?" Kamenashi asked, shooting him a glance.  
"I don't know. It was too quiet. Seriously, for a musical place, there's barely any noise," Nishikido said, voice at a regular level now.

Kato led them to Nakamaru's office - a place they had never thought they would have visited ever again. It was as stuffy as last time; it still stank of paper and mothballs. Nakamaru had let his hair grow slightly - it was now a dark brown and fell lightly over one eye - but other than that, he still looked the same in his pressed suit and tie.

"Ah, hello," he said, as they walked in, standing up and bowing.

"What do you want?" Jin asked bluntly. Nakamaru looked slightly stunned, before he cleared his throat.

"I heard that you wanted to bring out another song. I just wanted to offer you my help," Nakamaru said, gesturing for them to sit down. Only Kato did.

"We're doing just fine on our own, thanks," Nishikido said, looking about the room and moving off to touch the bookshelf.

There was an awkward silence, where it was quite obvious to Ueda that Nakamaru was trying to collect his thoughts. "Nakamaru?" he asked softly. "What's wrong?"

Nakamaru lifted his head up, and laughed shortly. "I was thinking... I've done so much to all of you, haven't I?" The others looked at him in shock. He chuckled again. "I'm just saying...I would like to help."

"As long as you don't tell us what to do again. And it's just this one time," Ueda said, earning strange looks from everyone.

"What the heck, Bambi?" Nishikido demanded, looking up from scanning a book he had found on the shelf.

"Wouldn't it jus-- just be easier for us to say yes?"

"No, it wo--"

"Could I speak to Akanishi and Kamenashi alone for a minute?" Nakamaru asked suddenly, interrupting Nishikido. Nishikido's eyebrow twitched as the other spoke over him.

"I don't thi--"

"Whatever you have to say to us, you can say it infront of all of us," Jin said, and Nakamaru nodded slowly.

"Fine," he sighed, moving closer to them. The band could only look on as the suited man looked Jin and Kamenashi right in the eyes, until he dropped his gaze and sighed again. He slowly knelt on the carpeted ground, and looked up. "I have realised what I've done... and I know now that what I did was wrong. To both the band and the two of you," he said, and at that moment, Ueda couldn't even recognise the man. "I'm sorry," he said, lowering his head down, until his forehead was touching the ground. "I'm terribly sorry."

The room was quiet as they watched with wide eyes the proud man practically begging Jin and Kamenashi for their forgiveness. "N-no; it's fine - Nakamaru, please--" Kamenashi said, quickly getting over his shock and moving forward, setting his hands on Nakamaru's shoulders and gently pushing him back up. "Really, it's fine. Thankyou."

"What brought all this on?" Jin asked, still suspicious, even though Kamenashi was helping Nakamaru up and dusting his jacket off.

"I've thought about the reasons why you all left," he started, looking insecure. Ueda's eyebrows knotted. "I kept replaying it all in my head. I quickly realised that it was my own fault - everything was my fault. I'm so sorry." He bowed his head, allowing Kamenashi to fuss over him.

"Nakamaru?" Ueda asked quietly. He looked up. "Why are you apologising now? It's been a year." Jin grunted.

"I...I'm a coward," Nakamaru answered, chuckling slightly and moving away to rest against his desk. "I was scared of what you all would do if I just turned up somewhere unannounced. Sorry."

"Okay, I think that's enough apologising for one day," Kato said loudly, standing up and clapping his hands together. Ueda jumped - he had forgotten the other was there. "Ryo, please put back Nakamaru's books." Nishikido grumbled as he slid the book he was scanning back where he had found it. "Are we ready to make some music?"

"Jin?" Kamenashi asked, glancing over to him. He had his head tilted slightly back, analysing Nakamaru, with his arms crossed. He sighed.

"Alright. Let's go."

If it was alright with Kamenashi and Jin, then it was alright with the rest of them, too.

>>><<<

 

"So, what happened between you two and Nakamaru, anyway?" Junno asked, swinging around on his chair a few days later. They were back in the recording room, after almost a year, but just like Nakamaru's room, it looked the same. The drums inside the room had been replaced, though, because Junno had said that another band had bashed through them.

Kamenashi chuckled. "Ah... he apologised. For everything."

"Nakamaru? The same Nakamaru that bosses me around?"

"Well, you _are_ working here--"

"Yeah, that Nakamaru," Jin said. Nishikido sighed, and turned to Ueda.

"Why is everyone interrupting me?" Ueda ignored him, preferring to listen in on the other conversation. Nishikido threw his hands in the air. Kato just patted him on the back, as Kamenashi explained to Junno what had happened.

After Kamenashi finished talking, Junno's eyebrows were raised. "Wow," he said. Kamenashi nodded.

"We weren't expecting it, either," he admitted, settling back in the chair.

"And you accepted his apology?"

"Yeah," Jin said, looking over his lyrics once again. "It was a surprise, but..."

 _"Can we get on with it?"_ Nishikido spat, making Ueda jump.

"Ah, sorry!" Junno said, spinning back around. "So I've gone through all your old songs and stuff, and picked out Koki's drum parts. I've selected parts that coincide generally with what you all wrote down on the music sheets, but I don't want to edit them together until you've all listened to them." Junno muttered to himself as he pressed button after button, and Ueda had to admit that he missed seeing the man so sure of himself as he ran his hands over the numerous dials. He knew exactly what to press to make the sounds of drums roll out of the speakers.

It was surreal to hear Koki's playing. He had a certain sound to his drumming; full and strong. Ueda had missed hearing him play.

"We need an extra cymbal crash here," Kamenashi pointed out, as soon as the drums ended. Junno looked up at him and nodded, before moving to his laptop and quickly adjusted it. Ueda was once again baffled at how Junno knew what he was doing.

"And shouldn't there be a faster bass beat?"

"No, no - it's fine the way it is."

"Are you sure? It sounds a bit strange to me."

"That's because you're strange."

"Nishikido Ryo--"

"Kato Shigeaki--"

"...God, you're annoying."

"And loving it."

>>><<<  
 

When the drums were perfected, Kamenashi was first to record. He had put a lot into writing his parts; the bass was flashy and complex, and completely unlike anything they had written for him before. But it fit the song.

"Ah, I miss this!" Kamenashi sighed, before collapsing onto the bench and watching Nishikido walk into the recording area. Jin smiled at him, before putting his arm around Kamenashi's shoulders and playing with the ends of his hair. Ueda grinned.

Nishikido was as active as always, bending and moving to the music only he could hear. As Ueda twisted his necklace around in his fingers, he thought how wonderful it was, to have so many different people all together like this, for one person.

He wondered, not for the first time, where Yamashita was. What he was doing. What he was thinking. Ueda's eyes slid over to Kamenashi and Jin, who were watching Nishikido with their arms around each other comfortably, and wondered if there was ever going to be a time where Yamashita and he could even just sit in the same room together again. Would he ever speak to him again? Would he ever see those black eyes again?

He had started having dreams about the other. Not dreams, persay, but memories as he slept. They would start out happily enough - the memory would always be different - but it would always end the same, with Yamashita throwing their album at his feet, and walking away.

Ueda was roused from his reverie as Nishikido hit him over the head. "Out of the clouds, Bambi," he said, before sitting down next to him, resting his guitar against the table. "Your turn."

Ueda carefully took ahold of his guitar, and walked through the door, ready to play the song for Koki. And maybe Yamashita, too.

 

>>><<<

 

"Nakamaru, can I ask you something?"

"What is it, Ueda?"

"I want to record something."

>>><<<

 

Junno bounded into the studio days after, another sandwich in his hand and a beaming smile on his face.

_"Dear God, I think I've been blinded--"_

"It's finished! Now, I need you guys to sing," the tall man said, sliding into his chair and flicking switches on his table.

"Awesome!" Jin cried, craning his neck to watch what Junno was doing. "Who's first?"

"Ah that's right, you're all singing, aren't you? Hang on a minute... done. Okay, Jin, you're up first."

Jin walked into the booth, setting the earphones upon his head and almost immediately giving the others a thumbs-up, pointing to his ears and repeating the action. They smiled at him, and nodded. "What the heck does that mean?" Nishikido asked through a forced smile.

"I think he likes it," Kamenashi answered.

Jin was finished in two takes, and then it was Ueda's turn. The room was the same as it was before, too - well, there wasn't really much they _could_ do to it. He set his earphones over his ears, and waited patiently for the music to begin. And as soon as the music was flowing through the earphones, tears welled up in his eyes.

They were a band again.

It was as if Koki were actually alive - which he knew was ridiculous, but that didn't stop him thinking it. He was once again drumming beside them, and Ueda slowly smiled.

This was Koki's.

>>><<<

 

The music video was the best one they had ever done - they alternated between playing their instruments and doing...nothing. They did as much or as little as they wanted against the white background, running around and falling over one another. It was the most fun Ueda had had in a long time - he had even forgotten the cameras filming them, until the director yelled cut.

Nishikido, he found, actually did have a good voice - raspy and coarse, it was a voice for rock. Kamenashi had been the most nervous about recording, and had gotten Junno to do numerous checks, until Junno had just stared at him until he stopped bothering him.

They didn't even have a photoshoot for the cover. Kato arrived one day, sneakily hiding the completed single behind his back with a superior look on his face.

"You bastard!" Nishikido and Jin yelled, leaping for the other almost as soon as he walked in through the door. Kato ducked between the two, and ran for the lounge room, laughing.

"But you love me!"

"No, we don't!" Jin growled. "Give it here, Kato."

"Or what?"

"Or we get Thumper."

"Stupid bloody goat--"

"Hey!"

"Sorry, Ueda."

"Now I'm _definately_ never calling you by your nickname."

Kato looked crestfallen. "Ryo, you bastard, this is all your fault!"

Nishikido laughed. "Whatever."

"Aha!" Kamenashi exclaimed, having just snatched the CD away from Kato's grip. Kato smiled and sat down on the floor, whilst the rest of the band crowded around behind Kamenashi. "This is so cool, Shige!"

"I know."

The cover was plain white, with Koki's necklace placed carefully in a circle, in the centre of the photograph. Ueda smiled as he saw his own guitar pendant, resting gently against the pink letter 'P'. The pendant that had symbolised Koki had been detached and was set in the blank area in the very middle of the cover.

"It's fantastic, Shige."

>>><<<

 

A gentle wind flowed through the apartment, rustling the curtains and ruffling the fur of the small white cat. She meowed and yawned, and turned over, settling back in her place before quickly falling asleep. A mobile phone sat open on the table, the light coming from the window glinting off it's surface.

Yamashita Tomohisa sat on his couch, forearms resting upon his knees and staring blankly at the phone screen. An old text message was open on it, and Yamashita didn't know how many times he had read and re-read it.

_'Thanks for your support ^o^'_

Always with the emoticons. Yamashita sighed, running his hands through his hair. Ueda was always on his mind, finding his way there even when he was focused on other things. Yamashita had buried himself under the piles of work he had to complete, trying to keep him out of his head, but that broken face the night he had walked out kept finding it's way back.

He regretted his actions. So much. But he couldn't go back now. Not when he was trying to make a point. Yamashita was about to break when he heard from Jin that they had disbanded, but Jin had told him to stay firm. Jin was his only source of information; he would tell him everything that was happening. In a way he appreciated it, but he also hated it - it made him want to rush over there, enveloping the other in his arms.

He missed the way he smiled, the way he spoke, the way he carried himself. He missed the little things - the way he would turn in one foot as he stood, the way he would worry at his lip as he was listening to something, the way his hands ran across the fretboard of his guitar.

Yamashita knew he was stupid. He didn't want to do this anymore. But what was he going to say? 'Hi, I'm sorry for being a bastard - can I have a cup of tea'? He didn't think that was going to work. He didn't even know if the other had thought of him at all. What if he had flown from his mind, reduced to mere memories? If he was just a thought at the back of his mind, though, he hoped that they were nice memories.

His phone rang out cheerfully, suddenly, making him jump. He reached for it, pressing buttons and bringing up the new message which he had just received. It was from Jin.

_"Hey Pi, just wondering if you were going to buy our new single. Please do; there's something for you on it."_

Yamashita shut his phone, leaning back and thinking deeply. He had wanted to buy their new CD, but hadn't had time. Honestly though... he had been avoiding it. It had been a week or so since it had been released, much to the media's excitement, and yet he was still hesitant to hear the others' voice.

Yamashita sighed, and stood up, stroking his white cat who purred as she slept. "Right, Flower - let's do this."

 

>>><<<

 

Yamashita bought the single at the nearest music store, which wasn't nearly as close as he would have expected. Grumbling, he returned home to Flower sitting happily on the kitchen bench, tail flicking as she watched him with interest. He opened his CD, smiling softly at the cover, and at his pendant and Ueda's together. He set it into his CD player, pressing play and sitting down with the lyric booklet in his hands.

As he listened to the first song, he smiled widely, picking up his phone and quickly flipping it open. He typed a quick message to Jin.

_'Sounds awesome. Love the way you guys did the drums.'_

He sat back after sending the text, listening to the song. Listening to that soft yet beautiful voice sing out happily against Jin's deeper one, Nishikido's harsher one, and Kamenashi's clearer one made his stomach flip a little. His phone rang again.

_'Thanks ^^ We know we're awesome.'_

The next song was slow, making Yamashita's eyes water slightly. Flower meowed at him, leaping onto his lap before rubbing against his chin. He stroked her fur distractedly, as he let memories of Koki and the rest of the band fill his mind.

The song after that was another, faster song, and _Le Ciel_ were back to their full-out rock sound that he loved so much. Another smile made it's way onto his face as he listened, but as the song faded out, his eyebrows knitted together and he reached for his phone again.

_'I thought you said there was something for me here? There are only three songs on the single.'_

Barely a minute passed before Jin texted back.

_'Just wait. There's a hidden track.'_

Yamashita sighed, tossing his phone to the side. Since when did Jin speak in riddles? Well, alright, it wasn't exactly a _riddle_ , but--

And there it was. Those chords, that song. His heartrate fastened, and he turned in his seat, dislodging Flower, to stare wide-eyed at the CD player.

It was his song.

 

>>><<<

 

It was as if there was no time left. A text to Jin. A text back. Running. He didn't know when he had last felt like this; like it was the end of the world, and he had somewhere he needed to be.

Somewhere he needed to be.

Yamashita breathlessly checked the address he had hastily written down, and tried to slow his rapidly beating heart as he walked through the front gate and knocked on the door with a shaky hand. Nerves bundled up inside him, making him feel cold then hot then cold all over again, as he waited.

Shuffling was heard on the other side of the door. His stomach twisted as his breathing quickened.

 

>>><<<

 

Ueda was in the kitchen when he heard someone knocking on his front door, which was odd, he thought - there was a doorbell there for a reason. He cleaned his hands on a spare teatowel before he left the kitchen, having to struggle with Thumper slightly as he leapt to greet whoever was on the other side. Ueda grunted as Thumper threw all of his weight at the door, but Ueda grabbed his collar, forcing him into another room and shutting the door.

He turned back to the front door, reaching forward and twisting the handle, pulling the door back in towards himself. He gasped.

"Yamashita--?"

>>><<<

 

As soon as he saw those large, beautiful eyes looking up at him in surprise, that Yamashita couldn't take it anymore.

"I heard it," he breathed. "I heard the song."

"O--oh," Ueda murmured, worrying his lip as he slowly calmed down from the shock. "You-- I-- Uh... that was for-- for you."

And that was it. That was the end of Yamashita. He stepped forward, not missing Ueda's surprised gasp as he drew the other closer, wrapping his arms around Ueda's smaller frame in a hug that Ueda had been waiting all too long for.

Ueda sighed into the warmth, clutching at Yamashita's back and resting his chin on Yamashita's shoulder. Tears welled up in his eyes, but he blinked them back, squeezing his eyes shut as Yamashita held him tightly. Little did he know, but Yamashita was doing exactly the same thing as he buried his head into the crook of Ueda's neck.

They had missed each other. So much.

Yamashita drew back slightly, heart now pounding against his ribcage. Ueda slowly looked up, hesitantly meeting his gaze with those brown eyes. Ueda's breath hitched as Yamashita lowered his face, gently moving his hand to the back of Ueda's neck.

"Yamashita," Ueda breathed. He unconsciously brought his own hand up to trace Yamashita's jawline, gently moving strands of black hair away from his face.

"Hi," Yamashita said, eyes so black. So close.

"Hi," Ueda murmured back.

Yamashita lowered his face even more, and Ueda's heart was pounding as he felt Yamashita's breath on his face.

Yamashita slowly moved his head still closer to Ueda's own, and soft lips met each other for the first time, gently, _finally._

The two drew away, and Ueda smiled gently, reaching back up to press his lips back upon Yamashita's own, throwing his arms around his neck. Yamashita overbalanced, and fell back with a grunt, Ueda landing on top of him.

"Ue--Ueda? Can you let go of me? I can't--"

"No. Never again," Ueda muttered, burying his head into Yamashita's chest. "Never leave me again."

Yamashita brought a hand up to lift his face. "Alright. Never. I promise to stay by you forever."

Ueda smiled, one of those smiles of his where every ounce of his happiness seemed to show through, even though there were unwanted tears falling down his face slowly. Yamashita chuckled, and brought his face near his again, needing to be closer.

"Never again, Tatsuya."

 

\--End of Tomorrow's Way.

　

A/N:

[ _Tomorrow's Way_ ,](http://www.jpopasia.com/lyrics/5056/yui/tomorrow-s-way.html) by YUI.

'Flower' is the name of the skunk in Bambi. 

Once again, thank you, everyone.

　

  



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